OK, Pappap, you sit there real nice and quiet, alright? Do not peek out from the blind fold! And then you’re going to hold this stupid Cabbage Patch doll real tight like you like her, ‘k? Pretend like you like the dolly. Don’t let her watch me, Pappap! Seriously, she’ll get upset if she sees what I’m doing.
Pappap? Are you listening to me? OK, good. Hey, remember that one time when we were in Florida and that mean girl tried to drown me in the hotel kiddie pool and Pappap you were like ‘Hey, get your hands off my granddaughter or I’ll sue your whole entire bastard family!’? Remember that, Pappap? That was awesome, Pappap. Pappap, remember when I wanted that swing set and I showed you it in the catalogue and then I drewed a big red circle around it so you would not ever forget it, Pappap? And I tolded you to take it to work so you could call the number and have it bought for me? Pappap, did you do that? OK. ‘Cuz that’s what you said last week and Aunt Sharon said you were lying to me just like Mommy lies when she says she loves me and I was not really a mistake like Grandma says after she drinks that stuff that looks like water but stinks real strong like stuff you clean with?
Don’t peek! Pappap, I seen you! I seen your eye ball and you was peeking! I’m not done yet, Pappap! You’re dropping the dolly.
Are you sleeping? Pappap, is you awake still? Pay attention to me! Are you listening? Remember how you said I’m a princess? Then can I has my own country? With lots of unicorns and lollipops. And all kind of mustards? And no boys! Boys make me mad and then I kick them and push them down hills and then I get yelled at.
Ooh, Smurfs are on!
OK Pappap, I’m almost done. These scissors are not sharp like the ones my daddy uses to cut down the weeds. How come, Pappap? Pappap, wake up! OK, I’m done. I’m going to hand you all these parts I cut off the Cabbage Patch and you have to tell me what they are without seeing.
Grandma, I is not weird. Pappap, tell her.