It happened in between PVRIS and Emarosa. We were walking down a hill, headed to the Black Craft Cult merch tent because Henry wanted to get a larger size in the Lucipurr shirt he bought for Chooch. Henry was in front of us when Chooch spotted the Warped Youtubers tent over to the left. A small line had formed, idiot girls waiting to get their pictures taken with these kids who are inexplicably Youtube famous.
What a world we live in, where the term “Youtube famous” is a thing.
“I want to meet BryanStars,” Chooch decided right then and there. “I just want to hear him say ‘Werped Ter.'”
As I mentioned in a previous post, Chooch and I like to watch these Warped Tour videos on YouTube and crack up at how some of the Midwestern Youtubers say Warped Tour. Bryan Stars is the major one who we ironically watch, and it drives Henry up the wall. He absolutely cannot stand this kid, because Henry is an Internet bully.
I’m not really sure how Bryan Stars became “famous,” but he has been interviewing bands on YouTube for years. One of his sit-downs with Never Shout Never turned into a notorious shit show and Bryan Stars is so beloved by his fans, that NSN ended up taking a lot of heat for blowing up at him. (Christofer Drew even made him cry!) It is incredibly painful to watch.
So we get in line and I’m like, “Whyyyyy are we doing this? This is so embarrassing!” and Chooch is all, “No it will be great. We’ll just hear him say Werp Ter and then we’ll leave.”
And then Henry realized we weren’t behind him anymore and had to retrace his steps. Please see above photo for his reaction when he saw what we were in line for.
“Daddy’s so disappointed in us,” Chooch laughed.
So then it was our stupid turn and Bryan was all, “Hey man, what’s up?”
Chooch: *becomes a cabbage*
Me: *Gets Warped Tour schedule wet with tears as I see all the bands we’re missing at this moment*
Bryan: Do you watch my videos?
Chooch, nervously: Uh….not really.
Me: *dies slowly*
Bryan: Do you want a picture?
Chooch, shrugging again: Sure, OK, yeah, I guess.
Me: *take the fastest picture of my life while backing away*
Bryan: Do you want to meet Jordan? Hey Jordan, come here.
Me: *please make it end*
Jordan: *lots of awkward body movements that I think might have been a wave*
Me: *This is so dumb*
Bryan: Um, so, do you like, want to be in a band when you grow up?
Chooch: Uh, not really.
Me, desperately attempting to make a fissure in the ice: I want him to be, but he’s going to end up being something stupid….like a doctor.
[No one laughs.]
Jordan: *reaches out awkwardly to shake my hand*
Me: *swept away in a gust of awkwardness*
Bryan: So…..are you having fun at Werp Ter?
And then for the next hour, Chooch relived this moment and cracked the fuck up.
I was so pissed off at him though, because they were so awkward to begin with, and Chooch was making it worse by barely answering their questions, so then I felt obligated to say words and the whole time I was like WHY AM I STANDING HERE WITH THESE KIDS?!
Meanwhile, we found out later that right after we ditched Henry to go to the Warped YouTubers tent, Henry slid down the hill.
That was literally the only bad part of the day. Henry slid down the hill.
AND WE MISSED IT.
But, Chooch got to hear ‘Werp Ter’ so I guess that’s all that matters.
(Ugh, it pains me to admit this, but those guys were super sweet and adorable, even while slowly pulling us down in their awkward quicksand.)