I think having Henry’s mom and Chooch around yesterday when I found Willie dead (RIP) helped me, because, you know, community grieving and all that. But today, Chooch was back to school and Judy was back at her place, so it was just me and Marcy. And it was pretty fucking depressing. Soul-suckingly so. Watching Marcy skulk around, sniffing around the empty cat carrier, poking her head around corners, it was too much. Henry doesn’t think she actually really cares that her daughter is dead. I mean, we kind of chuckled about it last night, how Marcy got her wish, Marcy-Hater-Of-All is the last cat standing. But goddamn motherfucking shit, the house is so empty. What will I do when she’s gone too? Her presence is almost larger than life. She is a force. Even the way she barrels into our bedroom, practically hurtling herself at the half-shut door, is so bombastic. What will the house be like without her, I can’t even imagine.
So then, after running back into the house twice to re-hug Marcy, I was walking to the trolley and crying, which is awesome to do in January when it’s 7 degrees outside. Crying in 7 degree weather. But then on the trolley platform, some guy started talking to me and that was pretty nice, a distraction, human contact. And I realized, for as much as I’m like, “DON’T TALK TO ME STRANGERS!” that basic connection with another person is what I was subconsciously craving at that moment. Please, pick my heart up off the frozen trolley platform and speak words to me.
My new friend’s name is (Not) Jonny (Craig) and he was pretty normal. I mean, he was wearing a Steelers Santa hat and broken glasses held together by masking tape like you’d do if you were going trick-or-treating as “Post-Political Fight with Erin” Henry.
We talked about riveting things, such as taking the wrong trolley and what we do for a living. (He just got a job at Meat & Potatoes, and I said, “Oh cool, I had disgusting absinthe there once.”)
And then we parted ways at the Wood Street trolley stop because he wanted to go to McDonald’s and I had to try and cross the street without getting sideswiped by a bus. He seemed very genuine when he told me to have a good day at work and I almost fucking lost it right there in that cold concrete holding cell for commuters because someone was being so nice to me and now I was all alone with my morbid thoughts again.
I can’t do that whole wallowing thing right now, I just can’t. So…happy thoughts! Here are things that are making me happy this week, because maybe looking at these pictures and typing out positive words will seep into my fingertips and brain-fuck me with positivity.
Dino Ring holder, I’m still way into you. I gave one to Wendy, and it was really hard to part with! But this one, this stegosaurus (thanks Andrea and Kendahl for the dino name hook-up!) is mine all mine. I love him so.
You know Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is one of my Top 5 favorite movies, right? I mean, it’s basically the only movie I ever quote. My friend Kristy bought me this Large Marge sticker at one of the conventions she went to, because she is awesome and gets it. She really gets it. (Also, for my 31st birthday, she presented me with a framed still of one of Pee Wee’s scenes in Back to the Beach, which is also in my Top 5 favorite movies.) Having awesome people in my life is another thing to be happy about this week. Thank you, Awesome People!
Henry thinking he can suddenly play the keyboard after sitting in on one of Chooch’s lessons is hilarious.
Getting good feedback on Etsy makes me happy! non compos cards, helping people be jerks to their friends since 2006.
Having Monday off (thanks MLKJr!!) with Chooch and Marcy made me happy, but also a little delirious. This picture was our SOS for Henry to get his ass home from work. We can only take care of one another for so long.
<3 <3 <3 <3 Obviously. (Henry criticized me for always making the same face in pictures. I can’t help it!)
I got my special edition 20th anniversary Warped Tour ticket (glad I held off on buying mine when I bought Chooch’s in December, because these were just released)! THAT makes me happy. But then I start thinking of all the dire situations that could arise between now and July 15th and whoa, here comes the panic again.
But then I look at this text message from Henry and I’m laughing again. Ha-ha-ha.
Tell me what things are making you happy this week. LET US ALL HAVE A HAPPY RAINBOW-SQUIRTING FEST WITH EACH OTHER. FUN THURSDAY HAPPENING TIMES! MAYBE START CLAPPING FOR NO REASON?
I’m going to have my fifth cup of coffee right now, because at least when I’m making coffee, I’m doing something and when I’m doing something I’m not hearing a funeral dirge in my shattered mind.