Saturday Shotgun Shells

Before I bury you in a landslide of bullet points, I just want to thank every single person who reached out to me about my post the other day, whether it was on my blog, Facebook, Twitter, to my face at work, text—however you did it, thanks! I always enjoy feedback, especially when it’s positive. (Haha, I mean, duh.) I’m really glad that I was able to write something that resonated with so many people; I half-expected people to think I was just being silly (maybe that’s because one of my friends actually made me feel that way when I was telling her the story). It sucked to write it, but that’s life. Disappointments around every corner! Anyway, onward.

• I think I’ve worn stained clothing every day this week because I’ve been too sick to notice and also because I guess hanging dirty clothes in my closet is my new thing, I don’t know. At least today I got to cover my stain with a sticker proving that I donated $5 to wear jeans to work. I’m not a rebel like Jeannie, who wore jeans without boasting her sticker. (This is only a bullet point because Barb wanted it to be.)
• Hey speaking of wearing jeans to work, it’s a good thing I wore them because I’ve been spending the evening cleaning out my office because I GOT A NEW POSITION! Woo! It’s a lateral move, but IDGAF because it means that finally after 4 years, I get to work a normal daylight shift and not be a mole person anymore! I’m a little apprehensive because I will have a new boss and I have to learn an entirely new process, but holy shit now I can go to all of the concerts without having to request off work and NOW I CAN EAT DINNER WITH MY FAMILY AGAIN! What a fucking novelty. I’m excited to rejoin society and maybe get to go to a fucking happy hour once in awhile, Christ. I think this is going to be a good thing. Bye-bye tech support. I never fit in on over there, anyway.
  • Mean Amber was practically salivating last night at the prospect of training me for my new job, so now I’m kind of scared, ha-ha!
  • I almost started having a panic attack after I said yes to the new position and it’s almost like Jeannie can sense my fear/increased perspiration, because she came over and was like, “Let’s talk about how this is a good thing” and then I no longer felt like I was crouching on the Chicago Skydeck with the glass spidering beneath me.
  • Within 30 seconds of Sue sending out the “monthly news” email, which included a mention of my new position, Glenn emailed me and asked if there was an appeal process. HA HA HA.

• What you are seeing above is my contribution to a coloring contest going on here. I don’t understand why someone put a question mark on it. I think it’s self-explanatory that it was colored by someone in the middle of a rage blackout?
• Last weekend, I learned that those little Brit bitches, Sophia Grace & Rosie, have their own MOVIE, so I made puking noises. “I know, right!?” Chooch cried. He’s the best, you guys. (Except when he’s not.)
• This whole week has been fucking weird and disorienting. I kind of feel emotionally jostled.
• We watched “Pompeii” last night and it was not very good and I can’t remember anyone’s names but the whole time I was screaming, “THAT BLACK GUY BETTER NOT FUCKING DIE! HE’S GOING TO DIE, ISN’T HE!?” He was way better than that one white guy. It was OK but somehow I still cried at the end because that’s all I do now is cry.
  • Meanwhile, Chooch got all worked up when he found out I’ve been to Pompeii. He is OBSESSED with Italy and the more he finds out about my childhood, the more resentful he gets. It’s a super fun game we play, you guys! Team Erin, amirite?! AMIRITE?!!??!!? Also, his response to “Hey, the Senator is David from Lost Boys” was “No.”

• “So then I asked daddy if I could drink vodka and he was like ‘NO!’ And I was like SORRY, I didn’t know!” – Chooch, recounting his day to me.
• Hey, speaking of Chooch, he’s been watching YouTube cooking videos. Last weekend, he came bursting into our bedroom (scared the hell out of me) and said, “OMG look you guys! It’s a delicious DIY Superbowl snack!” and thrust his phone into my face. So after they picked me up from work last night, we had to go to the grocery store to get ingredients for lemon bars that Chooch wants to make. What is he, a goddamn Henry wannabe now? Then we came home and he settled in for more cooking shows:

