Tonight I’m going to take you way back to this one time when Henry and I began dating; he was all excited because he had the day off work and wanted to hang out with me. Actually, I’m going to go ahead and recall the word “dating” from this post because it was basically just like a really long one-night stand in the beginning. He just kept calling!
Just putting this out there: Henry was WAY more into me than I was into him. I mean, I guess I liked that he was buying me Michael Myers figurines but I was still like bro, stop sweating me. Calm down.
Ok so back to Henry having the day off of work. He was looking forward to having me sass him all day, but at the last minute I decided to go to Kennywood with Janna and my pal Brian instead, but I was 22 and did whatever the fuck I wanted with complex and utter disregard for all others. Totally not like 2015 Erin at all.
Henry was basically devastated, universe crumbled, as you can imagine, getting brutally blown off by some super young chick who he actually thought he was going to domesticate (guys, he doesn’t even try anymore). He kept calling me on my Nokia cellphone (again, this was a long time ago) and was all drunk (probably off Michelob #bluecollar) and whiny, which made me so disgusted, so I quit answering. Go to bed, old man! You know? I’m sure I did a ton of eye rolling and emasculated him to pieces with my friends. For sport.
I would never do that now.
So Henry and I are having our typical bedtime convo tonight, which always involves me talking and him falling, when I remembered this incident and said, “Can you imagine if social media was around back then? You’d be constantly refreshing Instagram, Facebook and Twitter to track my every move at Kennywood WITHOUT YOU!” And then I pantomimed him pushing his glasses up and scrolling through his phone with a sad face and wiping away invisible tears, until I was laughing so hard that I had real life salty wets to brush off my face.
I’m sure you can imagine the look on Henry’s face before he rolled over and went back to sleep.