When TWITTERS Divorce Their Mother & Hit the Road

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 13:52 If there was any doubt Chooch was my son, he’s dipping his grilled cheese in jelly. #
• 10:56 Today my mom told me I’m uneducated and ignorant. I told her I’d rather just spend Thanksgiving at Dennys than eat at a racist’s house. #
• 11:00 Its impossible to fake a relationship with someone you’ve pretty much hated your whole life. #
• 14:28 Its awesome that the only word my kid can spell is tit. #
• 17:30 Walked in on my boss asking someone if they’d fuck a female Bigfoot. I would…as long as she wasn’t too mangey. #
• 17:33 Now he’s asking a dock worker “if Bigfoot raped u, would u shoot it” & the dock worker is getting upset, refusing to answer. #
• 00:07 One way to un-suck a day: watch the RW/RR Reunion on MTV and take comfort in OTHER PPL’S drama. Then get drunk and break glass. #
• 00:11 I live with an absolute fucking pig. #

 

---

 

• 10:13 A day for the history books: someone just ate something I made and said “MMGOOD”. Granted, that person is 2 and also eats cat fur. #
• 10:14 And then he sneezed a mouthful of oatmeal in my face. I think in some parts, that’s considered a good rating. #
• 16:50 There is no way I’d ever try to trainjump. #
• 20:44 Important fact I learned at work: college students shouldn’t be allowed to vote bc they are brainwashed by the liberal profs. #
• 01:00 You know when the convo starts w/ “either sean or rush said it…”its gonna be good. . #

 

---

 

• 09:46 During my frenzy to get ready to leave for buffalo, some asshole crashed his H3 outside my house, knocking out the electricity. NOZZLE. #
• 10:13 And I just called a cop a retard and now I have to drive past him again. #
• 13:36 I owe a toll booth worker $1.25. I hope he doesn’t send someone to crowbar my knees. #
• 13:39 Henry always treats me like his teenage daughter, then this morning he said “You’re not a kid”. Henry I’m confused. #
• 14:39 twitpic.com/kp2q – Sitting in Max’s Grill, writing truths about Christina in my vacation journal. #
• 15:40 Christina’s showing me a condom she brought in case I get lucky after tonite’s show. I laughed then asked “srsly–why do u have that?” #
• 15:52 I just pushed open someones hotel room and they came after me. Its a good thing my legs are used to helping me flee the scene. #
• 17:14 Most definitely certain I am the only fully developed woman at this show. Oh. And christina. (Debatable.) #
• 17:30 There’s nothing worse than the crackled shouting of a boy who hasn’t fully reached puberty. Ok, anal rape — MAYBE. #
• 18:06 twitpic.com/kqok – My crew, obv. #
• 18:21 Some bmx guy thinks I’m his fan and I can’t stop laughing at him. #
• 18:27 There’s another girl in her twenties, standing near me, usurping my demographic. Dumb bitch. #
• 19:14 twitpic.com/kr6d – At the Lithe Leg Convention, Buffalo, NY #
• 19:50 I want to be Made! Into a paraplegic. #
• 22:20 Remember when Christina broke up a catfight at the Pierce the Veil show? #
• 22:22 Checked in with Henry. He asked me to not kill myself because Buffalo’s too far to drive for my body. # 
  

  ---

 

• 09:40 Ppl don’t give FoxNews enough credit. This morning alone they reminded me of Toonces the Cat & had a hiLARious thought bubble segment. #
• 09:41 Later they’re going to be reading people’s “twitters”. #
• 10:08 Christina: sometimes I want to kick you. Not sometimes, a lot of times actually. #
• 11:34 Could have sworn christina just wished she was Hoffa, but it seems she was actually wishing she was on FoxNews. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Now you can rest easy, knowing my inner most thoughts and movements.