Sep 062013
 

My commute to work has definitely gotten noisier since Trolley Driver came back from vacation last week, though the first two days were pretty quiet. So quiet, that I began to wonder if perhaps he was scolded for too generously doling out honks. Then one day, he began hyper-beeping and I thought, “OK, maybe the horn was just broke for awhile.” But then I realized he was beeping at a truck who had ignored the trolley crossing sign and nearly got T-boned by us. That was pretty damn exciting.

But by the end of the week, he was back on track, so to speak. Please, enjoy a video I compiled of my shitty trolley ride to work:

That last part is only a tiny snippet at the maniacal beeping that goes on. For instance, there is some work being done on the tracks right after the stop I get on at, so there have been clumps of port authority workers doing their thing. As Trolley Driver passes them, he beeps—once for every single person. And then he slows to a halt and begins to jovially chide the guys in their fluorescent yellow and orange vests and they look like they’re so fucking exhausted of this charade. Man, I really love Trolley Driver!

But guess what!? There is some stupid broad who is sometimes waiting on one of the platforms downtown and he will idle there with the door open, having a conversation with her, even though she’s not getting on the trolley. This has happened numerous times since I’ve been a regular on this particular trolley, and usually the passengers will start to get vocal because hello, we have places to go! So then they say goodbye and he jingles his little trolley bell (and I don’t mean his weener, but maybe I do) and gives one last little TOOTTOOT before continuing on his way.

This happened yesterday and I realized THAT I AM JEALOUS OF THIS BROAD. Does he like her more than me!?!?

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Henry pointed out that he* would probably do the same thing to me if he saw me standing on a different trolley platform. I guess he’s right. I mean, he did shout at me from the backseat of a car while he was on vacation.

*(Trolley Driver, not Henry. God, Henry would probably do a rain dance just so he could splash me upon passing.)

“It’s a Trolley Triangle,” was Henry’s response when I texted him the picture of The Platform Harlot.

I NEED TO MAKE HIM LIKE ME MORE THAN HER. Should I (have Henry) bake him cookies?! Buy him an airhorn? Get him a Best Beepin’ Trolley Driver mug? Ugh, I’ll think of something.

You know I’m going to be obsessing over this now. I should probably find out his name at some point.

  5 Responses to “Tro-lo-lo-lley”

  1. She is obviously the platform ho. I bet they’re both married too.

    If she wasn’t always flashing her pink top at Trolley Guy, he’d totally be into you.

    Maybe he’d even put a ring on it. (Unless he’s already married. In which case he might have a nuptials-minded brother he could introduce you to. Is Gallagher single? Trolley Guy looks like he might be a Gallagher relation.)

    (Now that I think about it, that would never work. Clearly, fruit-lovin’ you could never marry a fruit mangler like Gallagher and his kin.

    So you’re better off without him.

  2. “he jingles his little trolley bell” LOL

    You’re very funny to me and I know I’ve said it a million (or twenty) times before but it’s true.

  3. “So quiet, that I began to wonder if perhaps he was scolded for too generously doling out honks. Then one day, he began hyper-beeping and I thought, “OK, maybe the horn was just broke for awhile.” But then I realized he was beeping at a truck who had ignored the trolley crossing sign and nearly got T-boned by us.”

    AGAIN. WHY do I drink my putrid green protein shakes when I read your blog at all? Now I can’t stop laughing and this joke won’t translate to Hot New Hector!!!

    Also, I totally think the driver would have conversations with you while idling, like if he saw you on some other platform. Most definitely.

  4. Airhorn! It’s perfect for him! Then he could give beep-beeps all day and night.

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