Apr 152016
 

ALWAYS TIME FOR BULLET POINTS, BUSTER.

  • I mentioned once before half of my brain caved in that Chooch had been invited to participate in this city school chorus collaboration hoedown. He is like, REALLY into it, too, which is awesome but also something that I just understand because I was always so afraid to sing in front of people. (Except for karaoke nights at McCoys—-I owned Old MacDonald’s Farm, you guys.) Henry wanted to just drop Chooch off at his chorus rehearsal last Saturday because he’s a shitty parent who doesn’t care to observe his spawn flourishing in his element. But I said “Nah bitch, we stayin'” and thank god we did because I got to have an intense stare down with Chooch’s current nemesis (some Mean Girl from his school). “I just stared at her so hard,” I proudly bragged to Henry, clasping my hands behind my back. “Wow. You showed her,” Henry mumbled. Sometimes I wonder how words are even able to crawl past his dumb mustache. And then the main chorus instructor guy played them the original recording of We Are the World, which they’ll be singing with the middle school and high school choruses on the big night. Dude was all, “You’ve probably never heard this song before, but I guarantee there are parents and grandparents crying back there right now” and every last ding-dongin’ head turned out and there I was, VULNERABLE AND EXPOSED, with real life tears streaming down my cheeks. I have zero control of my emotions anymore. A WOMAN ON EDGE. I had to stuff my hair into my face because I was embarrassed, OK? Sue me.
    • I haaaaaated music class in middle school. I have PTSD from all the singing of Sound of Silence and From a Distance, and then it reminds me of Desert Storm and those were just weird times and I hated sixth grade so bad. I had a perm, braces, and I WAS FAT. So you can guess how well I was able to integrate.
      • Speaking of PTSD, I think I might have it once this current sitch I’m embroiled in is over.

  • Halfway through Chooch’s rehearsal, I wanted to walk around and explore the school and Henry was all, “WE CAN’T DO THAT. WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO JUST WALK AROUND!??!” and I was like, “Live a little, pops” but then he wouldn’t follow me so I did most of the exploring on my own and it gave me a huge rush because I love poking around in places where I don’t belong. Whenever I would go on vacation with my grandparents and we’d end up in a hotel with an involved floor plan (you know, more than just a square) I would fucking FREAK OUT and start exploring. This particular school is like that! All sorts of random stairwells and nooks.  100% cooler than Chooch’s school. Henry just stood there with his arms crossed, repeatedly reminding me that I’m “so dumb.”
  • One week until we go on vacation and I could just die of anticipation. I need this vacation more than ever.
  • Finally sold this bad boy and I was really happy about that but then I started crying because I loved it, especially when it fell on peoples’ heads:

  • One day last week, Chooch got in the car and said, “Put on Saosin or, I don’t know, Phil Collins” and my heart nearly burst with joy. Keep having an open mind when it comes to music, boy-eeeeeee.
  • Stanley Cup Playoff time!!! The Pens won their first game against the Rangers, and our kittens got a strong taste of my Stanley Cup Playoff scream. I think it’s safe to say they’re not fans.
  • Postcard game is still strong AF, y’all. Look, I even made it on the Welcome Pittsburgh Instagram, which I had to sign a makeshift consent form and really didn’t want to have my picture taken, but luckily, my Jay Leno chin is in remission or something (lol, j/k: strategically-placed post cards)

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  • Something that usually generates a gasp from people is when I say I don’t like Guns and Roses. When I worked at the meat place, my office mate and I always listened to the classic rock radio station, but any time GnR of AC/DC came on, I’d have to get up and walk out. Maybe I have some repression? But most likely it’s just that the scholars inside my ears disagree that it’s good music.
  • I get to see Octavia in a few weeks and I’m basically doing a pee dance about it!
  • “…and then the weed farm caught on fire,” Chooch finished recapping some cartoon he’s been watching. File under: Things I Didn’t Hear and Eh, He’ll Probably Be OK.
  • Henry was getting BULLIED AT WORK! Hoo boy, you better bet I was rearin’ to go when he told me this. I looked him up on Facebook and found that we have a mutual friend so then I was going to PLANT A CONFRONTATIONAL SEED but Henry was all, “OMG please don’t. Just stay out of it.” I couldn’t stand how guido-ish this guy looked and knew that I could win a fight with him. DON’T FUCK WITH HENRY. Everyone knows that the only people allowed to bully him would be me and Chooch. Fucking duh.

