backed up tweets

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 19:16 This Sunday shaped up to be not so bad after all. A lapdance from a clown could make it even better, but who am I to beg. #
• 12:08 Considering hiring some orphans to clean my house. I’ll pay them with porridge and promises. #
  

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• 14:23 Makes me feel like a kid again. #
• 16:24 The AP lady at my job has the kind of fake sweet voice that makes me think she smokes cigars and eats babies when she leaves here. #
• 17:40 Spent an hour listening to guys talk about apple pie flavored moonshine. WHO WANTS SOME? ME. #
• 17:41 And then tried to explain what kind of music I like. #
• 19:45 Sick again. They should name a medicine after me. #
• 21:18 We accidentally bought a lamp with a touch sensor. Chooch has turned it into a strobe light.
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  #

• 12:15 I do not have the will nor the patience to be a mother when I’m a sick. No, YOU serve ME, son. Go fetch mommy the bourbon. #

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