Alone At Kennywood, Part 3: Selfie-Heavy Photolude

OK

Chooch was all smiles and giggles all day long, but every time I would go to take a picture, he would put on his Sad Boy persona because he wanted Henry to see how sad we were without him. Which is great, but he didn’t tell me why he was doing this until the day was almost over, so I look like I’m forcing my child to spend time with me, like oh wow look at that lady, trying to be a loving mom all of a sudden. I look like my cheesy smile is about to engulf him whole.

I always forget how abusive the Musik Express is. Why can’t they line those bars with pillows?! I had bruises for the next week. Henry would find a new one and ask, “What’s that fr—–” and I would cut him off with, “Musik Express, OK? GOD, LAY OFF WITH THE QUESTIONS.”

Maybe I should let him think my bruises are from trolley-trauma—I bet then he’ll start driving me to work again!

In line for the Jack Rabbit, one of the most hilarious wooden coasters of all time. Please, People of the Internet, come visit me so we can ride the Jack Rabbit together! When I was in middle school, my best friend Christy and I would sing the “It’s beyond me, help me Mommy” part from the Rocky Horror Picture Show song “Don’t Dream It” as we ascended the first hill, the one right before the double dip. I think about this every single time I ride the Jack Rabbit; it might be time to teach Chooch so we can dust off that old tradition.

Or maybe CHRISTY and her kids can just come to Kennywood with us next summer!?

I was trying to get a picture of that Historic National District sign, don’t flatter yourself, Kid.

Second lunch at Johnny Rockets. Should have just taken him here to begin with, because finishing off chicken strips is always a guarantee with him. I got to have coffee while he ate and it was fantastic. I always forget that I’m an addict until I haven’t had any for four hours and start to get snippy with people and everything around me seems amplified and blown out of proportion. So when the waitress told me that they don’t serve iced coffee, I all but cried, “I DON’T CARE, BRING ME REGULAR THEN.” And so she did and I sat there nursing my steaming cup of coffee with a drunk smile on my pudding face.

Our Johnny Rockets visit was nice because we got to slow down our pace and talk about things, like Minecraft (snooze alert) and MUSIC and the derpy people around us.

Chooch didn’t like his fries because they were “American fries” and not “French fries.”

Chooch wanted to pretend like we were drunk, so…
 

During one of our line-waits for the Racer, I noticed a little girl further ahead of us in the queue. She kept making eyes at Chooch every time we passed each other. Finally, when the line stopped moving and she found herself across from him, she blurted out, “I like your hair!”

He made this annoyed smirk and rolled his eyes! “Thanks,” he muttered.

I felt so bad that he snubbed her, so I told her I liked her shirt (I did! It had ice cream cones and hot dogs on it) and that seemed to brighten her up a little. Then when the line started moving again, I made sure to tell Chooch that he was rude as fuck back there.

“WHAT DID I DO?!” he yelled, and I was like, “JUST BE NICE TO GIRLS, OMG.”

Actually, now that I think about it, this happened after Janna joined us and that little girl’s rejection was probably a major trigger for her. Lol supreme!

I used to love this ride, but it’s currently on my puke-a-rama black list ever since I almost puked after riding one of these at Waldameer last summer. Or the summer before that. Who knows anymore. THE DAYS ARE ALL A BLUR. I used to ride it alone because Chooch was too short but now he rides it alone while I sit on a bench like a basic mom.

Thunderbolt! I’m suspicious of amusement parks that don’t have wooden coasters.

  

Chooch will only drink lemonade and milk because he’s a freak and a huge disgrace to his father who slings FAYGO for a living, so we had to bounce from one refreshment stand to the next in search of something non-carbonated to coat his precious throat. I was getting so pissed! Just drink water! WWHD in a situation like this? Probably go straight to the correct beverage stand on his first try because he has done it so many times before while I’m not paying attention/standing in line for a ride/looking for a new boyfriend/crying about something.

Also, lemonade is expensive!

I mean, how great are amusement parks once the lights come on? It almost makes me forget how much it costs to get in. ALMOST.

 

  
  

Chooch was supposed to help me caption these but he’s a punk ass bitch who all of a sudden “has to do homework.” OH OK.

One more Kennywood post to go! It’s the one where Janna makes her grand entrance and I almost lost consciousness on a ride.