Jan 162015




I’ve been threatening to have a giveaway for a few months now and today is the damn day. I love giving stuff away! It makes me feel like the poor white trash version of Oprah. Plus, you guys come here and suffer through endless words, in hopes of finding something of value. I fail you a lot with my asinine bulletpoint thoughts, whining, and CAPSLOCK parties. So this one’s for you, fair reader!

(Were you referred here by a friend? This page will tell you all you need to know about this blog! It even has a picture of me, which is like the most important part about a bio, knowing that it’s for an actual human being and not an expired can of split pea soup.)

Here are the details:

One winner.

Three prizes:




Emarosa is one of my favorite bands (especially now that they finally replaced Jonny Craig!). They released an album in September of 2014 called Versus, after being AWOL for three years, and this album was in my top 5 of 2014. I am so adamant about people knowing about this band, that I have gone out and bought a second copy of the CD just to give away to someone. Please know that I will be nagging the winner for their opinion. “DIDYOULISTEN? DIDYOULISTENYET? HOWABOUTNOW? DOYOULIKEIT? WHATSYOURFAVORITESONG!?!?!?” I live for this damn band.

2. A best friend zombie brain necklace from Canadian artist Beat Black!


Made from polymer clay, this is basically the best way to consummate a sick, twisted, unhealthy friendship — you know you have one of those! Just make sure you give the other half to someone who deserves it.

3. A custom Somnambulant (that’s just me, don’t get too excited) caricaturish* portrait on an 8×8 canvas:


Above are some examples of past work of faces. Just tell me what face you want—yourself, your kid or some stranger’s kid, Bobcat Goldthwait, Sarah Palin with horns—-I’m game.

*That’s artist speak for “I’m not a real artist and have no idea what I’m talking about.”


The Boring Details

This contest will stay up until next Wednesday, January 21st, 2015 and I will officially close it down and pick a winner at 9:00pm EST.  Anyone is eligible, even people in jail and…fans of Katy Perry. Please note that because the third prize is something that doesn’t yet exist, I will need at least 2 weeks to get everything shipped out to the winner. So go forth and enter! And please tell your friends to read my blog. AIN’T 2 PROUD 2 BEG.

If you don’t feel like sifting through my heavy-handed blog posts, here are some popular posts (according to my stats, not some imaginary American Blogger contest) you can share:

1. Sunday Lock-Out 

2. Don’t Ask Me About Tofu

3. The Big Angry Blow Me

4. An Old Person’s Perspective of Warped Tour: An Exclusive Interview with Henry

5. How Not to Stalk Strangers in a Cemetery

Here, use this handy form to enter!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

  62 Responses to “Free Stuff. Giveaway. Contest. No Cost To You.”

  1. i’d love one of myself please! i love the zombie necklace too!

  2. This is for our local vol fire department,thanks

  3. I’d like to see one of my kids.

  4. Wouldn’t it be great to see my face on a unicorn?

  5. It would either be my puppies, or Norman Reedus as Daryl Dixon from Walking Dead :)

  6. I’d love to see a circus clown painted in that style. I’m having a circus party later this year and that artwork would look great at it!

  7. I would love to see my kids painted that way!

  8. I’m kinda heart broken I found this after the 21st lol. I want those zombie necklace & those paintings are awesome! haha

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