I suppose I could have just played keep-away with that damn orange ball last night, maybe a rousing round of Monkey in the Middle, but instead I decided to make it more interesting. I waited for Chris to leave the office for the night and then Orange Ball and I went on a photo-taking rampage.
The first thing Chris would have seen this morning was a picture taped to his office door of a frightened Orange Ball being Xeroxed.
I rubbed an orange Sharpie all over a napkin and then stuffed it in an envelope marked URGENT in red left-hand writing. Chris’s first email today from the Orange Ball address told him to check his work mail box. Since I was still at home for all of this, Nina was texting me with updates. Apparently, a frenzy ensured and handwriting analysis was done.
Someone suggested right away that it was me, but Chris wasn’t so sure.
Second email had this picture attached to it. Chris’s response was begging me not to hurt his son, and to take him instead. And then Nina texted me and said that somehow, Chris had placed his suspicions on Lee, so when Lee asked to see the third email, Chris said, “Why do you want to see it, you already know what you said.”
I took delight in the fact that they were turning on each other because I just play a kind, smiling sweetheart at the Law Firm. I’m actually quite cutthroat, just don’t tell the 2 remaining co-workers who think I’m an angel.
But then one of Chris’s cohorts googled the email address and found out it was me. “Oh great triumph! I cracked the flimsiest crime of all time!” Did anyone ever really doubt it was me from the get-go? I’m surprised it took them as long as it did.
Nina said that Chris, Lee and Tyler were scoping out my desk for something to steal in retaliation, and apparently they had my Michael Myers doll for awhile, but I guess someone felt bad and put it back before I came to work. I was reading all of Nina’s texts to Henry when I was still home, and he scoffed and said, “If they really knew you, they would just take your stupid Jonny Craig pictures.” AND THAT IS SO TRUE. Except that there are like 100 more on my desktop (I have a Jonny Craig folder) that I can print out to replace anything that’s stolen or defaced.
I did, however, bring an extra apple because I thought for sure they would have taken the one I left on my desk from last night.
Orange Ball and Chris’s dog, Porter. I printed this out and left it on his desk when I got here today (after getting the stink eye from him).
“No! Porter will kill him!” he yelled from his office.
Chris walked past me once today, making a sad face and bouncing an invisible ball. Another time, he yelled BOO HISS, which made Lee crack up, but I was unruffled because this actually happens to me a lot.
I still haven’t returned Orange Ball (which they now apparently call Orangey, I guess because they needed a name for the Reward flyer they made). This isn’t over!