Mar 202009
 

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 21:21 Had to call the wah-bulance for Choochel Knieval. #
  • 09:37 Somewhere along the way I unlearned how to eat cereal. #
  • 11:06 Mama needs a spa day. And by that I mean a day of loud music, liquor and maybe some wanton sex with a Sheik. #
  • 11:15 But I suppose at this point, I’d accept a quiet room, coffee and a crossword puzzle. #
  • 16:42 Asked chooch if he’s going to college & he said no, he wants to stay on the playground. Pretty sure I had the same answer when I was 17. #
  • 17:56 Its sad when I hear a father and son talking in statistics and I know exactly what they’re talking about. #
  • 18:24 There are so many examples of child endangerment/neglect at this playground. #
  • 20:19 Janna is singling along to Annie and I am disturbed. She also said “Never Fully Dressed w/o a Smile” is her alltime fave song. #
  • 20:20 I guess it replaced The Thong Song, which was her fave song last time I checked. #
  • 21:42 I’m going to start naming Chooch’s personalities. Tonight he is entertaining & sweet as opposed to last nite’s devil horned brute. #

  • 11:32 This may come as a shock to some, but I could never be a teacher due to a lack of that patience shit. #
  • 14:57 With Henry comes a trail of trash and urine-daubed toilet seats. #
  • 19:33 An ex got me a Polly Pocket playset for V-Day. 12 yrs later, my kid is now playing with it & the lights still work. Dunno how I feel. #
  • 23:37 I’ve taken to replying to myself on Twitter, just like my heyday on LiveJournal. #

  • 11:07 Thank god Chooch said no when I offered him an orange, since I don’t know how to peel one. #
  • 12:15 Its like Nicole Ritchie has been babysitting my son. #
  • 12:59 My Polly Pockets went 12yrs unscathed. One night with Chooch, and one is now an amputee. #
  • 13:03 I’m mentally exhausted. #
  • 13:56 I’ve never seen someone get so hyped over chick peas and croutons. #
  • 14:00 If anyone is looking for Easter plans, head on over to my abode where we will be dining on Jesus’s face. According to Chooch, anyway. #

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  3 Responses to “A shotgun please? To put my tweets out of their misery.”

  1. i still can’t believe the negligence you told me of from the playground. it’s crazy.

    i swear you have the best tweets in the world.

  2. i enjoy reading the tweets.

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