Apr 102012
 

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We did what any other sad-sack family does on a holiday when they have nowhere else to go – went and got sushi.

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Chooch kept dunking his lo mein into his glass of lemonade (“What? It makes my noodles taste like lemonade and I like it.”), so now you’ll never again have to wonder why I have a strict no-share policy when it comes to my son and beverages.

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Aside from Chooch shouting, “I just want to be able to recognize what they’re saying!” and then counting in Spanish to try and “fit in” with the Pan Asia waitstaff, it was a nice, drama-free Easter dinner. Since it was still early and nice out, we took Chooch to the playground afterward, where I made him cry because I’m better at sliding down slides than he is. Seriously, this happened. I’m even competitive at sliding down slides.

Henry just shook his head and sighed. Then he convinced me that I should not take a left-behind bottle of Diet Mountain Dew even if it was unopened.

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While I was swinging (better than Chooch), the parallels between that and my recent emotions were not lost on me. One simple text message received February 24th at 12:22AM and everything has been swinging out of control, my heart has felt like a fucking Elmo pinata at some dumb 4-year-old’s birthday party, and for as hard and as stubbornly I’ve been trying to slam that door in her face, for as many awkward (supposedly) last words we’ve had over the last month and a half, she is still the only one who called me on Easter to talk to me about how I was feeling, to comfort me, to remind me that I’m a better person than my family has ever given me credit for. So what am I doing. For the last two and a half years, I have had this emptiness in my heart and would constantly ask Henry things like, “Do you think I’ll ever talk to her again?” and “Do you think she still cares about me?” and then she finally gets the chance to come back, but for every brick she knocks down, I’m busy laying down five more; busy listening to all the naysayers, letting other people confuse me, when I should have been listening to myself, and to Henry who has literally only been wrong a total of 4 times in the 11 years we’ve been together. But I’ve been too fucking bull-headed, resistant and cowardly to admit that I want to be friends with Christina again (there, her name has officially been written), to have that person in my life who I can call to get a second opinion when Henry tells me not to take some stranger’s unopened bottle of Diet Mountain Dew, in spite of all the supposed “closure” I was trying to convince myself I could achieve by putting all of our sordid past out in the open for everyone to read.

And if it takes swinging on a swingset in South Park on the day that Jesus provided a lifetime of wet dreams for George Romero by rising from the dead to make me realize that maybe the ending doesn’t feel right because the story isn’t over yet, then so be it. I just know that I can’t keep having these psychopathic arguments in my head anymore; I need to make a decision and stick with it before anyone gets even more hurt. And I don’t want it to be a secret. No more texting a nameless Cincinnati phone number. Either her name goes back in my phone or I need to walk away from this for good—no more Limbo. I officially don’t give a fuck what anyone else has to say about that.

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There was a middle-aged blind lady swinging next to me and it was the single most amazing thing that happened all day. She was so happy. We should all be that happy on the playground. Totally stopped pouting after that. (Until later that night, of course, when Henry chose his words poorly, which is like the worst thing in the world for an already hyper-emotional girl.)

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I found Henry standing on a tree stump, counting its rings. Apparently that was his favorite thing to do as a child after completing his daily paper route.

Went home and ate coconut cream pie (with NO meringue!), which is really all I wanted to do all weekend, although maybe in my fantasies it involved more of a swan dive into a pool of it, less spooning it into my mouth.

Thank you Henry and Chooch for salvaging yet another holiday. How can I be lonely when those two jerks are always up in my face, anyway.

I’m ready for things to be OK now. It’s like I’m punishing myself and I just don’t know what for.

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  14 Responses to “Easter: Dinner & Playground Epiphanies”

  1. I’d talk to her again. But that’s just me. Sometimes I do things against my or anyones better judgement cause I can do what I want and you can always un-talk to her again if she sucks. If it’s okay with Henry anyway, because your life is his life. I have read the saga, and we’ve talked, and so like , I know a little and I’m just saying, you can always turn and backtrack if you end up walking down a path that you don’t like where it’s leading. Also, I know you said you don’t GAF what anyone elses opinion is on the matter, but I have raging PMS, a headache,and have had too much Cafe’ so there you go. I don’t even know if this is the popular opinion ’cause while I have read your blog, I haven’t really “read” if you know what I mean, kinda been pre-occupied in life. But Yeah, I would talk to her. That’s just me.

    • Henry has actually been one of the few people in favor of us being friends again, going so far as to help mediate.

      Your opinion is not the popular one, and I appreciate you weighing in.

  2. Love you tons. I’ve always got your back, yo.

  3. WTF you mean I was wrong 4 times.

    • Once in 2004 when you said, “This is just a phase” and the other three I’m sure were hockey-related, you acting like you know it all and then getting schooled by me, what what.

      Oh, and don’t forget all the times you’ve said, “That show is not going to sell out, don’t worry.”

    • yeah, henry!

  4. The bricks are there because of me… it is my job to tear them down. Should only be about as difficult as getting the Berlin wall to fall. ;) It’s worth it though. <3

  5. I may not have been here during the relationship. But Henry saw it all and saw what you went through during it all. If he supports you guys being in each others lives. She makes you happy! That’s what is important. With not having your family in your life you need people that are there for you. Like you said, she called you on Easter because she knew how hard it is not having them. In the long run you know what to do and who cares what anyone says.

    PS Don’t forget we don’t have family so if you need someone to hang with during holidays we are here. I just assumed you guys were hanging with Henry’s family so I didn’t impose.

    • She does make me happy. At one time, anyway. But I’m willing to make an effort to get things right again!

      We did have plans on Easter to go to my friend Carey’s house for dinner up until late afternoon when she had to cancel because of an emergency. :( If it hadn’t been so last minute, I totally would have hit you guys up!

      Yet another reason why I really hope we are able to buy a house soon — I want to start hosting holidays for all of my family-less friends! I tried to have Thanksgiving here one year but it was way too crowded.

  6. I hope it all works out this time. You guys get each other so well, and if you are already hurting by not being friends, what do you really have to lose.

  7. You have to do what makes you happy, you are braver than me. I wussed out when I had my chance :-(

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