Sep 152012
 

20120915-210530.jpg

It’s no secret that I hate my house with every fibre of my being and it is probably the main cause of my unhappiness. Everything else in my life is either really great or good enough. But this house. Ugh, this house. I’ve lived here for 13 years now — renting. And this place has housing leprosy – the ceiling is falling down, the tiles are coming up, etc etc. This house hasn’t felt like a home in a LONG time.

But it’s not our house. Hopefully we will own our own house someday, but until then I decided that instead of being a big crybaby about hating my house, I’m just going to deal with it and start decorating again like I used to.

20120915-210547.jpg

I started with the fireplace mantel and window sill and I feel better already.

20120915-210605.jpg

Now if only I can get rid of Henry and all his shit…

20120915-210620.jpg

Hard to take pictures in the dark, but it loses its effect when lit.

20120915-210629.jpg

Yay Halloween!

20120915-210636.jpg

****

I’ve been so overwhelmed with life these days, like if I were a celebutante, now would be the time to check into rehab for “exhaustion.” I even had a small break down at work last week, which was totally embarrassing and it’s all because I’ve been so emotionally sensitive lately.

I’ve had to say no to people. I hate saying no. I want to say yes and help out everyone with all the things they’re doing, or want to do, but the reality is that I’m at a buffet with a saucer. The more I take on, the more half-assed everything turns out. And that makes me unhappy. And also physically ill.

My priority has to be this house, and looking for a new house. (And also looking for a new couch: one that isn’t broken and slowly giving us scoliosis. Then maybe I can let people come over again.)

Breaking everything down into small projects makes me feel like maybe this is manageable, and maybe one day I won’t feel panicked and miserable every time I walk through my front door. I won’t lie though: I’ve been thinking that maybe blogging needs to either go on the back burner or just go. That might be a hard addiction to break, but sometimes I think I would be happier in the end. Who knows.

  8 Responses to “Pre-Halloween Happiness”

  1. i’ve lived in many houses that i’ve hated… decorating makes a huge difference. i always tried to do what i could to make it feel like me.. my sanctuary… most times i won but not always. one thing i’ve learned is that if you don’t like your home, if it doesn’t feel like your sanctuary – everything else in life will feel out of whack. here’s hoping you can find something new/different, or that you can become more comfortable with a change of decor…

    i would miss your blog :)

    • Yes, that’s how I feel! Like everything else is out of whack. I’m glad you understand. I keep reminding myself that I’m lucky I have a roof over my head, especially after the rough patches we’ve had financially in the past! I know I should be grateful. But at the same time, I just want something better for my family.

  2. I have a spare room… And really bitchin’ 80’s wallpaper. You’re welcome any time. :)

  3. I would be sad if you’re blog went away but you do have a lot of other balls in the air. What about blogging once e a week on a particular day. That could help keep your loyal fans and lessen the burden on you.

    • That’s a good idea, and I really want to say that I will do it, but the problem is that I’m addicted to writing! God, blogging OCD – who knew!?

      Thank you for being my friend and offering up suggestions. It really means a lot!

  4. Sherri said something above that resonated with me. I am often criticized for having purchased my house, because it is a lot of work, money, and time. But what everyone FAILS to understand is that I am HAPPY in there. I was unhappy in my former place of residence, which is why I chose to purchase my house, and that did a lot for me in terms of mental good stuff. So if you are unhappy in your house, I completely understand, and wish I lived closer to help you house hunt. It’s good that you even realize your feelings upon walking into your house. You can pinpoint the source of the misery.

    You are doing the absolute right thing in making a new house your priority, and saying no to other stuff. It’s okay and important that you do that.

    In the meantime, your decorations look awesome!

Choose Your Words Carefully

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.