The “Why Are We Watching Justin Bieber Perform on the Teen Choice Awards, No Wait—Why Are We Watching the Teen Choice Awards” Blank Stare, courtesy of Henry and Pete.
My favorite moment was when Ian Somerhalder won a surfboard and I asked, “What did he win for?”
“Not being Katy Perry,” Pete deadpanned.
No wait, my other favorite moment was the pedestal of cupcakes Seri placed before me. That girl knows how to win a bitch’s friendship.
I would probably just whale a bag of Fritos at my guests, but not Seri.
I’ve been trying to explain all night who all the people presenting awards are, but I’m always met with blank stares. What? This is my demographic, you guys. At least I’m drinking wine and not a Shirley Temple.
Now we’re explaining to Seri what snuff films are, OMG my dear friend who spells her curse words.
(Edit: Seri was talking about drivebys and is all bent out of shape because she can’t think of the term for the victim and hates Henry because he’s like “WTF are you talking about?” and shes like “OMG WEREN’T YOU IN THE SERVICE?” so now she’s googling it and exclaimed, “DECIDER! That’s it decider!”
“Um, if he’s the victim, he certainly wasn’t the decider. He was the decision.”)
OMG THE CALL ME MAYBE PERFORMANCE JUST STARTED AND COMPLETE PANDEMONIUM ERUPTED IN PETE AND SERI’S LIVING ROOM.