Jul 102009
 

Tonight is Henry’s last night at his second job, and we are both very happy about that. Slightly scared for our financial future, but I know we’ll be a lot happier. We were starting to implode under the stress – Henry from never being home and getting very little sleep, and me from being around Problem Child all day, every day. Plus, I think maybe we might have missed each other a little, too.

I have been a little frazzled lately.

I spoke with my mom on Monday for the first time since last November. Basically, the conversation was dominated by her nonsensical spewing of political conspiracy theories, and begging me not to take a vaccination if someone tries to inject me, because this happened in the ’70s too and it’s called depopulation and OMG OMG OMG she’s moving to Canada. I was in tears, she had me so frustrated. Anytime I would try and tell her how I’ve been doing, she’d interrupt me, once to tell me about a fox that has been digging up her yard. She not once asked about Riley. I can’t say I’m surprised, as she did blatantly miss Christmas and his birthday, and didn’t bother to call when he had to go to the ER a few weeks ago (yes, she knew about it).

The next day, she was admitted to the hospital. According to my equally-as-crazy aunt Sharon, it was for her high blood pressure and they were going to discharge her the next day. Well, now it’s Friday and she’s still in there and I have no idea what’s going on because my only source of information is Sharon, who suffers from chronic Pollyanna disorder and she coats every thing with a triple layer of sunshine and positivity.

It’s hard for me to care about someone who clearly doesn’t give a shit about me, but at the same time, I’m still concerned. I’m hoping that a stay in the hospital might wake her up a little, bring my old mom back. Not that we ever had a great relationship, but it never used to be this estranged and tumultuous. I feel like if I had had Chooch six or seven years ago, perhaps she’d actually have taken a more active role in his life, back before she lost most of her mind and reality. But as it is now, and has been since he was born, she’s very unemotional and awkward around him. In fact, no one really on that side of my family seems to really want to spend any time with him, and that’s probably for the best.

I’m just tired of letting this drag me down; they’re my ball and chain. They are the source of 99% of what plagues me emotionally and mentally, yet I keep letting them back in and all they do is knock me down and down and down.

And this subject has gone on entirely too long.

In much better news, Warped Tour was Wednesday and it was a fantastic day, all ups and no downs. Pictures forthcoming!

  12 Responses to “a post of random happenings”

  1. I would be stressed in your situation, too! It must have been a hard choice, deciding whether or not to ditch Henry’s second job. I hope now you’ll get to have some time to yourself, to recharge every once in awhile. Which isn’t selfish.

    • Henry not being here was really taking a toll on Riley too. He’s been acting out and is really terrible to try and control lately. I had been having mini-breakdowns the last few weeks and there were a few times Henry had to come home from work because I felt like I was losing my mind. It was scary!

      I think this is the best decision we could have made.

  2. I myself have plenty of mama drama with my mother. I’m sorry that she’s not there for you or for your family.

    • Every time I think I’ve accepted that this is just how she is, something happens and I get upset and frustrated all over again. I hate it.

      And then I found out tonight that she’s been home from the hospital since last night, but no one felt compelled to tell me. Awesome family. This is what I get for giving a shit!

  3. Your mom reminds me of my mother-in-law.

    Uh. I know that’s not a terribly profound thing to say, but I’m a big fan of the sympathy of strangers, and me being a stranger to you, well. I can relate.

    However, that is great news about H working less. I was at a dinner party last night where a very precocious (read: undisciplined horror show) 5 year old was doing all sorts of acting out and it was very hard for me not to throw out some unasked for “I have no kids” parenting advice. But I refrained. I can be an asshole, but not THAT kind of asshole.

    Here’s for hoping more Henry means a saner Erin and a saner Chooch.

    • Thank you for this, Carrie. I’m a fan of sympathy of strangers too.

      I may be a mom, but I’m still not a fan of other people’s kids. And these past few mths, I saw my kid turning into That Kid, the kind that you experienced at the dinner party, probably, and I just couldn’t let it go on like that. I always said that if I had a kid, it’d NEVER act like that in public, and when Chooch started that shit, Henry and I both knew it was his way of expressing his unhappiness of our new situation. If having a little less money means having a happier child, then I’ll take it.

      Thanks again for the well-wishin’!

  4. I feel guilty for not letting my parents watch my son, and I feel sad that he doesn’t have a Hallmark Card relationship with them, but then I remember all the things they did that made me all fucking crazy and I think well… it’s ok they just buy our clothes and pay our cell phone bill and see him every so often for a couple hours. It’s not like a magical healthy relationship can come from people who don’t have healthy relationships with anyone.

  5. *hugs* I’m so sorry that you’ve been stressed out by this lately. I’m here for you. <3333333333

    • Thanks, I appreciate that! Now that Henry’s not working his second job, let me know the next time you and Liz walk the track – I’d like to join if that’s cool!

  6. i totally feel your disappointment in family. my youngest sister has been a total bitch and not communicated with me since my third trimester. and now my son is already 20 m.o. no matter how much i try to block the thought of her out of my mind. it still upsets me. in her warped, arrogant, immature, pathetic, delusional mind she feels justified. though it really sucks about your mom, it’s pseudo-comforting to know that you’ve been through the same hell. xo… : )

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