Apr 222014
 

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We are pretty apathetic when it comes to traditions in our house. I remember really loving the whole egg dyeing experience as a kid, and then getting stoked for it out of nowhere a few years ago to the point where I had an egg dyeing party (and, because I looked at the wrong calendar, I accidentally had it like 4 weeks before actual Easter, oh well), but mostly I’m just totally ambivalent about it. Chooch hadn’t even mentioned it, so I assumed we were going egg-free this year, but then at the last minute Henry was like, “Are we dyeing eggs?” and then Chooch and I were suddenly Egg Dyeing’s Biggest Fans.

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“This is dumb.”

Chooch immediately cracked every egg he dropped into the dye cup-things. Did I mention that HENRY bought the dye kits without us? Immediately made the process 87% less fun. WHO DOES THAT?!

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Goddammit, so did I.

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Erin + Jonny = Easter pukes for Henry.

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“You’re doing it wrong.”

I love that Henry stands around acting like some superior King Pinterest douchebag, judging our slipshod handiwork with smug smirks and disgusted lip curls, but then never EVER steps in to “show us how it’s done.” God, why don’t you just open an Etsy shop of judgments, Henry?

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You deserve this, Henry.

Chooch and I lost interest in < 10 minutes. Henry tried to get us excited by adding vegetable oil to some of the colors so we could try our hands at marbling, but…bitch, please. That’s not enough to stroke our attention erect.

Henry said this is the last year for egg dyeing. #toomanyweeners

Then the Penguins lost game 2 of the playoffs and my night was over. (And, in turn, so was Henry’s.)

***

Meanwhile, this was happening in my classy neighborhood, prompting a couple of my friends to admit that they thought it was going to be Henry for sure:

Brookline man arrested after fight with girlfriend, police

April 20, 2014 5:29 PM

By Andrew McGill / Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Aaron Goempel began his Easter by dying eggs with his girlfriend. He ended it in jail.

The 27-year-old Brookline man was arrested just after midnight Sunday after throwing hard-boiled eggs at his girlfriend and wrestling with police officers coming to her aid, according to court documents. At one point during the struggle to restrain him, he reached for a nearby sword, authorities said.

He remains in the Allegheny County Jail.

According to court documents, Mr. Goempel and his girlfriend were preparing for Easter by dying eggs in the living room of a residence on Wareman Avenue.

They got into an argument about Mr. Goempel’s infidelities, police said, and Mr. Goempel threw eggs at her, hitting her right eye and raising a bump.

She called the police. By the time they got there, Mr. Goempel had barricaded himself in his room.

The officers knew him: Mr. Goempel has been arrested multiple times for public drunkenness and disorderly conduct, police said. He also has a reputation as a spitter, according to court documents.

Breaking in, officers saw Mr. Goempel reaching toward a collection of knives and swords on his bedroom dresser. They quickly subdued him, though not before he kicked one officer in the crotch.

Taking no chances with spit, the officers slipped a pillowcase over Mr .Goempel’s head before taking him to the police car.

He is charged with aggravated and simple assault.

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/local/region/2014/04/20/Brookline-man-arrested-after-fight-with-girlfriend-police/stories/201404200224#ixzz2zYWREwCv

  8 Responses to “Easter Eggs: Who Cares”

  1. I usually get really excited about dyeing eggs but could not have cared less this year. Maybe I’m finally becoming an adult? Just in time for my 30th birthday.

  2. Is it bad that I would expect YOU to be the one whaling Easter eggs? :)

  3. I’ve never dyed eggs. What do you do with them afterward? Eat them?

  4. That article was amazing! We never get those kind of facts in the local rag here “reputation as a spitter” and “raised a bump”
    my two fav quotes

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