Oct 072015
 

Today is the Dip Off, Dip Day, Day of Dip, whatever we’re calling it when everyone brings in a dip to work. Originally, I was going to give Henry a reprieve since the pie party is coming up and he will be doing all kind of kitchen work for that day. But then one day last week I looked at the sign up sheet and noticed that no one was doing anything along the lines of SAVORY PUMPKIN. And I mean come on now, autumn. So I asked Henry if he would consider making a savory pumpkin dip and he muttered, “Whatever you want.” Because of course it’s whatever I want.

I found a delightful-sounding pumpkin parmesan dip on the Internet and it seemed easy so I didn’t think Henry would mind too much. Plus, I knew for a FACT that we had a can of pumpkin guts already on hand.

I put myself down on the “dipper” side though, just in case Henry bitched out. Then I could just bring in pumpernickel pretzel rods and call it a day.

On Friday, I was filing some stuff away and happened to glance at the sign-up sheet when I saw it.

GLENN WAS BRINGING PUMPKIN PARMESAN DIP.

I did a whole bunch of verbal fist-shaking at the back of Glenn’s head and he just mumbled, “Looks like you should have signed him up for that then.”

^&(%^*%$^*%_P_(&*^&%^*%

I mean, OK — good point. But still!

So then I was like FORGET IT HENRY. HALT THE DIP-MAKING ENGINE. I’M NOT BRINGING ANYTHING TO THE DUMB THING.

And then I found a light and refreshing-sounding green pea dip. So I sent it to Henry and he said, “We’ll see.”

Then it was 7:00 last night and I was like, “Well…are you making the dip or what?” and he was “Jesus Christ, Erin!” So then he went to the store and made the dip and I thought it was terrible and we had a fight about how “it has to sit for a while!” and I cried, “WELL YOU BETTER JUST GO AND GET THOSE PUMPERNICKLE THINGS BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE THAT SHITTY DIP TO WORK!” It was after 9 by this time, and there he went, back out to the store.

I tried the dip this morning and it tasted much better! So look at me, now I had a dip AND a dipper to bring with me!

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The secret ingredient in my dip (haha, “my”) is tofu but I didn’t broadcast that very widely because god forbid tofu. I think because there is no heavy cream or cheese of any sort in it, it might be kind of healthy?

Glenn is less immature than me so he actually had nice things to say about the dip. Todd, too, until he learned of tofu’s presence inside the dip. So finally, I decided I would try Glenn’s dumb dip and made a big production of telling everyone within earshot that it wasn’t that great, OK at best. But really, it was super good and I knew it would be because why else would I have chosen that SAME RECIPE FOR HENRY?!

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Here is a very real life, non-curated photo. Shit’s real here at the law firm. We make messes sometimes.

Meanwhile, Gayle brought a separate dip with no bacon in it just for me because she’s scared of my fury;  I was hesitant to eat it because she told me this in front of Glenn and Todd, and who knows if they keep bacon bits in their pocket. I would not put any level of dip sabotage past them.

In other news, I’m not saying I’m magic or anything but don’t you think it’s curious that a week after I named my succulent Boz Scaggs, the real BOZ SCAGGS announced that he’s coming to Pittsburgh?!


What a great, sultry photo of Mr. Scaggs.

I excitedly told everyone about this today and Glenn felt inspired to fire up some old school Scaggs hits on his computer in an effort to teach Amber2 and Todd of his existence. The consensus after hearing Lowdown and Lido Shuffle was, “Nope.”

“He’s like the poor man’s Barry Manilow,” I said to him and Glenn vehemently disagreed with me so now I think Boz is his brother.

“Glenn come on. He’s a second rate Barry Manilow!” I argued. I mean, I love Boz Scaggs, clearly, but barely anyone even knows who he is anymore!

“He was really big there for awhile,” Glenn muttered in defense of the Scaggs.

“Yeah, but none of us were alive then!” I laughed, meaning me, Amber, and Todd. Obviously Glenn has been alive for hundreds of years. And then I taught Glenn about Yacht Rock, which he didn’t know existed and you just know he’s at home right now Googling it.

And then in non-work news, I was on the phone with Henry while outside on my break and he told me that he dropped on a pallet on the same foot that was run over by a pallet jack and I wheezed, “OMG OK I HAVE TO GO NOW” and then ran back to work so I could tell everyone, as I doubled over with laughter.

There was a collective round of Poor Henry after that.

  3 Responses to “Dips n’ Scaggs n’ Pallet Feet”

  1. Your dip dish wins for cutest ever. I want a bat dish!

    Maybe you should get a succulent and name him after the Cure so they will hit Pittsburgh as well?

  2. “I excitedly told everyone about this today and Glenn felt inspired to fire up some old school Scaggs hits on his computer in an effort to teach Amber2 and Todd of his existence. The consensus after hearing Lowdown and Lido Shuffle was, “Nope.””

    Glenn felt inspired! TOLHURST!

    “and he told me that he dropped on a pallet on the same foot that was run over by a pallet jack and I wheezed, “OMG OK I HAVE TO GO NOW” and then ran back to work so I could tell everyone, as I doubled over with laughter.”

    WHY is this making me laugh?! WHY WHY WHY? Now I’m the one inspired! I’m going to take soooooo many photos of pallets and pallet jacks and post them on Henry’s wall.

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