tweets taste like baby wipes

tweets

Aug 292009

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

14:30 Prank calls never get old. Especially when there’s an unsuspecting party conducting it for me. #
18:24 It only took half a listen of his solo album to convince me that @jonnycraig4l is a musical genius. Not that I had any doubt. #
19:28 Upon telling Henry that I’m very hated in Ohio, he responded with, “In Pennsylvania, too.” Touche, my faithful steed. #
20:36 Hello, Things. You feel right again! #
22:06 Preordered the @craigeryowens solo album & actually giggled after. Now I’m gonna shine my Mary Janes & go down to the soda shop for a malt. #
22:58 No Henry, it’s cool. I live for taking out the garbage with a broken toe. #
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11:38 My drawing skillz0rz are rustier than the crucifix in my basement & I get nervous when asked to use them. #
15:59 Oh, I am NOT wearing this gimpy cast thing to the fair. I’d rather grimace thru it. #
16:02 NO YOU CANT MAKE ME WEAR IT. #
17:24 Making truckers blow their horns never gets old. (And this time I’m really not referencing a sex act, I promise.) #
18:40 At the fair, limping amid a fleet of elderly. Still can barely keep pace. #brokentoepalooza #
19:37 http://twitpic.com/fdx6v – Henry: “Look those ones laid eggs.” Me: “Aw! Oh.” #
19:47 http://twitpic.com/fdyq2 – Henry: “Look those ones laid eggs.” Me: “Aw! Oh.” #
21:07 I feel like we spend 75% of the time standing around, judging people. #
21:37 twitpic.com/feeku – The fucking fair. #
21:55 Was just invited to come see Janna’s toaster oven. #
22:24 Hay look @ the dumb! someone has skinny jeans in his future: Â Henry had Chooch listening to .. bit.ly/vVT76 #
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09:32 REALLY wish my son would cease sharing certain thoughts. For example: I can’t wear my underroos; my weener’s too big. #
11:23 The Fresh Beat Band just “hiphopped and popped.” KILL ME. I can’t wait to send the ginger member hate mail. ON MY WORST STATIONARY. #
12:10 @saucalisha. I dunno. Maybe for the same reason we don’t call pierogies “potato-stuffed ravioli things”? #
12:37 Chooch told me he watched me kill zombies by stabbing their eyes into their brains. Here I thought I outgrew sleepwalking in cemeteries. #
13:03 Was asked “why do me & Blake have different moms?” Tried to explain via diagram, & he’s distracted by the imperfections in facial features. #
19:37 Henry won’t park in a handicapped spot just because I have a “limp.” It’s a SERIOUS INJURY. #
20:18 Told Henry to fuck off; he heard “far out.” I’ll induct that into my glossary as soon as I go sneaker shopping w/ Kristy McNichol. #
21:19 Giraffe did something stupid back in ’87. bit.ly/1fjfui #
23:08 Me: “Chooch is going thru the ‘taking care of mommy’ phase.” Henry: “That’ll end once he finds out who u really are.” Another 1 for the log. #
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14:25 Just cut my thumb on an Exacto knife, which I suppose is why Henry made up that “No knives for Erin” rule to begin with. #
21:16 The name of Chooch’s band is Popcorn! In There. I predict Kill Rockstars will sign them and they’ll open for Xiu Xiu. #

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