Thank fucking God. I’ve been personally invested in this case for quite some time now. After I watched some crime show about him, I felt like I had a real mission in life. I was going to start a coalition to vindicate him. I was going to make a website and go on Good Morning America and Tyra and I was going to collaborate with Bono to make the best charity mix CD ever. But by the time the show ended, I had to ask Henry to remind me what that dude’s name was, and by the next day, I had moved on to other missions, like eating raspberry preserves.
But now he’s free! That guy is way too hot to be in prison. Oh, and also he shouldn’t have been in prison because of that whole alibi thing.