Jan 082014


Dude, I don’t think I’ve been tagged for anything blog-related since 2010, so when Kendahl tagged me to participate in this Friendship Blogger Award I got crazily excited because: Yay! I get to play! Someone picked me!

(It gets really lonely over here sometimes. That’s all I’m saying.)

So the rules are that I have to share 7 facts about me and then tag 7 of my blog friends, but the problem is that I don’t HAVE 7 blog friends. So instead, let’s do this: If you’re a reader and you feel like sharing 7 (or 2 or 15) facts with this dumb broad from Pittsburgh (me), then please do so in the comments! Let’s make friends. Open forum. Humor me.

  1. Sometimes I start to get super frustrated with Henry, like am I wasting my time? But then this weird/creepy mind-reading thing happens that never ever happens between me and anyone else, and it makes me wonder if it ever even could. Like, is this the only sign I need that the asshole who has yet to marry me is my goddamn soul mate? For instance, when we were leaving the hockey game on Sunday, we were trying to think of somewhere to go to eat. When I get REALLY HUNGRY, I just can’t even care to be involved in these types of discussions. I mean, seriously, just pull into some food place’s parking lot and feed me. So we’re headed sort of in the direction of home when Henry took a quick right and I asked him where he was going. “You said you wanted to go to Mad Mex didn’t you?” he asked, and I fucking swear on every last ginger pube on Jonny Craig’s groin that I was only THINKING that we hadn’t gone to Mad Mex in awhile and please god don’t take me to Eat n Park. THINKING INSIDE MY HEAD QUIETLY. He was all, “I swear I heard you say it” but that’s clearly because he can hear my thoughts, how fucking lovely. Other examples:
    • The time we were playing Catchphrase at one of my game nights and it was Henry’s turn and all he said was “female singer” and I jokingly yet violently shouted CARLY SIMON and it was motherfucking CARLY SIMON, WTF.
    • The time we both dreamt of cabbages. And no, we hadn’t just eaten cabbages or watched a biography of the cabbage on the television.
  2. When I was in elementary school and we were living in our first house in South Park (not the cartoon), I was in the backyard walking along a balance beam / path I had made out of the logs my stepdad had recently cut for firewood; they were still rounded on the bottom but flat on the top which made the logs rock from side to side as I steadily walked across. I eventually fell, because that’s what I do, and I got a pretty nasty splinter in my knee. I of course pretended that never happened because OMG SPLINTER REMOVAL, so I ended up having a scar on my knee for quite some time. It’s not there anymore though. I think now the only scar I have left is the chicken pock scar on my cheek (face not butt) and UGH MY C-SECTION INCISION which I’m actually not sure if there is a scar there since I’m too afraid to look closely.
  3. Speaking of tagging people, any time I get a notification that someone tagged me on Facebook, I get all clenched up wondering what it could possibly be that I’m being tagged in, like was my European douche commercial finally discovered? And then, you know, it usually always ends up being nothing embarrassing, so calm the fuck down already E.Kel.
  4. Bradley Cooper > Adam Levine.
  5. I never, ever used to drink water. I hated it so bad and it would make me gag. But then back in 2001, one of my friends told me that my teeth were going to rot from all the Mountain Dew I would drink, so then I had to force myself to drink water. Nowadays, water and me are your basic bros.
  6. I hate that my knee-jerk response to people is, “Really?” and they’re like “No, I just told you for that no reason just that when you ask ‘really?’ I can say ‘No, I just told you that for no reason.'” Like, way to drag out a conversation, stupid. (Me, not you.) Also, I’m really great at saying obvious things. Like the last few days we’ve been dealing with this polar vortex bullshit so the Law Firm was actually shut down yesterday which never happens. But of course, our department stayed open and like 90% of us worked from home. So in my work emails to co-workers, I kept saying shit like, “Stay warm!” like they were outside snow-shoeing in the -25 degree windchill and not all warm and cozy in their PJs like we all goddamn know we were.
  7. I don’t have any really good talents, like playing the kazoo real well or being incredible at yo-yo’ing. So I don’t really go to very many parties because I have no good party tricks. Also because I rarely get invited to any. (Unless you count parties where people are trying to sell you shit; in that case, if anyone eyeballed my Facebook event notifications, they’d think I was a goddamn everlasting homecoming queen.)

That was really hard because what haven’t I already told the Internet?! It knows everrrrrrrrything.


(Seriously typed “you’re” at first. I’m awesome tonight.)

  12 Responses to “I was Given an Award & Now You All Must Suffer”

  1. OH NO! Reading this post, I learn that I’ve caused you to freak out a bit when I tag you in something… I’m sorry! But just so you know, I wouldn’t tag you in anything to embarrass you…. mostly because I don’t know you so have nothing to embarrass you with… but even if I did, I wouldn’t do that to you LOL

    Coach reads my mind sometimes. It’s spooky. But it happens. And…. Coach told me he would never ever never get married again for any reason. And then some years later…. here we are, married. Blew my mind.

    No talents???? Woman. Really. Have you checked any of your photos? Seriously, come on now.