• King Shit’s (Jonny Craig’s) ex-fiancée is following me on twitter now and we’ve had some interaction over the past week. I have to say, I am really sorry that I never bothered to give her a chance until all of this shit went down, because she is fucking great. And so much better off without him. I’m not going to lie, I kind of wish she was my best friend. She’s like the prettier, funnier, smarter, more talented and awesome version of me. So basically, not like me at all. But this whole situation has made me think about how different and more terrible break-ups are these day. When I went through my last break-up, which admittedly was actually not messy and a pretty clean break, that was in 2001. There was no Facebook or Twitter to put your ex on blast. I hadn’t even started my LiveJournal yet, so any hateful things I had to say would have been to the pages of my real life diary or to my cats. Can you imagine if Henry and I split? I would fucking break the Internet, you guys. Henry would have to go completely off the grid so I wouldn’t be able to harass him via social media. But let’s be honest, I would wait at least a year or two before Catfishing him.
  • #Teammandaface4l
  • In other King Shit news, Trenton from Hands Like Houses tweeted the other day: “Referring to women as bitches, sluts & sexual objects – meant seriously or not – is what creates a cultural attitude that this is ok.” I thought that was wonderful! But then I was like, “Wait….” So I replied and thanked him for that sentiment but asked if he was aware that he’s currently on tour with someone who makes awful comments about rape and domestic violence. I don’t even care if I get attacked by close-minded fangirls at this point. I’m not keeping my mouth shut on this one.

• Not gonna lie, this Artifex Pereo album that was just released this week just might be the album of the year. Please, please, please do yourself a solid and purchase the shit out of this. Especially if you like non-screamy, classic post-hardcore in the vein of Circa Survive. They also remind of me a tiny bit of The Receiving End of Sirens, if you’re into that. And if not, you should be because that was a great fucking band. I’m trying to get Henry to agree to go to Cleveland to see them on July 5th with Icarus the Owl, because these guys are going to fucking explode, I just know it, and I would like to see them while they’re still playing a small show in a bowling alley. So tell Henry to take me. It’s a Saturday, for Christ’s sake!

• One of our old co-workers, Missy, came back yesterday! Not just for a visit, but to actually take back her old position, so that’s been exciting because too many people were leaving there for awhile. Sandy decided that we should make a welcome back sign for her and assigned several of us letters to decorate. Can you guess which one is mine? I want to say it’s totally fancy, but I feel like that’s basically complimenting Glenn and ew. no. Anyway, I also got the “K” but I was running out of time to color it so my last minute inspiration was to model it off a blouse I imagine one of our co-workers could possibly wear.
• Tonight, I’m meeting up with some local bloggers to discuss the possibility of putting together a ‘zine! I can’t tell you how stoked I am for this. When Jeannie asked me what I was doing this weekend, I was like, “Ugh, I’m sure you’re going to mock me, but…” and then I told her but she was like, “No, for once, I actually think that’s cool.” BABY STEPS, you guys! One day, Jeannie will admit that she thinks I’m totally cool.
• Fuck the Rangers. Fuck the Blackhawks.
• Chooch has a birthday party to go to at the roller rink after his piano lesson and I’m actually excited to go with him because my undiagnosed illness has prevented me from exercising ALL WEEK (seriously, I haven’t exercised since last Sunday morning before we left for Allentown and I feel such fat) so I’m looking forward to skating off some of the chub.
• SPEAKING OF ALLENTOWN (ugh that trip is going down in infamy), some of you guys seemed to really like the whole live blogging thing! (Barb was excited to tell me that on Tuesday because sometimes she likes to prove that she still reads this sinking ship.) So, maybe that format will happen from time to time. Let’s not get too carried away though. Although, we do have a small road trip coming up in June, so maybe then? I have to say, it was nice to knock those posts out in real time as opposed to coming home and trying to put together something from memory. And also, if I’m putting all that shit in a blog post as it happens, then I’m not tweeting and Facebooking every single backhanded thing Henry says to me in the car, so there’s less Erin in your feed. Win/win. I love writing (or blogging, since some people might argue that what I do these days is a far cry from writing) and as excited as I get to document things, I also put this weird fucking pressure on myself to GETITDONE!!! and you know what that really makes me want to do? Watch music videos on YouTube instead. I’m so defiant that I even defy myself. THIS IS WHY I DON’T GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE.
• Real Talk: I’m glad that blogging is one of the few things in life I haven’t given up on.

OK, go! Enjoy your weekend, fools!