You guys. I found out recently that Henry has never been to Disney World. Apparently he was supposed to go when he was Chooch’s age. He went to Florida for two weeks to visit family and they were going to go to Disney on week two but Henry ended up getting SWIMMERS EAR or something — I don’t always pay attention when he spins his yarns–and so this was his first visit. It took him FIFTY YEARS to get there. The moral is never give up! And also, visit Disney before swimming with your family.
I don’t know why I thought Henry was going to be stoked for this experience, like it was some late-bloomer, coming-of-age feel-good tale. Because of course he wasn’t stoked and it was none of those things. From the tram to the ferry to the park entrance, he was very “MEH” as you can see in that first photo up there, and there was no twist ending, trust me.
Here is a collection of photos from Henry on Day One and Day Two because why not.
DAY ONE: MAGIC KINGDOM
We made Henry wait some absurd amount of time (90 minutes maybe) to ride the Seven Dwarves Mine Ride thing and he got paired up with some other dad who immediately started yukking it up with him and Chooch and I heard Henry LAUGH before the ride even started! When I asked Henry afterward what the man said to make him laugh, he conveniently “couldn’t remember.” Probably some SERVICE joke.
Henry rides alone on Big Thunder Mountain. HOLD ON, HANK! (That should be the name of Henry’s emo band.)
Unimpressed with the line for the Jungle Ride….
…but slightly amused about taking a boat ride full of mechanical animals and bad puns.
Confused by all of the magic and happiness.
Sleeping on the Little Mermaid ride.
Ambivalent to ride through Winnie the Pooh’s story and also not cool enough to have ears.
Henry said he wished they had a “First & Last Time” pin. Dang Henry. Maybe if they had more places to nap?
DAY TWO: HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS
This park had less lines to stand in and about 90% less strollers to dodge, and In turn, Henry seemed a little less hemorrhoid-flared.
Here we find Henry angry because when he buys pretzels for himself, we always eat most of it, but when he buys one for us, we never offer him any. I mean, you have legs Henry. Walk up and get your own pretzel ok thx.
When Chooch and I changed directions without alerting the warden.
At the SciFi Dine-In, Henry wouldn’t let us get one of the good tables inside the old cars because then one of us would have to dine alone (lol it would have been him) so we had to sit at some dumb table which wasn’t as cool BUT WHATEVER HENRY WANTS, AMIRITE. Here he is considering getting the Ariel punch in the souvenir cup but remembering he doesn’t have enough security in his manhood to get away with it. You know, like Chooch.
Running tally of all the attractions Henry has fallen asleep on so far:
- Carousel of Progress
- Little Mermaid ride thing at Disney
- Little Mermaid show at Hollywood Studios (a splash of water woke him up lol)
- Walt Disney Productions film
- Muppets 3D