Aug 082016
 
  • “WHOOOOOAAAA. That’s totally amazing.” Re: men’s diving. 
  • “THEIR BICEPS ARE LIKE…WOW” – talking about watching swimming last night. 
  • “Is this new? This men’s diving thing? I don’t remember it from last year.”
  • [just spent 10 minutes away from the Olympics trying to remember the muscle cream that I used to use when I played tennis. Then I remembered that Joe Namath was in the commercial which led me to the answer: FLEX ALL 454, bam bitches.]
  • Judy is currently more concerned about Henry’s back hurting than men’s synchronized diving. She wants to know if he wears one of them belts. No, he does not. 
  • There was just a mention of the Olympics first transgender athlete but Judy didn’t hear.
  • HENRY JUST SAID ONE OF THE AMERICAN DIVERS LOOKS LIKE ANTHONY GREEN. Henry is such a scene kid. 
  • China is good”–judy’s succinct review of men’s synchronized diving. WELL I THINK THEY CHEAT, BUT WHATEV.
  • Judy just disgustedly said, “I have no idea where ANYTHING is” like she is extremely disappointed in herself. And this isn’t about a country in the Olympics, but a restaurant nearby in Millvale. 
  • We’ve switched from diving to swimming and they’re showing Missy Franklin in her warmup gear.  “I want one of them jackets, they’re nice. That freestyle, that’s just regular swimming right?”
  • Judy’s girl Katie Ledecky is coming up. “That’s the one to watch, that Ledecky. She’s next I think.”
  • She just lovingly cooed “there she is. GOD LOOK AT THOSE SHOULDERS. OMG THATS ALL MUSCLE. that spandex, that’s gotta bother them, goddamn.”
  • “those glasses are so ugly. I guess it protects their eyes though.”
  • “China. Oh shut up.”
  • She just said something that sounded like “take him in the locker room and stab him” – this night has taken a dark turn. 
  • “I wonder how much those cost. She’s got a white one.” We’re back on the warmup jacket kick now. 
  • Man buns are getting so much Olympic love. Judy wouldn’t care if Henry started wearing his hair in a man bun. Now she’s reminiscing about Henry’s hair and how long and beautiful it was UNTIL HE WENT INTO THE SERVICE. 
  • Oh god please someone get Judy a damn Olympic windbreaker. 
  • “You watch [the Olympics] and you forget about everything going on in the world” – Real Talk with Judy. 
  • “I don’t like fencing,” said like there was a bad taste in her mouth. 
  • Judy is relishing this King/Russian doper rivalry. “GET HER BABY GET HER COME ON COME ON YES!”
  • Re: commercial for Geneva College: “this is a really stupid commercial.” After it was over, I agreed. “Isn’t it dumb?! What terrible actors.” I think it’s safe to say Judy won’t be attending Geneva. 
  • “Ew, I hate Raisin Bran. Ick. God,” like she has spiders crawling on her. She recently learned to like raisins however, but she doesn’t like them, you know, soaked in brandy or anything. #OlympicCommercials
  • The whole phelps/Le clos thing is playing out now, with Phelps looking all serious in his warm-up gear and Le Clos sticking out how tongue and shadow boxing in front of him, and Judy goes, “Wow, he’s what you call a DICK HEAD.”
  • (honestly though this is intense AF)
  • OK I’ve hit my Olympic limit. I’m sure Judy has much to say about beach volleyball but we’ll never know. 
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  3 Responses to “Watching the Olympics with Judy ”

  1. judy knows what’s up: “You watch [the Olympics] and you forget about everything going on in the world” – Real Talk with Judy.

  2. Ah Jude….I just love her observations! I could listen to her for days.

  3. “Now she’s reminiscing about Henry’s hair and how long and beautiful it was UNTIL HE WENT INTO THE SERVICE.”

    Wow, really? Was it seriously long and beautiful like Ted Nugget’s? The SERVICE ruined that though, apparently. BOO.

    These portraits of people are hysterical because they are true.

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