  • Corey and me AF right now ^^^^^^.
  • I had my “wellness” screening today at work. Basically, if you sign up to have your dignity snatched by someone in a lab coat, you get better….insurance? I never read the emails all the way through. This is my fourth time signing up even though I hate the finger-pricking part. Glenn tried to tell me that this year, they changed it and now they take it from your neck, like I’m THAT GULLIBLE. OK Glenn, nice try. At least now I don’t have to have someone go with me. Second year doing it on my own, woo! Anyway, as soon as got to the ROOM, one of the lab people called me over and grabbed my hand. “Wow, your hand is COLD,” she exclaimed, and I gulped. “Are we doing the finger part first?” I asked, as she fucking wound up and swung that damn thing right into the tip of my finger and I gave out a strangulated yelp. “Yep,” she laughed, already  molesting my finger for blood drops. SO FUCKING FUNNY. And then my favorite part happened, which is when she cried, “Really? You’re afraid of THAT LITTLE PRICK when you have TATTOOS ON YOUR FINGERS?! Oh honestly, Erin.” I came back down to my desk afterward and excitedly relayed this encounter with Glenn, who said, “You know she probably doesn’t read your blog, right?” Killjoy.
    • I showed Henry my bandaid (which I swapped out with one of the cute Ikea ones that Gayle gave me last month for my unbirthday gift) after work and he asked, “What did you do?” WHAT DID I DO!? I HAD MY FUCKING FINGER PRICKED TODAY. Try to keep up with my life, asshole.
  • We had lunch at the Modern Café on t he Northside last Saturday and Chooch was like floored that not only did the jukebox have The Summer Set, but it also had EMAROSA. He didn’t know that until after he spent a whole whopping $1 to request “Chelsea,” which we could barely hear once it started playing. Chooch was pissed because all of the other songs came on at normal volume. About 10 minutes later, the waitress (who was completely fooled by his faux-charm, btw) came back to give us refills and Chooch brashly blurted, “How come when I played a song on the jukebox, I could barely hear it?” And she was all, “Oh no, that sucks. Let’s go check it out” so he took her over and showed her which song it was and she went to the cash register to get another dollar for him. And then right as the song started playing, she went behind the bar, grabbed a remote and cranked that shit. She gave him a thumbs up from across the room and he was like FUCK YES I’VE GOT IT MADE BITCHES. He honestly makes me sick sometimes. He’s like a little fucking Charles Manson!!
 
  • Got some new succulent boos last Sunday as a desperate attempt to try and reintroduce some normalcy into my disoriented, slightly deranged life. Thinking about naming this babe Stonick. NOW STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM, CATS. UGH.
  • I’ve been having a field day going through all the photos I’ve been finding at my Pappap’s house. That was really one of the only things I was insistent on wanting to have, because I’m a phreak for phamily photos. This one made me laugh so hard, because someone was clearly super stoked to beat video game Uninvited.
    • There were actually several more that I found after I took this picture. Like, nearly an entire roll wasted on this:


  • PAGING MR. HERMAN.
  • Chooch and I were fighting and Henry had to go and butt in as usual. Chooch cried, “So what, are you on HER side?” and Henry was all, “No, I’m on MY side.” Whatever Henry. Must be lonely over there on that side.
  • So…the terrible trolley change happened.  Construction started the day after Easter, so I took that day off a few weeks in advance, so that I could do a Trial Run. People made fun of me, but look: I needed to know what I was in for without the added stress of “WILL I MAKE IT TO WORK ON TIME.” And wouldn’t you know, I woke up that morning sick as fuck. OK, not that sick. But it was definitely the courting stages of a cold. My throat hurt and I just felt exhausted and shitty. Also, IT WAS RAINING AND ABOUT 40 DEGREES. However, I knew that if I didn’t get up and follow-through with this trial run, I would never hear the end of it. So I got up, waited for Chooch to go to school, and then I dealt with that shit.

The shuttle part was a breeze! I had plans to meet Kara once I got downtown, so I was sending back-patting text messages about how brave I was being.

