Jan 042016

Taking a break from KpopX and Run For Cover YouTube videos to jot down some thoughts using nothing but a keyboard and my fingertips. Shit is so advanced in 2016.

  • HUGE NEWS: I finally repotted that stupid spider plant that was dumped on me two years ago at work. I still don’t really like it because SUCCULENTS ONLY, but…I’m trying to be nice to it. So I bought it a stupid hanging planter thing at Ikea and then made Henry hang it for me in my “painter’s nook” and I guess it’s OK. Maybe someday it’ll get a name. Like Burden or Waste of Space.
    • But the upside to this is that now I can buy a succulent to put in Spider Plant’s old pot, which was actually a really pretty coffee cup that Gina and Elissa got me a few years ago for my birthday, but then it chipped so I’ve been using it as a pot ever since.
      • Speaking of the pink wall (wait, we weren’t?) I think I have Henry on board to paint the rest of the bedroom a deep hunter green. He doesn’t seem thrilled but when is he ever. It’s going to be dope.

  • My Top 9 Instagram posts, apparently.
  • Check out this great clown book my friends Kevin and Lizzy sent me! The inscription is from 1948! I just love it. I love clown stuff so much!



  • Last summer when I was visiting Octavia, I had coffee at her house and commented on how much I loved her coffee cups and then for Christmas, she sent me one along with one of her succulents! I seriously cried because it meant so much and I miss her.  I asked her to name him and she chose Baron Stash. <3 #insidejokes4l
  • Thinking about making a zine about my department at work. Like old school zine, yo. Glenn’s life is about to get even worse.
    • Yeah, speaking of Glenn, Todd told me last week that before he really knew me, all he knew was that I did all these fucked up things to Glenn and he actually thought I was a bully. He told me this after I giddily told him about how Corey and I constantly try to spread rumors that Janna has a Robitussin problem and he told me that I’m a bully.
      • I think I might be a bully.

  • Chris and Monica brought me back the bottom mask from their honeymoon and he has become fast friends with Clown Mask.
  • So today I arrived at work at 9 and quickly learned that I was supposed to work late shift today because Amber2 asked to switch with me, but I thought she meant next Monday. “Maybe you need to get a planner,” Wendy sneered, to which I snapped, “I PUT IT IN MY PHONE PLANNER, BUT THAT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER WHEN I HAVE THE DATE WRONG, WENDY.” Ugh! So everyone was like, “Hahaha, good job” and it wouldn’t benefit me to turn around and go home, because I took the stupid trolley today so by the time I got home, I would have to turn around and come right back, ugh. Instead, I sat here for a few minutes and annoyed everyone, and then I decided to try my luck out in the wilderness, i.e. snowy downtown. Chooch took my idiot gloves to school with him this morning because he “couldn’t find his” which means this was the first time this winter he needed to wear gloves and couldn’t be bothered to look for them, so I had to borrow Wendy’s gloves when I went outside. She tried to get me to borrow her scarf  too but I stubbornly said I was fine.
    • First, I went to Nicholas Coffee and bought a pound of coffee because what else am I going to do? Then I walked to the Exchange to look for records but they only have ultra deluxe hipster bullshit and like, Led Zeppelin; nothing that I was looking for, needed, or would have gladly bought on a whim. So I was like steaming mad and started to storm out because that’s what I do, and that’s also what I did on Sunday when I was at the Culture Shop and some bitch was visiting her friend who was working there, and she was blocking THE ONE CASE that I wanted to look at. “Why wouldn’t you just ask her to move?” Henry had the nerve to question after I huffed and puffed my way down Carson Street. I shot him A Look and screamed, “BECAUSE I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO! SHE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL AFTER HER FRIEND IS DONE WORKING AND THEN THEY CAN GO AND GET A FUCKING FRAPPUCINO TOGETHER UGH.” Anyway, that’s a thing that happened. But back today: as I was stomping out of the store with a scowl on my face, one of the girls said, “Have a nice day, miss” and the other girl said, “I really love your purse!” So then I calmed down. Being called “miss” was good enough, but the extra compliment about my fabulous taste in accessories really dulled my ire.


  • I stripped Trudy down over the weekend and I have to say, I’m not sad about it. LOOK AT THAT BODY. Henry put the new(-to-us) wig on her and looked so proud about it. I love that he was so annoyed about buying her at Macy’s but now he has totally warmed up to her. She’s an Appledale, Michael. My own Trudy, a goddamned, shit-sucking Appledale. OH YOU WAIT TIL MOM FINDS OUT BUDDY.
    • Sorry. I was having a Lost Boys moment.

