Chooch’s Terrible Trip to the Post Office

I had a serial killer card to mail this morning so POOR CHOOCH had to GET DRESSED and WALK 1.16 miles to the post office with me, GOD FORBID.

There’s a Dunkin Donuts halfway between the post office and our house, so I placated him with the promise of a donut and hot chocolate. Yes, I’m what’s wrong with America.

After spending unlimited minutes motherfuckering all the cars who refused to yield to pedestrians (YOU KNOW WHO YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE), we finally made it within the safe confines of the post office (not the shitty Brookline one where the only requirement of the employees is to have the personality of Republican styrofoam).

The girl in front of us was totally Harajuku to the point where I expected her to be Asian. (I RACIAL PROFILE, OK.) And I don’t mean that as an insult. Just from the back, she looked really Kawaii-girly in a poufy floral skirt, blue ankle socks and super cute teal heels with birds sticking off them. And she was definitely wearing a fuchsia wig with bouncy curls. The woman behind the counter was asking her if she was wearing a costume and the girl was trying to explain that this was just how she dressed, but that she does actually make costumes too.

When the postal clerk left the counter to get something, I asked the girl if her shoes were Irregular Choice. They were, so we started discussing the pros and cons of that shoe brand, at which point Chooch made a loud noise of disgust, groaned, “Girls!” and walked away.

And then, when my new BFF was on her way out of the post office, she noticed my holographic eyeball purse and exclaimed, “Oh! I have that same purse*! Mine is the smaller version though!” Which then queued up a dialogue between me and the postal clerk. And this was Chooch at that moment:

Afterward, we went to Dunkin Donuts and he immediately burnt his tongue on his hot chocolate. Chooch is having a real DAY.

*(If you’re new here, Chooch HATES it when people talk to me about my eyeball purse because oh noes, five whole seconds go by without people paying attention to him.)