Dude, I don’t think I’ve been tagged for anything blog-related since 2010, so when Kendahl tagged me to participate in this Friendship Blogger Award I got crazily excited because: Yay! I get to play! Someone picked me!
(It gets really lonely over here sometimes. That’s all I’m saying.)
So the rules are that I have to share 7 facts about me and then tag 7 of my blog friends, but the problem is that I don’t HAVE 7 blog friends. So instead, let’s do this: If you’re a reader and you feel like sharing 7 (or 2 or 15) facts with this dumb broad from Pittsburgh (me), then please do so in the comments! Let’s make friends. Open forum. Humor me.
- Sometimes I start to get super frustrated with Henry, like am I wasting my time? But then this weird/creepy mind-reading thing happens that never ever happens between me and anyone else, and it makes me wonder if it ever even could. Like, is this the only sign I need that the asshole who has yet to marry me is my goddamn soul mate? For instance, when we were leaving the hockey game on Sunday, we were trying to think of somewhere to go to eat. When I get REALLY HUNGRY, I just can’t even care to be involved in these types of discussions. I mean, seriously, just pull into some food place’s parking lot and feed me. So we’re headed sort of in the direction of home when Henry took a quick right and I asked him where he was going. “You said you wanted to go to Mad Mex didn’t you?” he asked, and I fucking swear on every last ginger pube on Jonny Craig’s groin that I was only THINKING that we hadn’t gone to Mad Mex in awhile and please god don’t take me to Eat n Park. THINKING INSIDE MY HEAD QUIETLY. He was all, “I swear I heard you say it” but that’s clearly because he can hear my thoughts, how fucking lovely. Other examples:
- The time we were playing Catchphrase at one of my game nights and it was Henry’s turn and all he said was “female singer” and I jokingly yet violently shouted CARLY SIMON and it was motherfucking CARLY SIMON, WTF.
- The time we both dreamt of cabbages. And no, we hadn’t just eaten cabbages or watched a biography of the cabbage on the television.
- When I was in elementary school and we were living in our first house in South Park (not the cartoon), I was in the backyard walking along a balance beam / path I had made out of the logs my stepdad had recently cut for firewood; they were still rounded on the bottom but flat on the top which made the logs rock from side to side as I steadily walked across. I eventually fell, because that’s what I do, and I got a pretty nasty splinter in my knee. I of course pretended that never happened because OMG SPLINTER REMOVAL, so I ended up having a scar on my knee for quite some time. It’s not there anymore though. I think now the only scar I have left is the chicken pock scar on my cheek (face not butt) and UGH MY C-SECTION INCISION which I’m actually not sure if there is a scar there since I’m too afraid to look closely.
- Speaking of tagging people, any time I get a notification that someone tagged me on Facebook, I get all clenched up wondering what it could possibly be that I’m being tagged in, like was my European douche commercial finally discovered? And then, you know, it usually always ends up being nothing embarrassing, so calm the fuck down already E.Kel.
- Bradley Cooper > Adam Levine.
- I never, ever used to drink water. I hated it so bad and it would make me gag. But then back in 2001, one of my friends told me that my teeth were going to rot from all the Mountain Dew I would drink, so then I had to force myself to drink water. Nowadays, water and me are your basic bros.
- I hate that my knee-jerk response to people is, “Really?” and they’re like “No, I just told you for that no reason just that when you ask ‘really?’ I can say ‘No, I just told you that for no reason.'” Like, way to drag out a conversation, stupid. (Me, not you.) Also, I’m really great at saying obvious things. Like the last few days we’ve been dealing with this polar vortex bullshit so the Law Firm was actually shut down yesterday which never happens. But of course, our department stayed open and like 90% of us worked from home. So in my work emails to co-workers, I kept saying shit like, “Stay warm!” like they were outside snow-shoeing in the -25 degree windchill and not all warm and cozy in their PJs like we all goddamn know we were.
- I don’t have any really good talents, like playing the kazoo real well or being incredible at yo-yo’ing. So I don’t really go to very many parties because I have no good party tricks. Also because I rarely get invited to any. (Unless you count parties where people are trying to sell you shit; in that case, if anyone eyeballed my Facebook event notifications, they’d think I was a goddamn everlasting homecoming queen.)
That was really hard because what haven’t I already told the Internet?! It knows everrrrrrrrything.
(Seriously typed “you’re” at first. I’m awesome tonight.)