And it was kind of fun being on the shuttle! It’s not a very long ride, just long enough to bypass all of the trolley track construction and deposit us at the next working platform in Beechview. The trolley came and it was kind of a dream because it was EMPTY so I didn’t have that heart-clutching fear of NOT GETTING A SEAT (honestly this has only happened to me three times, ever and once was because it was OPENING DAY for the Pirates so I was smashed up against Yinzer baseball fans and it was just no good).

Anyway, the trolley driver had to switch ends, since now the trolley would be going back into town, and I was like, “Why does he keep slamming things? Oh, because the trolley isn’t starting.” So then we just sat there for around 30 minutes without him having the consideration to give us a single update, and while everyone was tugging at their collars and calling into work to advise of their impending tardiness (lol, tardiness),  I smugly thought to myself, “THIS IS WHY I TOOK THE DAY OFF FOR THIS SHIT.”

Got into town and expertly crossed over the bridge to the Northside where Kara and Theo met me (after we missed each other twice because nothing can ever go smoothly!) and we walked to some tea place that I can’t remember the name of now and I had a PB&J for breakfast and a chai latte because that’s how I do.

Meanwhile, Henry was like, “I can’t believe you’re dragging Kara down into this with you.” KARA DIDN’T CARE, HENRY. Because she is a GOOD FRIEND. God.

Then Kara and Theo walked me down to another trolley station that I’ve never used before and Kara was all, “OK, here it is, good luck!” and I pretended to be OK but as soon as she left, I was like, “WHERE AM IIIIIIIIIII!?!?!!?!” Don’t worry. I made it home. I actually walked home from the Beechview trolley station instead of fucking with the shuttle again though.

All that walking did wonders for my cold-ravaged body. I got home sometime after noon, slipped off my TOMS and crawled back into bed, thinking I would try to do what normal adults do when they’re coming down with a cold, and like, rest or whatever. Honest to god, I wasn’t laying there for more than 3 minutes before my phone rang and it was the MOTHERFUCKING SCHOOL NURSE so then I had to slip back into my TOMS and walk to Chooch’s fucking school to retrieve him because HOW CONVENIENT.

Fucking trolley construction :(

I’ve had to deal with the shuttle situation several more times since then and honestly, I’ve learned that it’s so much easier to put up with when you’re dead inside.

  • Oh hello again, bullet points. Sorry, I got lost somewhere up there.
  • Last week, not one, not two, BUT THREE of Chooch’s teachers called Henry because of his “behavior” but don’t you worry because by the end of the day, a fourth teacher called too. (The GYM TEACHER. But not the hot one.) This has been a really great year. Fourth grade rules. I’m not losing any sleep (or hair) over life right now AT ALL.
    • Surprisingly, when I had my blood pressure checked at my wellness thing this morning, it was “perfectly normal.” I just laughed and said “No really” and my finger pricker was all, “No I’m serious. Your blood pressure and all your other numbers are great.” So now I’m like DID I SNATCH SOMEBODY’S BODY IN THE NIGHT because I feel like I’m on the precipice of a heart attack every day and can’t believe that all of my readings were “great.” BUT HEY, I’LL TAKE IT. My body apparently is like “IDGAF about this stress.”

  • I haven’t been painting, indefinite hiatus. But here is the last custom I made for my friend Mallory. It’s some dude from Firefly.
    • The TV show, not the band.
      • THAT MADE ME LOOK REALLY OLD.
        • YOU ARE THE WOMAN THAT I’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF, I KNEW IT FROM THE START. *FLUTE NOISE*

  • Um, here’s a picture of me in case you forgot what my turtle face looked like. This might have been back when I wasn’t ugly crying every day though. Last Friday my boss said to me, “Honey, I don’t know how to say this, but you look very tired” and then said something about me wearing my heart on my sleeve and I was like THAT’S BECAUSE I’M AN ORIGINAL EMO, SUE.

  2 Responses to “A Bullet(s) for My Thought(s).”

  1. “because I love poking around in places where I don’t belong.”

    THIS is why we get along.

    The Pittsburgh Instagram! YOU ARE FAMOUS.

    “and I pretended to be OK but as soon as she left, I was like, “WHERE AM IIIIIIIIIII!?!?!!?!”

    I have no idea why, but this part in particular cracked me up. Now I see why you write tomes to Henry about all the perils in your life. The trolley construction is a peril. So is possibly not getting a seat, blood pricks that Henry doesn’t believe you get, and unforeseen illness.

    Too much stress on you. :(

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