Yesterday at work, Barb was going through a box of holiday decorating junk that she keeps on her desk for no good reason other than to make people speculate if she’s a hoarder. She started pulling out random Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindoor sundry and admitted to no one and everyone at once that she has a huge collection of this shit in her closet at home.
“What, are you trying to be the next roadside attraction?” I asked. She laughed, but all the while her eyes had this thoughtful, faraway glaze to them like she was actually considering this.
This, among other odd and mysterious cogs in her psyche, made me think that she would make an excellent interview subject.
“Let me shadow you for a day!” I pleaded, but she tried to dissuade me by stressing that if it was on a non-workday, I’d mostly be watching her sleep. “Well then, let me do it on a day you go to the grocery store or something!” I suggested, even though that would be just as boring as watching her sleep, unless she “accidentally” fell into the meat slicer.
She hasn’t agreed yet but she also hasn’t flat out said no, and I do have her address so stalking is always an option.
Anyway, who out there would be interested in reading about what Barb does during the day, how many kitten videos she watches per week on YouTube, and what happened to her as a child to make her hate Bill Paxton so much? I even promise not to call it “The Life of (Barb) Riley.”
A little while later, Barb was watching some video on her computer and I got all excited, thinking it was a tutorial on display cases for her Rudolph museum, but it was really just some boring-sounding guy droning on about the screen on the new Kindle.
Who watches shit like that? Perhaps Barb can tell us when I interview her.