A Night at the Smiling Moose, as told by Henry J. Robbins

This post is going to be about me hating Jonny Craig. This is my worst nightmare. I hate doing this. I hate writing. In March, we went to see Jonny Craig at Smiling Moose due to the fact that I had a lapse in judgment and bought Erin tickets for Valentines Day.

It’s a good thing that it was an all ages show so that all of the little kids had to stand outside and wait for doors to open while we went inside and sat at the bar so that I could be drunk and power through a two hour concert. Unfortunately, someone else also had an idea to sit at the bar, that being JC. And Erin turned into her normal 13-year-old self as usual. Erin was like, “Oh my god should I talk to him? Oh my god, it looks like he’s looking at me. Do you think he hates me?”

At some point in time, Jonny had sauntered by me [ed.note: Henry used that word himself!!] and the words “Hey how you doing” somehow spewed from my mouth.  Erin had wanted me to follow him into the bathroom to check out his package but then she remembered she had already seen it, all the while making fun of me for actually saying hi to him. I don’t know why I said hi to him. I guess because he just happened to be there.

Erin said I had a crush on the waitress but I don’t remember.

Then I decided we should go upstairs which was really stupid because I hated all of the other bands and didn’t realize that the first band wasn’t even over yet and I could have stayed downstairs and drank more. Erin left me with a 13-year-old in body instead of a 13-year-old in mind [ed.note: I guess that’s me?]  and I felt uncomfortable standing next to her.

Then Jonny came upstairs and stood within a foot of Erin. Erin wanted a shirt but his shirts looked like they had been drawn on  the way to the show in the back of a van and I believe she wanted was priced at $40. [ed.note: This is total bullshit — it was like $18 or $20. He’s such a fucking liar.]

Then I heard an interesting conversation between the sound man and tour manager. The tour manager was telling the sound guy that Jonny was difficult to work with. And then a little while later, the sound guy was talking to Jonny and Jonny mentioned that the tour manager was difficult to work with. I believe they’re both hard to work with.

When Jonny had taken the stage, as per Erin, I had ditched her and taken a spot up in the back near the bigscreen TV as to watch the hockey game. Internet, Erin wants you to know that she was upset because that was supposed to be our Valentine’s date but it turned out to be Erin up near the stage, crying, and Henry in the back watching the hockey game and not crying.

I don’t know why I hate him and his music so much, probably because of Erin. Even if he sang covers of Ted Nugent and Judas Priest. No.

Oh and I believe I had heard somewhere that it was Jonny’s birthday. I don’t have anything funny to say about that, but isn’t it funny enough that he aged another a year? He’s still a dick.