Oh boy, another day at Riot Fest, another thoroughly interesting and verbose review from Henry. Better get that dictionary handy in case he uses a BIG WORD that you don’t understand probably because it’s some made-up word that Auto Correct chose because I’m typing this on my phone at 11:40pm in our disgusting “hotel.”
- Brick + Mortar: I liked them.
- Plague Vendor: Mmm, for some reason I did like them. (This was like a huge shock to me. I thought he would hate them. But when they told everyone to get down on the ground, he actually did it and he doesn’t even CLAP when a band tells him to, so….chew on that one.)
- Microwave, acoustic: Ehhhh, I don’t know. Can’t say much. (OK except that this is America and he can actually say whatever he wants, but whatever…)
- Jessica Hernandez: I didn’t think anything of her.
- Hippo Campus: Hippo Campus….um, nothing special. Did we stay the whole time? No? They were very….(I can’t tell if he just quit talking or if he’s getting all Heathers on us. “They were very.”)
- High Waisted: They were very entertaining. Look I said they were very entertaining. When do you ever get anything more than that from me, really? (He said that after I got mad at how stupidly succinct he is.) I saw her boob with a star on it.
- Motion City Soundtrack: Nope. Nothing to say. (He really hates them and I don’t get it.)
- Bob Mould: I don’t know his music that well, so…
- Balance & Composure: Um, I liked them. (he said this in a very upbeat manner and I’m nervous now.)
- Brand New: Mmm, I only knew a couple of their songs, so…(Also, he read a tweet out loud that said Jesse Lacey should come out and sing Morrissey’s set since he was making everyone wait and Henry goes “Isnt the girl from High Waisted?” And I was like “Well no because she’s a girl and Jesse Lacey is the singer for Brand New.” Idiot.)
- Death Cab For Cutie: Eh. (Look, Henry is clearly hard to impress. The music world isn’t full of Ted Nugents.)
- Morrissey: what I saw wasn’t too bad I guess. I don’t know his music too much to begin with so what would I have to compare it to. (WOW.)
In summary: “It was good up until the end*, I guess. I ate a cheeseburger there today. Nothing special.”
*(He probably means because we had a fight in the parking lot when I said I wanted ice cream HAHAHAHAHA.)
Let’s end with a picture of Henry emerging from his office. I can’t stop laughing at how weird he looks!
(When your significant other goes into a portajohn first to clean the seat for you, that is YOUR PERSON*, don’t ever let ’em go!
*See also: bitch.)