Tweets: at least they’re better than herpes. But even that’s arguable.

tweets

Feb 232009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

12:44 I always imagine ppl walking past my house and seeing the roof bouncing up and down from all the hysterics inside. #
13:07 I just spelled my name wrong three times in a row. Clearly that’s GOD telling me to change it to Errian. #
13:35 Chooch pushed me to the edge so I blurted out, “yeah well, barbra streisand wants to take a dump on your face.” #
15:05 Janna just put herself on the sacrificial slab, and by that, I mean she offered to come over tonight. #
17:01 Somehow I always end up apologizing when I’m nowhere near sorry and its not my fault. Fuck you, solipsistic family. #
17:15 Henry had me sign him up for twitter. @awoodhick. This should be jolly. #
17:35 I need to find a wine delivery service. #
17:56 Chooch had me draw a picture of @awoodhick drowning in a river. We laughed vigorously. #
21:36 Tonight is a very good night. I am breathing regularly and am not preparing for shooting pain in left arm #
21:46 Chooch keeps going “whatever loser” & making an L with his hand. He does it better than I did in the nineties, whatever that’s worth. #
22:06 Making Janna listen to Danity Kane and near-tears as I tell her their saga. #

14:18 God henry, why don’t you just get a THIRD job!? #
15:10 At Blue Flame having a placemat draw-off with Henry. I’m winning, but that’s like, the definition of duh. #
15:19 twitpic.com/1m5jc – Winning entry. #
16:00 iCarly merch temptation=fail. #
16:07 twitpic.com/1m75c – Trying to beat iCarly merch temptation. #
17:38 I don’t need help cooking, I just need someone to do it for me. Realize that, Henry! #
18:54 Henry’s pissing around in the other room on the computer. I guess the prospect of viewing Annie for the 56th time doesn’t appeal to him. #

10:54 Chooch is eating 3 very different kinds of cereal in the same bowl and just watching is doing painful things to my gag reflex. #
13:44 We are currently at the gas station where I picked up Mel the Homeless Man last year. Memories. Now I’m not even sure if that’s his name? # ****
15:17 dear henry is painting my nails #
15:34 Yeah. That worked well. It looks like I stumbled into a psych ward, gave a schizo some acid & had him dunk my fingertips in tar. Thx Henry.#
16:14 I hope I never have a need in life to perform the sign for the letter “k.” It is much too complex for a high school dropout like myself. #
20:30 At the Squirrel Cage with @dyannnnna and Janna. Janna is being a douchebitch. #
21:18 I am going to Beck’s Romance Motel with @awoodhick. He just doesn’t know yet. #
22:05 http://twitpic.com/1n77j – Well fuck you too, Janna. #
22:15 Just performed in a Math-a-lon while amaretto’d. #
22:50 Holy shit. Its not even 11 and my kid is asleep? A miracle. #

10:09 Sometimes my son is so sweet and angelic, I have to wonder if he was switched out during the night. #
10:09 Like God feels a moment of compassion & says “ok, give this bitch a break. Bring the Good Kid back. Just for an afternoon.” #
15:35 ‘Bout to start diggin’ sum ditches, ya’ll. Holler if you’s need me. #

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**** I had to go back and look because it was driving me nuts. Aw, memories: Mel the Occasional Hobo.