Chooch has a scar on his leg from a shrubbery battle he had a few months ago. To make him feel better, Henry showed him his own scar on his hand.
“Oh my God, I didn’t know you have a scar!” I screamed, resulting in Henry giving me a stern That Was Unnecessary look. I thought to myself, “Finally, maybe he actually has a good SERVICE story to share for once, something about hand-tohand combat!”
But no. It was from a WART.
And not even a wart he got in the SERVICE, what the fuck, Henry.
At work the other day, I was doing one of a million things that makes Lee’s head go into explode-mode.
He scowled at Barb and said, “The problem here is that too many people enable her to be a diva.”
I just laughed haughtily in agreement.
I mean, duh, right?
Asked Chooch what he wanted for breakfast yesterday and he sneered, “Oh, I don’t know. Something that involves milk?” Like I’m the stupid one for asking when we all know that cereal is all that I can prepare for AM eats. I’m also adept at squirting in some chocolate syrup too if his mood ever calls for flavored wets.
Today, I received a package in the mail full of Urban Decay treats. I was so excited (if whoever sent that is reading this — THANK YOU! I LOVED IT AND MY EYES ARE WEARING IT RIGHT NOW!) but then Chooch totally lost his mind over it and started crying, “It’s always for you! I never get ANYTHING in the mail!” This is not true at all, but I was so irritated that he was ruining my post-birthday treats that I shouted, “Then go get a goddamn pen pal!”
This was moments after he randomly flipped out because I always beat him at Wii tennis.
“You ALWAYS win! It’s like you don’t ever want to lose! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN?!” And as he ran off in tears, I yelled, “BECAUSE I’M THE BEST!” (We were not playing Wii tennis at the time of this argument.)
Luckily, Henry came home from work shortly after this to facilitate positive dialogue between us kids.
The new Alternative Press arrived on my birthday, featuring Chiodos & Pierce the Veil! Happy Birthday to me.
Wendy got me this cool locket for my birthday and I couldn’t wait to slap a picture of Jonny Craig in it, until I saw that she had already prepped it with a photo of her eyeball and Barb’s eyeball. God, they’re such creeps. I love it.
OLYMPICS NEEDS MORE BELA KAROLYI! My friend Regina just walked by and saw this and said, “What is up with you and Bela? You do know about all the negative things about him, right?”
Of course! I love feisty old men.
I made this shirt during the 2008 Olympics. Underneath, it says, “Yeah, he said it” because of how outspoken he was about the other gymnastic teams. I just found it in the back of one of my dresser drawers (I don’t fold – I employ the “stuff n’ punch” method of putting away clothes) and I think I might have to start wearing it again.
And since I gave you a picture of me in 2008, I will leave you with a photo from today. THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHIRT. And now that I have declared that on the Internet, I will probably plunge into a vat of Ketchup on my way home from work tonight.
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