Henry said to me, “You’re asking a lot, you know.”
“It’s the least you can do since you won’t marry me.”
And on that note, here is what was supposed to be the final installment of the Harangue Henry questions. I am attempting to type this for him while he is busy assembling zombie Valentine cards.
Ally poses several Tough Thinkers for our Henry: Who does Henry want his mustache to be when it grows up? (e.g. Tom Selleck, Hulk Hogan, etc.)
[Oh the look I just got from him! Shoooooot.]
“I don’t know! Me! [Unintelligible mumbles.]”
Who was Henry’s favorite Teletubby?
“I don’t have one. I didn’t watch Teletubbies. I was freaking thirty years old when it came out!”
[Ed.Note. In other words: The Gay One.]
Sandra Lee, Giada, or Rachael Ray? Who is Henry’s favorite food network personality?
Henry, with extreme confidence: “Giada.”
[Ed.Note. Then why won’t you make any of her recipes, you douche-kabob?]
Does he agree that Alton’s recipes always work and that Ina’s never do?
Getting tangled up in double-sided tape, Henry half-assedly answers: “I would say yes but I’ve never done any of Ina’s at all.”
Has he ever tried any of David Lebovitz’s recipes (if not, he should!)?
Henry, who likes to make up his own recipes for orphan gruel, mutters: “No.”
What would Henry do if he had an entire day, completely to himself?
“Sleep,” Henry said in a way that made me scared to press for more. “That’d never happen,” he mumbled. “You guys don’t even let me sleep when I’m sick.”
What is Henry’s favorite milk shake flavor?
With a face contorted in perplexion: “Probably chocolate.”
[The actual answer is: Whatever Erin or Chooch order that he has to finish.]
Which Golden Girl can Henry most readily identify with? I HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS, I CAN’T PRIORITIZE THEM!!!!!
“Which one has a girlfriend that’s a pain in the ass?”
That concludes this round. It only took a WEEK to get these answers, and then I made the mistake of asking him the last 2 directly after he got off the phone with Comcast, who have failed to fix our Internet for a week now. HENRY IS MAD YOU GUYS.