  • Here is a photo of a disgusting man who performs snot gymnastics every morning while waiting for the trolley, instead of just blowing his fucking nose, and I’m like “Bro, use a KLEENEX, it probably requires less effort than whatever phlegm lassoing you’re doing right now.” Sometimes, he is also known to burp with wanton abandon. I hate him so much and literally glare at him.
  • I’m eating Müller greek yogurt and I can’t get over how much it tastes like paste, which alarms me because I’ve never eaten paste. And trust me, I would admit it if I did. I’ve admitted to far worse on the Internet!
    • I’m totally gagging on this but still, I keep spooning it in. Mmm, Elmers-y.

  • My Cure tickets and Carly Rae Jepsen tickets came on the same day and I ran around like a child after drinking a whole case of red Squeezits! So many good shows are happening in 2016: Hail the Sun is this month, Never Shout Never is next month, Basement is coming up, Silverstein and EMAROSA in Lancaster…I’m excited to start filling up the 2016 calendar that I snagged thanks to Gayle’s mom donating to charities and getting a shit ton of calendars that no one wants so Gayle brought them all into work. I got an Easter Seals one that features crappy pictures made by children. My other option was Peaceful Solitude, which is chock full of like, pictures of churches and birds. I don’t like children, but I also don’t like churches and birds, so I grabbed the one that had more colors on it that I enjoyed. Which was the kid one. And that concludes this year’s Calendar Klatch. Stop by next year and we’ll talk again.
    • Don’t worry, I’ve repainted my nails since this picture was taken.
      • Except now they need redone again. I’m just not as into my nails anymore, guys!

  • Henry finally scrubbed the tattoo off Chooch’s neck and you would have thought he was being murdered by tickles.
  • Fun fact about me: ever since I was a kid, I heard the Full House theme song as “Whatever happened to addict to be a teen, the milkman, the paperboy, the evening Tv?” I mean, no, it never made sense to me– “addict to be a teen”– but I still sang it because it was either that or “a dick to Billy Tee” and that made even less sense to me…? Anyway, I finally decided to look up the words recently and wow. Just wow. “Predictability.” Who knew!? (Other than everyone.)
  • In case anyone was keeping score, Henry has leveled up to “Bae Lord” and I have leveled down to “Bae.” We were having a hard time keeping track of who was who and finally Henry screamed, “JUST CALL US MOM AND DAD FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!”
    • Maybe I screamed that.
  • Yeah so I hate to be That Guy, but winter, you guys. Man, fuck a winter. And it has literally only just begun.
  • I went back outside when I was on my actual lunch break and not my “fuck, I’m two hours early for work” break and this time I took Wendy’s scarf, too. It was fucking brutal out there, man.
    • Actually, it wasn’t even THAT cold but we were so spoiled with a mild December and there was no gradual descent into winter digits. Just an overnight plunge.


  • Henry does not approve of my mustache.
  • Man, I had a really crappy weekend for no tangible reason other than I allowed a thing to get the best of me and it set the ball in motion to rack up millions of points in the psychopathic pinball game inside my brain. Emotions are the worst. I started approximately 87 fights with Henry on Saturday and Sunday and then tried to kick him out which backfired on me (it always does) and then finally he was like, “Hey, what’s the real issue here?” and then I was like “WAHHHHHHHH!!!!” and cried and he took me to Tillie’s for dinner on Sunday because I said, “I WANT TO GO TO TILLIE’S” so that’s what we did and then I was fine.


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Mmm, bloody.

  • One of my oldest dreams was to start my own record label. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately because I feel like each day spent at a job that has zero to do with music is killing me, but I don’t know where to start. All I know is that I want Chooch to be the face of it because everyone loves Chooch and I have the personality of a frozen corpse.
  • Put all this effort into quietly crawling up the steps on Friday night so that I could burst into Chooch’s room and scare him, but wound up scaring myself because I didn’t consider the effect of screaming while wearing a pig mask. My ears are still ringing. Henry didn’t even bother to ask me if I was OK!?
  • And now I will leave you with a song by Mindsideout. Did you know that the beginning of my relationship with Henry revolved around synthpop? He used to burn me synthpop mix CDs because I was All Synthpop All the Time back then and even considered changing my name to my synthpop super princess alias, Saffron. Anyway, I had a synthpop compilation with this Mindsideout song on it but not even Eide’s, my official Industrial and Synthpop dealer, had the entire Mindsideout record for sale. Henry ended up finding some overpriced import CD somewhere and I just thought he was the greatest guy ever. Well, for about 30 minutes. Come on now.

Going back to my emo hole with my sadboy music and Bledfest dreams. Someone put this blog out of its misery.

  4 Responses to “Goddamned Shit-Sucking Bullets.”

  1. You should ask Chris about the record label thing if he ever leaves the house again.
    He sort of had one going (maybe still does, I don’t know) with his friend Erik called The Atomic Family.

    Trudy really does have a bod. Go Trudy!

  2. I wasn’t paying attention to your nails in your ticket pic because THAT EYESHADOW! What is that sorcery?

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