Aug 282009
 

Henry appreciation post! (Sort of!)

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Look at those nimble fingers. I wonder if his mommy knows she birthed one crafty motherfucker. And I mean crafty less in the “slipping rufies” sense, and more so in the “dude can go to town with some rubber cement and a sewing kit” sense. He’d fit right in at a stich n’ bitch party. He’d probably even bring the best baked goods.  He also can do some car stuff, electrical work, and once he made us a screen for the door and I was like, “How did you do that?” and he was all, “I have screencutting tools,” like I’m some ignorant bitch for not asking him if he could make a screen before having sex with him for the first time.

Yes, he can do lots of things, but the challenge is GETTING HIM TO ACTUALLY DO IT.

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I”m pretty sure he imagines my face when he gets all agile with his Exacto.

Now that I can’t justify going to a pretty salon and having sweet-smelling hair products massaged into my scalp, Henry has become my hair stylist and he actually does a pretty efficient job, considering my hair is two colors and he has to work with a comb puckered between his lips. (And the gloves that come with the box of dye, which are so clearly made for women.)

He doesn’t do all the work on my pendants though! Here is what I do:

  1. Pick out the prints that I want him to use.
  2. Order the pendants
  3. Whine every day the pendants don’t arrive
  4. Once they come in, etermine which ones go in which frames (we have gold, silver, and copper and not every print looks right)
  5. Hound him every fifteen minutes when he comes home to fucking start making them already
  6. Sometimes I cut the prints out for him
  7. Hover
  8. Yell at him when 1 out of a batch of 10 doesn’t come out to my standards

But I’ve been making new pendants on my own now! They’re a much bigger size than the framed ones, so I’m able to use a lot of the prints that I couldn’t originally. I can do everything myself with these ones! Well, except for the part where I need a responsible adult to bake them in an oven.

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“The Goldbricker.”

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I can’t remember the last time my dining room table was a dining room table. Between functioning as a serial killer card sweatshop, a dumping ground for paintings because there is little vacancy left on my walls, and now a jewelry factory, we never eat at the table. When (if) we ever leave this shit hole, I’m not signing for anything that doesn’t have an extra room we can designate as Crafter’s Hell, because I know for certain that I’m tired of painting at the kitchen sink. And that way, maybe if things get too crazy, I can shut the door real tight and go on an acrylic coating huffing spree. (I actually just sprayed some of that shit and am feeling pretty green in the face right now. And it sounds like sheet metal is shuttering next to my ears.)

  7 Responses to “Now if I can just get him to build us a house”

  1. Oh, Henry..my husband is one of those bastards that everything he touches turns to gold..seriously,
    the man can do anything! So annoying, but helpful.

    We have a spare room, but still migrate to the kitchen table, there is seriously something wrong with us.

    Love the new pendants!!

    Think you could teach me how to get those images
    so small? I can’t figure it out to save my life.

    • What the hell is WITH those kinds of people? The only thing I can figure is that it has something to do with the fact that Henry has boatfuls of patience, as opposed to my pea-sized satchel.

      I feel like even if we had a spare room, I’d still be pasting shit to my dining room table! When I first moved in here, I had a spare room with nothing in it but a chair and extra clothes. I had all these grand visions of turning that room into a walk-in closet or something, but never did a thing to it. Now it’s Chooch’s room, so I lose.

      We just use Photoshop to scale everything down. Henry measured the isides of the pendants and that’s what he set the size to in Photoshop. You just have to be careful when going so small, because not everything works well. There’s a lot of prints that I had to leave behind because all the detail got lost and it ended up looking like a colorful smudge!

  2. Henry totally rules. And so do your new pendants. And so do you. Maybe you could get one of those easy bake ovens to make the shrinky dinks in and avoid the whole adult supervision thing. MMMMM…cooking with lightbulbs…delightful!!!

  3. I’m glad that you stuck with the ideas of the pendants, both for the copper/silver/gold ones and the shrinky dinks…i think they’re really awesome. :)

  4. I honestly can’t explain how unique and awesome these are! I love them and will be purchasing some- FOR SURE.

    Henry should be the only one in that house allowed to touch an exacto knife anyway.

  5. Those are amazing. And it is pay day… I’m on that shit :)

  6. I bet he actually really enjoys it, even if it is only secretly. My husband once cross-stitched a gift for his mom, I walked him through it. Then he made one for me, other than that he is not crafty. These pendants were a really good idea. Good job.

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