Nov 242015

12:12pm: Henry and I just left the house for Cleveland. Tonight is the Dance Gavin Dance 10th Anniversary tour and I can guarantee I will be, at the very least, dry-heaving at some point. I want to say that this will be a Liveblog event (lol) but I upgraded my phone and now my WordPress app is revolting. I’ll at least try to get shots of all of the flamboyant frowns that are sure to hijack Henry’s face throughout the day!

12:57pm: I made myself eggs this morning which is never wise. If I were to get sick, would it have happened by now? I feel like I’m starting to get sick now but I can’t determine if it’s nerves or salmonella. 

1:00pm: JUST MADE CONTACT WITH THE FIRST TRUCKER OF THE TRIP! He gave me a salutory headnod and Henry frowned. I feel better now. But maybe a candy bar might help too. Meanwhile, we just went through the toll booth thing and the toll booth guy asked Henry how he was doing. “You didn’t ask him how he was doing, rude” I said as we drove off. “He’s sitting in a toll booth making money, he’s fine,” Henry mumbled. 

1:06pm: Not gonna lie though, I can still taste those eggs. 

1:30pm: when you order an iced latte and they give it to you hot and you don’t have the patience to wait for a new one or to paint your nails anymore for that matter. 


Suck a dick, Panera. 

2:36pm: Saw a sign on the highway that said “No HM” and Professional Driver Henry didn’t know what it meant!! Google tells me it means “hazardous materials” so hopefully if you were the type to cart around HM, you’d be able to decode such signs. 

3:00pm: My favorite store in Cleveland is CLOSED ON TUESDAYS, whyyyyy?!  

3:28pm: Just had one of the most satisfying pees of my life in the Burger King bathroom. 30 minutes to kill before the place we’re eating dinner at opens so Henry has been cruising around Detroit Ave since EVERY vintage shop is closed today. Why you hate me, CLE?

3:58pm: We’re about to meet our friend Jason for food at Happy Dog. “Don’t worry I’ll try not to call you BAE in front of your buddy,” I laughed. “How about try not calling me it AT ALL,” Henry barked. 


4:05pm: I’M GOING FOR IT. 



And man was it great to see our buddy Jason and talk all things music! His reaction when I told him I went to see Boz Scaggs was priceless.   

5:54pm: Officially in line outside of House of Blues after Henry road raged and then his resistance to commit vehicular homocide was rewarded with a parking space right across the street. Also? So fucking old and everyone stared at us when we slipped into line. Don’t fucking care.

6:15pm: just met th Cleveland Stick Man. He was giving away warm hugs but no one would take one. He let me hold his walking stick that he just finished today – it has Saint Nick on it! He reminded me of Henry’s mom, if she were a homeless black man. 

6:45pm; Inside HOB now and far away from the couple behind me who made out the whole time and giggled like junior high bitches. I’m armed with a can of cider and ready to have my emotions steamrolled. Meanwhile, some mom-broad just told Henry that she wasn’t trying to play footsies with him, just trying to get her feet situated. He seemed disappointed. 

7:31: I waited years to see Strawberry Girls but it was worth it. Zachary Garron basically had sex with his guitar on stage. WE WERE ALL THERE FOR THE MONEY SHOT. Henry’s review: *half shrug* they weren’t bad.   

8:09pm: Dayshell is over now. They were ok. I tried to explain to Henry that the singer Shayley used to do clean vocals in Of Mice & Men and now there is bad blood between the two bands, bad enough to that Dayshell gave up their spot on the 2014 Warped Tour because OM&M was also on it. Anyway, henry said he didn’t sound familiar to him at all.  The best part was when Rick Astley was playing before they came out and then when it stopped, everyone made various sounds of disappointment. Also, their drummer looks like a young Bieber.    Henry’s review: *shrugs & shakes his head*

A Lot Like Birds is setting up now and I’m fucking swooning. KURT!!!!!! What do all the kids say these days? NOTICE ME!!!

