Jun 222016


Pittsburgh threw a huge victory parade for the Penguins last Wednesday and it was estimated that over 400,000 people were in attendance! I was one of those people because I have the convenience of working downtown so me, Amber2, and Mitch took an early lunch and walked on up to the parade route where we were fortunate to get a really decent spot only three heads back! (This was after Glenn reminded me to pee before we left so that I wouldn’t go in my pants.  #workdad.)

All the pacing and panicking I had done that morning was in vain, because it ended up being totally chill and one of the very few times I can recall ever feeling like I belonged somewhere in Pittsburgh, and that the idea of bumping elbows with hordes of Yinzers didn’t repulse me. Everyone standing around us was so wonderful!



….except for this creepy Steve from Blue’s Clues douchebag who came bursting through the crowd out of nowhere as soon as the parade started and wedged himself between Amber and me. I was like, “THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, DICKSTICK?!” I eventually slipped around him and forced him to move over so I could have my old spot back, but this put him in the crosshairs of some VERY ANGRY YINZER MOMS who started screaming things like, “WE BEEN STANDING HERE FOR 4 HOURS AND NOW WE CAN’T SEE, YA JAGOFF!” and he would just turn and look at them with this infuriating pudding face and then resume taking photos with his dinky point-and-shoot.

I told Amber that he was actually kind of scaring me and she offered to switch places but I decided that I needed to be BRAVE and take a stand. Also, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to see if we switched.

I kept watching his hands because I was so afraid he had a grenade in his pocket.

But then all I could focus on was all the glorious PENGUINS driving past us so he could have been holding a butterfly knife to my throat and I may not have noticed because of all the hearts in my eyes. It sucked not having there Henry there but he couldn’t leave work and I’m a bigger fan than he is anyway, so oh well. Suck it, Henry.

The Bonino Bonino Bonino guy was there!!!!

My friend Kaitlin’s husband, Danny! I always get so excited when I see him in the background of the games on TV. It’s like kind of knowing a celebrity!

Kris Letang!



I think Fleury was sitting across from him too, ugh.

Henry and I were talking about Fleury earlier today and I started crying. :(


2/3 of the HBK line!

Sheary, Kuhnhackle and Lovejoy.


You guys. Mario Lemieux. Heavy breathing.

Bonino and Kunitz!


The Malkin Mobile!

The greatest. 🐧🏆🏒

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Oh you guys, it was just too much for me. I cried some legit tears. This team just means so much to me! What a great day!


The other day, I noticed that Amber has her Thank You, Pens! sign hanging up on her desk and it’s in near-immaculate condition. I have no idea how she was able to preserve it. It was so hot that day that as I was holding the sign between my arm and side, it adhered to my sweaty, moist skin and part of the Pens logo transferred to my arm so it looked like I had a huge bruise for the rest of the day.

No one asked about it, but I was prepared to blame it on when I tackled Blue’s Clues right before he was able to launch his grenade.

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