Jun 082012
  • I like to keep the radio on in my room 24:7; there is something comforting to me about keeping it old school, gratingly unfunny DJs and all. Recently, I had to change the station to our local classic rock one, because it is literally the only station aside from sports radio and the urban station which I can’t pick up from the bedroom that doesn’t play that motherfucking Gotye song. I just want to cry “Uncle!” every time I hear it. The downside of having the classic rock station on is that apparently Nickelback is now considered classic rock. However, the odds of hearing any Nickelback song (but really, aren’t they all just the same song?) is still way less than hearing motherfucking Gotye. I wish I could go back in time and delete the master recording of that song, and then for good measure, go back farther and hit him in the face with one of J-Woww’s tits at the precise moment that song started to write itself in his head. Fuck you, Gotye.
  • The Stanley Cup is about to be won any day now which means I’m going to grow a beard and mourn the end of yet another hockey season.
  • A store in Wisconsin contacted me about selling my non compos cards, which is awesome. I’m sure Henry and I will find unlimited ways to fuck it up. (Having our printer break is a good start.)
  • I didn’t mention Jonny Craig once on Henry’s birthday!
  • Sometimes I want to kick this blog in its face. I bet if it had a face, it would totally look like Sloth, but a girl. And she would have the ultimate Annie-ginger hair.
  • The other night, I dreamt that I was making out with [name withheld to keep my pride in tact] in my mom’s basement. When I told Henry, he scoffed, “All your dreams like that take place at your mom’s house, because that’s when you were the biggest whore” which isn’t even true, it was the first several years after I lived there that I was the biggest whore, so we had a mild argument about that, which wasn’t even the most ridiculous argument of the week; that award goes to the disagreement I had with Carey the other night at work regarding Farrah Fawcett versus Meredith Baxter.
  • Maybe I’m just being paranoid, but I feel like [name withheld] knows about my dream, or maybe [name withheld] is just playing off the fact that I’ve been acting like a complete headlighted-deer.
  • I still cry about my cat Don several times a day.
  • Today is my brother Corey’s birthday! He’s 22 and still color-blind!
  • I’m at work, eating an apple as I write this. I might also eat an orange too, since I sort of know how to peel those now.
  • Some of us have been getting reprimanded for being too social at work and I am totally about to start passing notes just to feed into my new stereotype.
  • Doing makeup at a zombie party tomorrow night!
  • I ate a bunch of peppermint patties just now (wherein bunch equals two) and I don’t even like peppermint patties.
  • Been spending a lot of time with Henry’s mom lately thanks to his newly-fucked work schedule which leaves us needing a babysitter (and also leaves me taking the trolley to work). She unwittingly presented me with three gems on Monday alone:
    • Somehow, the topic of Henry leaving for the SERVICE came up and she was waxing nostalgic about how it was the worst day of her life when he left, etc etc. And how, when she finally got to go down to Texas 8 weeks later to see him, she couldn’t believe how much of a man he had become. I was literally cannibalizing the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing.
    • Totally out of the blue (and unwarranted!) she looked at me and said, “My son is going to get back at you one day.” Something in the way she said it gave me quick flashes of meat hooks, Nickelback’s entire discography, and acid-dipped ball gags.
    • “What do you call that, when they put the ice cream in a cone?” Oh I don’t know, Judy, but here’s a wild guess: an ice cream cone!?
  • I’ve been craving Bonkers which is pretty weird because I don’t think I’ve eaten those since 1988.
  • This post is in bullet-points because I am mentally crippled after this week.

I will end this with a picture of a rainbow and Chooch eating cake from Wendy’s daughter’s graduation party last weekend. That was a good day, and not just because Henry got schooled on cake-cutting.

  5 Responses to “Friday Factualism”

  1. This was so fantastic it should happen every Friday. I’m all about bullet points. I don’t know how to make them, but all I know is it makes me pay attention.

  2. What in the heck did she mean by saying he would get back at you one day?? Did you chuckle as if that bizarre statement meant nothing? As a mother-in-law (I know you’re not actually a daughter in law!), I just keep my mouth shut.

  3. Good luck with the cards! That is awesome. And now I want cake in a desperate way.

    • Thank you, thank you! Those cards are my little babies, you know? I enjoy making them so much! (Well, designing them, I should say. Henry is the one who actually prints them and puts them together.)

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