Like pouring tweets into a wound

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 14:53 shouldn’t still be crying about this. #
• 17:34 Chooch just asked me if he can say asshole. He’s been saying it freely for a year, and NOW he’s going to ask for permission? Seriously? #
• 19:43 Makes me hot when Henry roasts vegetables. #
  

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• 11:00 Have an incredible urge to build a lemonade stand, then use it as a snuff film front. #
• 12:42 Chooch just lost a battle with a bottle of white pepper. Commence sneezing. #
• 12:56 twitpic.com/2n7ot – There are days when defenestration sounds desirable to me, too. #
• 13:46 twitpic.com/2na1t – Chooch’s gang sign. He be skinnin’ bitches. #
• 17:38 Teaching Chooch to throw a frisbee is turning into a circus sideshow. #
• 21:38 “I already know I can’t like that,” said Chooch upon seeing the swiss cheese in my hand. #
  

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• 11:10 Wants to have a fondue party, complete with a naked waitstaff. #
• 11:56 My hair stylist said she was going to mix my color b4 I came in, but had a hunch I wanted something different. I love psychics. #
• 14:13 if i leave now, i can be a free woman by sunset. #
• 17:33 Dear passersby: glad to have given you a good show as I broke into my own house after my son locked me out. #
• 19:50 I promised Chooch I wouldn’t scream during tonite’s Pens game. Broke it in the 1st 6 minutes. Sorry babe. I’ll buy ya a pony. I promise. #
• 20:09 MVP!!!! #
  

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• 13:17 I never have liked collaborations. Now I remember why. #
• 19:54 Chooch, getting fresh with older ladies since 2006. #
• 20:09 I want to get 5, maybe 11, Bumpits and stack them on my dome for a coif all 1950s diner waitresses would envy. #
• 20:39 Chooch, pretending to talk to Jesus via Converse: “I hate you, bitch!” & then, all upset: “Oh no, I forgot to say bye!” #
• 20:55 Just chucked a water bottle at Janna so hard that there is legitimate deformation. To the bottle, not Janna. (Unforch.) #
  

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• 10:22 I want to have an easter egg hunt. But, you know – my way. #
• 12:35 Chooch: I want to be born again. Henry: Cool. I’ll help push you back in there. #

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