In line for the Yankee Cannonball, I noticed the sign on the ride operator’s podium and started imagining Henry as the ride operator and a line full of Erin Rachelle Kellys distracting him. And with that, I am going to turn this over to Henry and let him tell the tale of what he was feeling in each photo, as I’m sure his thoughts and feelings are riveting. And I’m sure he’ll need some coaxing so this will probably turn into a Q&A session.
Me = italics
Henry = not italics
Asian Man Moustache Ornament.
Waiting in another line to feed the kids again.
Erin: “How much does it annoy you when Chooch and I scream our food orders at you and then leave you to carry everything on your own?”
Henry, muttering: “Oh Jesus Christ. It’s like having two 10-year-olds.”
I believe everyone else was done by the time I got my food.
Erin: “When you were in the SERVICE, did you go to any amusement parks?”
Henry: “Magic Mountain. I don’t recall being anywhere else.”
Erin: “Did you have fun?”
Henry, seriously thinking about it: “Yeah.”
Erin: “What did you wear?”
Henry, appalled: “WHAT? I don’t KNOW. It was like 20* years ago! I’m going to guess jeans and a t-shirt.”
*(Try THIRTY years, buddy.)
Erin: “A TED NUGENT shirt??”
Henry: “No I don’t know what it was.”
Erin: “DID YOU RIDE STUFF?!”
Henry: “Yeah, whatever rides they had back in 1984.”
Erin: “So, you rode rides and had FUN. What happened since then to make you hate amusement parks then?!”
Henry: “I don’t HATE amusement parks. I just can’t ride rides without getting sick now.”
[Finally. The truth comes out. Henry was molested by another SERVICEMAN on a ride at Magic Mountain and now gets sick every time he goes to an amusement park. How did it take me so long to uncover this?!
I bet it happened on the Tilt-a-Whirl.]
Getting ready to finish Chooch’s food, and also the rest of Erin’s.
Thanks for winning me a Strawberry Shortcake, assholes.
Chooch and I wasting another $5 on rings.
Contemplating finding a bar to go to.
Best time of the day!
Erin: “Did you try to fuck that lady in front of you?”
He learned this fancy hand-clasp in PANAMA.
All my minions follow behind.
Erin: “Did the Sky Ride bring back memories of BASIC TRAINING EXERCISES in the SERVICE? Like JUMPING OUT OF A PLANE?!?!”
Henry: “I didn’t jump out of airplanes.”
Erin: “What would it take to get you to ride the Tea Cups? Fill them with FAYGO?”
Henry: You’re so dumb.”
“I have an idea: let’s leave.”
Erin: “Did you have any fun at all? Like on a scale of Sitting in Your Underwear Watching Criminal Minds to Remarrying Your Ex-Wife, how terrible was your day?”
Henry: “I never said I didn’t have fun. Just because I don’t ride anything, doesn’t mean I don’t have fun.”
Erin: “Wow. What an Old Person response.”