8:57pm: ALLB just wrecked me. I might need to pause the Liveblog event & restart on the way home because it’s only about to get worse. Jonny Craig’s dumb band is up next and I purposely haven’t seen him since May 2014 because he sucks.  So, this is going to be interesting. Henry’s review: *smirks*

11:15pm: I feel like I was just hit by a semi. We just left HOB. It was amazing. DGD is the best. I got to see Kurt on stage with them again! I think I need time to process this. But I will say that I was a complete brat during Slaves’ set and sat on a stool with my back toward them and played on my phone and then talked really loudly to no one in particular about how they’re all douchebags. Henry was like “Is Jonny wearing a skirt? And leggings? And ELF SHOES?!” And I was like that’s what happens when Amanda isn’t around to style him anymore. Luckily, they were having issues and had to cut their set short and I openly rejoiced and then I mightily flipped them off because FUCK YOU, MISOGYNISTIC HERBS. #NotLit

11:35pm: I’d like to add that Henry did fuck all during the whole show, but during DGD, he actually slow-clapped after every song. Amaze. 

11:55 Just devoured a post-show muffin from Sheetz & never did figure out the flavor and then afterward I tried to hand off the muffin’s paper-skirt to Henry but he told me to  “just hold onto it” what a motherfucker. 

12:19am: when asked if he had fun, I initially thought Henry said “yeah” but turns out he said “eh” which is still better than “nah.”

12:59am: pay that toll, muthafucka!  

1:06am: Listening to Balance & Composure and thinking of that fucking hotdog which I have obviously dubbed The Bae. I caught some hate for it on various social media platforms but I won’t back down.  I stand by my decision to order a fake hotdog with bleu cheese coleslaw and Froot Loops. It worked, OK? I can’t wait to have another. In the interim, I’ll probably just start sprinkling Froot Loops on everything else I eat.  

In case anyone cares, Henry’s hotdog had Everything cream cheese, hot sauce, and a fried egg on it. #basic

1:35am: We just hit downtown Pittsburgh so I’m going to take that as my queue to peace out because as soon as I get in the house, this head o’ mine is hitting the nearest pillow. 

  5 Responses to “CLE for DGD: A Noncommital Liveblog Affair”

  1. I know it’s a pic of a toll booth transaction, but that might be my new favorite pic of you!

    Who would defame such an extrodinary hotdog?! Just thinking about bleu cheese coleslaw makes me feel kind of Homer Simpson-y.

    Also, somehow it’s even easier to hate Jonny when imagining him in elf shoes. Jonny is a Donna!

  2. While looking for pics of DGD from HOB in CLE this past Tuesday I happen to see a pic of two people who look familiar. I tap the image and there it is…I was the guy that the Stick Man told to smile, the guy behind the kissing couple and the guy sitting on the other side of the ” mom-broad”. I heard her footsies comment and kept thinking, oh please don’t try to talk with me!
    Laughed at your being old comment, I always feel sooo old at shows. I’m 47 and love the music and don’t care what all those kids at the show may think.
    ALLB, DGD, Circa Survive (saw them three times this year), Brand New…on and on. I love the stuff, always will no matter how old I am. If only I could get my wife to as well I’d not go to concerts alone…oh well.

    Enjoyed reading your post about the concert. Us older folks can still rock!!
    All the best,

    • Matt, this made my day! I remember exactly who you are too, and it’s funny because when I eventually realized that you weren’t there with kids, I thought that was so cool! I don’t get why this is such a young scene. I was at a Chiodos show a few years ago and some kid called me ma’am and thought I worked at the venue :(

      Henry is 50 and he likes some of these bands but mostly just tolerates it for me (I do go to some shows alone to give him a reprieve!). He drags his ass to Warped Tour every year and the miserable faces he makes is almost my favorite part, haha!

      Anyway, glad you found this blog post! We road tripped there from Pittsburgh so I was trying to update throughout the night because DGD is in my Top 5 and I was so excited that I felt sick! Didn’t want to forget a single thing ;)


  3. Your Liveblog posts are my favoritest bestest ever. If we were still on LJ, I would add this to my memories so I could go back and read it again and laugh to the point of tears like I am now, as the NewPenn freight truck is backing down the dock. The driver, Ed, is about to knock and I can’t get a hold of myself.

    ALSO, I would absolutely try that hot dog with the things on it, and I appreciate that you added what was on Henry’s basic dog.

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