Tweets + a List, be still my heart

Urgent. Will die without reading.

• 14:06 OMG turn fucking 18 already, kid!!!! #
• 14:44 Henry’s giving me a lesson in confidence. #
• 17:22 chooch poured glue in Henry’s hair while he was laying in bed, and it was 24carat awesomeness. #
• 18:21 If you ask my kid who his grandma is, he not surprisingly only mentions Henry’s mom. #
• 00:48 Double Shot of Love has shown me that LOVE IS REAL and EVERLASTING. Thank you, Ikki Twins. #
• 00:49 And why is the girl so shocked she didn’t get picked at the end? THEYRE NOT REAL LESBIANS. #

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• 09:15 Officially do not believe in the idea of bff. #
• 10:01 Lying to me must be some sick sport, because people sure love to do it. #
• 14:11 Henry just tried to have intellectual discourse with Manwich on his face #
• 17:27 One door closes and another opens. #
• 21:12 Funny, I didn’t realize that when I said “wish I could stay home!” b4 I left for work, that I’d actually get my wish! #
• 21:23 Oh universe, you sly devil. #
• 23:00 Oh hay, this is the first time I’ve been involuntarily unemployed. #

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• 08:49 Oh shit. That wasn’t just a bad dream. #
• 12:25 I might have to learn how to cook. #
• 12:31 How I managed to snag such a patient and supportive man is mind-boggling. #
• 09:08 How Long Do You Ignore a Tantrum Before It Stops: a forthcoming essay on toddler (& personal) histrionics by Erin R Kelly #

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• 13:25 I bet I could be a Sunday School teacher. Don’t you just need a Laura Ashley dress and some Jesus sandles? #
• 13:49 I’m starting to think karma lost my number. #
• 14:17 Srsly looking into starting Hank’s Dirty Cupcakes. I want the shop to have an awning made from Dickie’s with a big mustache on it. #
• 14:31 There is something to be said of my mental maturity when I squeal over new episodes of The Mighty B and iCarly. #
• 15:21 I could spend an entire day overthinking children’s jokes. #
• 18:41 My almost-to-be-ex-boss just gave me 2 valentine cookies so I will leave with a good taste in my mouth. He’s cute. #
• 20:51 HAHA Henry is buying STEEL NIPPLES at Home Depot. #

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• 14:00 twitpic.com/1dj9d – Waiting for Alice to start. Glorified high school play up in here. #
• 15:03 Dyanna and I are totally the only ppl here w/o kids. #
• 15:21 I could be a dancing flower. #
• 15:23 Just enjoyed a lovely cookie and juice box. Thanks Dyanna!! #
• 15:48 twitpic.com/1dlzu – Best frog in a play award goes to that girl #
• 18:36 Henry’s going thru a really awkward monochrome phase. #
• 19:05 There’s a table of washed up strippers here at McD’s PlayLand and one of their daughters is 7 & totally not wearing underwear. #
• 19:37 Chooch just kissed some girl’s babydoll. Very odd. #
• 22:35 drawing juice boxes, yo. #

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Things I wish to remember about Alice in Wonderland:

1. The introductory light show that had Dyanna concerned. “Is this the whole show?” she asked, and I think she was only half-kidding. And trust me, if you were there, you would have only half-kid about that too.
2. The curtained doorway that looked like a celery stalk’s vagina, which all the characters kept running through, and later the Cheshire Cat poked his face through for drawn-out periods of time.
3. When we got up to get our pre-school refeshments during intermission, one elderly woman said to her friend, “And Alice is black, can you imagine?”
4. The man who sat next to Dyanna, making her feel extra comfortable.
5. Dyanna giving me a dollar so I wouldn’t have to purchase my snacks with a handful of coins. THAT MEANS WE WERE ON A DATE.
6. The 70-year-old man playing the King, who I just know was back stage goosing all the teenaged girls.
7. Laughing because we only went since I got some random flier in the mail, making us the only random people there.
8. Realizing that there were tons of worse entertainment we could have purchased for $5 (dollar off for us flier-holders!)
9. The way the Cheshire Cat sleazed around the stage (he was played by a girl) and kept rubbing up on Alice almost sort of kind of made me blush a little.
10. The narrator’s fabulous glittery starred vest that would have made Liberace burst into a jazz-handed fireworks display if ever the two were in the same room.
11. Dyanna’s juice box incompetence.

In summary: it was a good to get my mind off things for an afternoon, so thank you  to Dyanna for accompanying me!