    I’ve been thinking of getting one of those little photo printers that makes 2×3 prints right there on the spot so at parties or games or whatever I can snap away and then print out little keepsakes… might even make 50 cents or so.

    • Oh I didn’t mean to make you think I was calling you out! I don’t mind being tagged, especially because it’s mostly friends like you wanting to show me something cool ;) but I have a friend who used to take a shit ton of pictures of me looking like I was mid-stroke and then she’d go on a tagging spree! I have it set where I have to approve tags now because of that, lol!

      You SHOULD get one of those printers! Imagine how many moms would be stoked to have professional-caliber shots of their kids on the field!

  2. You KNOW I only tag you on or share awesome things on your wall. Think of me as your FB Valium.

  3. I’ll be your “blog friend,” even though you’re a prolific writer and I update my site, um, never.

    – I can juggle. (Self-taught, y’all!)

    – I hate wind chimes … they’re rude. YOU might like to hear that whimsical jingle as a gentle breeze wafts through your backyard, but I don’t want to hear Tinkerbell having a seizure at 3 a.m. during a thunderstorm!

    – Elvira is my lifelong hero, especially since I had to start wearing a C-cup in the 5th grade.

    – I have a fear of structural instability. I’m pretty sure my fridge is going to fall through my kitchen floor one day, the Greentree water tower is going to bust open, flooding the Parkway West, and the David. L. Lawrence Convention Center is DEFINITELY going to collapse, killing hundreds of Furries during the next Anthrocon.

    – I broke my collarbone when I was 11. I was wearing a werewolf mask at the time and no one could hear or see me crying.

    – I’m obsessed with horror movies, but I pass out at the sight of blood.

    – I have a raging girl-crush on Asia Argento (rarely clothed actress and daughter of Italian horror director Dario). If anyone knows her, pass the word along.

    • Please juggle for me this weekend!

      OMG about the werewolf mask collarbone accident! How did you break it??

      I fucking hate that water tower so bad and Chooch knows it so he is always trying to trick me into looking at it when we drive past!

      Henry’s oldest son went through a pretty big Asia Argento phase back in the day, so she was out desktop background for awhile, lol!

      Your comment made my day ;)

  4. -Hi, I am a random stranger from Cleveland that you do not know personally and I love your blog.

    -I love broccoli (favorite vegetable) but I never encountered it until I was in my twenties. I should have never denied myself that pleasure for so long.

    -I love animals more than most people but have not adopted any. Commitment issues I suppose.

    -I suffer from the terrible disease of procrastination. I have been “writing” a masters thesis for over two years. This applies to the other areas of my life as well.

    -I am afraid of fire, more specifically being burned alive. I remember as a child, I said that I had been in a fire, yet that never happened but I knew it to be true somehow. Then a few years ago, I found out at my grandmother’s funeral that her mother (my great-grandmother) had been doing laundry and her dress caught on fire, she ran and then died. Interpret this as you wish.

    -Keeping to the morbid theme, I worked at a mortuary for many years and enjoyed it immensely. Working there also made me realize, I wish to be cremated, not buried.

    -And finally, I have been in 5+ serious car accidents, plus physically hit by a car while walking across the street, along with numerous minor fender benders. I have never been injured seriously and I am convinced I will die by car.

    It’s nice to meet you and keep up the good work!

    • I love random strangers! And I love Cleveland! Thank you for taking the time to comment; I really enjoyed reading your facts. The one about the fire was intense, and the fact that you worked in a mortuary makes me want to sit down and have a drink with you.

      Good luck with your masters thesis, and please stop back! xo

  5. Fuck yes, thanks for playing along!

    I sort of think you and Henry belong together. I know that’s disgusting but it’s true. Ohhh, I <3 Bradley Cooper! He's handsome and also a really good actor.

    • He really is a good actor! I don’t think Henry cared for him either way until I made him watch Silver Linings Playbook.

      And thanks for tagging me! I like things like this because it makes blogging more conversational. Do you remember several years ago when Blog Hops were popular? They were so much fun!!

      • Oh, Silver Linings Playbook made Correy want to take dance lessons. That movie was powerful. :)

        Blog Hops were fun! I never took place because, well, I never felt like I fit in when it was still a huge thing.

  6. I get so excited learning all this dirt about strangers!!

    Like Kristy, I also hate wind chimes and broke my collar bone when I was 11…weird!!

    My biggest pet peeve is people that walk backwards while continuing a conversation with someone. If you’re not done talking, asshole, don’t start walking away. I always end up getting stepped on by these people while trying to avoid them.

    Watching movies is one of my favorite things to do, but I can’t remember titles for shit…you’ll have to describe it in excrutiating detail so I have a chance of recollecting. Also am terrible with facial recognition.

    When I was in my 20’s I had some pictures in tattoo magazines and got a couple letters from prisoners

    I wish I could commit to blogging other than on road trips. Maybe next year

    • Ugh you would hate my neighbor (Hot Naybor Chris’s wife-thing) because she always has at least three wind chimes on her goddamn porch.

      Well, that’s definitely not the only reason you’d hate her!

Choose Your Words Carefully

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.