Sep 032014
 

When Chris told me she was resigning a few weeks ago, I silently vowed to write her off FOREVER. I might have some slight abandonment issues. Among others.

But then Lauren was like “WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR HER!

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” And I was like “FINE!!!” So I painted her an owl even though she BETRAYED me.

Chris loves owls. I should have painted her something she HATES so she could experience the same sour pangs in her gut as me.

ULTRA SIGH.

Today was her last day so Lauren, Nate and I went with her to Sal’s for her last dumb lunch downtown. My grilled cheese tasted AWFUL.

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Like BETRAYAL and ORPHANAGE MOTHBALLS.

And POUND PUPPIES.

UGH.

Afterward, our merry band of processors plus some others presented her with the painting, which everyone had signed, and then we had CHAMPAGNE, so suddenly Chris’s Last Day wasn’t so bad after all. But every time I drink champagne at work, I get all weird and wound up, and this time I ended up spilling all of my secret Help Desk crushes and stalking tactics to Glenn and Mean Amber, who were just like, “What the hell?”

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Oh sure, I appear to be smiling in that photo, but on the inside, I was the embodiment of Sally Struthers’ whimpering voice. IT FELT LIKE CHRIS’S FUNERAL, OK.

Also, I taped a “Cry Me a River” Glenn to the back of the painting, because come on.

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I couldn’t send her off without one last Glenn.

Later, A-ron came over and did a stupid dance to cheer me up. It kind of worked. Just a little.

GOODBYE CHRIS. I’m glad you left for something better, but I hope you don’t find a parallel universe Erin over there who also likes weird fruit, Warped Tour, and I can’t think of anything else I like right now because I’m too sad.

  4 Responses to “Chris’s Dumb Last Day”

  1. I was directed to your blog last night from a friend. I’ve read two. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you – but not in a weird or creepy way…I think…

  2. Why do good people have to leave?! I don’t deal well with change, so I feel you on this.

Say it don't spray it.

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