Jan 042017
 

Some things, in a list.

  • You could turn pictures of my house into a goddamn I Spy book. Some days I think that’s awesome, but then other days I want to get industrial-sized garbage bags and go on a decluttering spree. (Don’t worry, it would only be Henry and Chooch’s shit though.)
  • I had to type out”Connecticut” at work today and I just stared at it like HOW CAN THAT BE RIGHT. 
  • Henry said he had a dream the other night that we got married. Notice he said DREAM and not NIGHTMARE. Making progress! We might actually be wed before Chooch!

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  • This was my favorite painting in my grandma’s clown room. My mom brought it over for me last week. Bitter-fucking-sweet. It’s still my dream to have my own clown room one day in honor of my grandparents. I have a ton in my collection already but I need an entire room for it and this house doesn’t have it.
  • Too bad I ran out of people to send Greetings From Erin’s Lunch Break postcards to, because last week’s would have been a great one. I was walking back to work while on my lunch break when some young guy walked past me and, in a very concerned voice, called out, “You dropped your turtles!” I spun around and cried, “What OMG no—-wait….” and then he pointed at me said, “Gotchu!” and I responded with a “ha, you got me!” face and it was a total Mentos moment. This was a few minutes after I got busted at the Point talking to my shoe.
    • What? It had come untied for the fourth time on my walk (Henry thinks this is because I “tie them wrong” but he can go fuck himself, really) and, while I was crouched down retying it, I cried, “Untied again? Man, fuck you, shoe” just as some man walked by and chuckled. Oh, like he doesn’t talk to his shoes too.

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  • I decided that my life is sorely missing the days of exotic fruit salads, so I made Henry go to the Asian market with me on our day off on Monday. (“Just how I wanted to spend my day off” he mumbled, and I was like, “OH THEN LET’S STAY HOME AND YOU CAN START CLEANING YOUR SHIT OUT OF THE ATTIC, ASSHOLE” — suddenly, he had the car keys in his hand and was ushering us out of the house.) We went to Lotus instead of Oriental Market which is where we typically go but I couldn’t bear the thought of McKnight Rd (it just makes me angry) and the selection was semi-OK. I got various Asian pears and dragonfruit, but the vegetables was where it was at, you guys. We got purple and regular yams, pumpkin, some squash thing, and TARO – I fucking love taro. There used to be a froyo place nearby that we went to a lot and sometimes they would have TARO froyo, and fresh JACKFRUIT AND LONGAN toppings. Yeah boi. Anyway, right after this, I decided that I should just adopt a full Korean diet to go along with my kpop workouts so now I’ve been sending Henry all kinds of vegetarian Korean recipes, none of which he’s made me yet. Instead, he just made various vegetables (like woodear mushrooms, which taste much better when they’re not a dessert!), udon, and tofu and was like, “I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS KOREAN, BUT YOU’RE GOING TO EAT IT” and he’s right — I ate it. And it was wonderous. I love my new lifestyle!

  • After watching the 18th video of American girls reacting to Kpop music videos, Henry mumbled that he hates when I get obsessed with things and I’m like dude, that’s my personality. When he first met me, I had literally just come back from seeing The Cure in Australia because OBSESSED. That should have been his signal to opt out!
    • Anyway, this isn’t an obsession. This is my new lifestyle. I decided that since the kpop obsession came back to me after I let it free, then it is TRULY MEANT TO BE. (I went through a heavy k-obsession in my early 20s until Comcast decided that the international channels were too premium to be loafing in the basic tier.)
      • Also, they play Carly Rae Jepsen in the background of a lot of the Korean videos I watch on YouTube. <3

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  • I woke henry up to ask him what he’s making me to take to work for dinner since I’m late shift and he said, “There are frozen meals in the freezer.” Um, they’re not K-frozen meals? “Not everything is going to be Korean!” he yelled, to which I replied, “Well yeah actually it is because this is my life now.” And that dickhead had the audacity to tell me I better learn how to cook then. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A THREAT. 

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  • Can someone please teach my kid how to eat? I deemed 2017 the year of expanding Chooch’s dietary horizons. He is so fucking picky and it makes it even harder now that he is a vegetarian. I mean, we can only feed him so many faux-chicken nuggets. (Lol @ “we.”) He’ll eat tofu, but he is so stubborn with everything else. We took him to Salem’s Market after the Asian market and tried to get him to eat falafel and he said he liked it but basically didn’t want to taste it again. And also, he hated the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and “weird sauce.” So then he was like, “Maybe I would like it better if it wasn’t wrapped up” and so he dumped it all out and then proceeded to just eat the rest of his French fries and I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN HIM. He’s supposed to be my partner in vegetarian…crime? If Henry will ever get off his ass and make me some bibambap, maybe he’ll like that.
    • LOL, yeah right.
  • Chooch was watching videos on the TV in his room the other night and couldn’t hear screaming for him to turn it down, so Henry was all, “I’ll take care of this” and opened the Roku app on his phone and hit “listen privately” which basically muted it I guess, so we heard a brief window of silence, and then Chooch mutter, “…the fuck.” Then he figured out how to turn the volume back on, so Henry did it again. Now Chooch was getting agitated. (He goes from 0 to 100 in a second, just like his beautiful, amazing mommy.) He started swearing and then the “DADDY!!!! COME HERE!!!!” started. Henry was like, “Nope.” So Chooch turned the volume back on and then Henry turned the entire TV off from his phone and now Chooch was ENRAGED and screaming for Henry to come and help him. So he got it turned back on and Henry went up to act concerned, while I started playing videos of this American girl teaching kpop choreography, which Chooch HATES. So then he started to CRY because he was so freaked out and I swear to god we did this to him before, did he forget?! So I just kept turning the kpop girl video back on, over and over, until Henry called downstairs for me to stop because Chooch was actually THAT UPSET. Apparently, he thought his TV broke or something — YEAH RIGHT, HE THOUGHT THE MAN IN THE ATTIC STRUCK AGAIN. I went upstairs about an hour later, and as I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, Chooch started yelling at me from his room about how blah blah blah, he wasn’t scared, just pissed, etc etc, so I swapped out whatever dumb YouTube video he was watching for a scene from The Exorcist. SWEET DREAMS, BOO THANG.

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  • Speaking of Chooch and his dumb YouTube videos, I bought him some YouTuber’s “memoirs” for Xmas, against Henry’s better judgment, and that son of bitch wolfed down those words with his eyeballs in two days. I had the vague sense that this book was inappropriate, and Chooch started telling me parts of it, and I was like OK STOP LALALALA.
    • He was cracking up pretty hard while reading it so I said, “So, it’s kind of like reading my blog, right?” and he said, “Uh….well….it’s just that….his life is actually interesting.” WOW.
      • JUST WOW. TT
  • I went for a walk around Brookline the other day and was shocked to see that a bar spelled “potato” correctly on their sidewalk menu. Proud of them!
  • I figured something out over the weekend: Chooch’s wardrobe doesn’t have enough sequins. I’m doing a shitty job as his stylist. :/
  • OK confession: for the entire month of December, I had on the radio station that plays all Xmas music, all the time, because I was trying to torture Boots and Phyllis since my bedroom radio is right up against our shared wall. Not sure if it worked, but it definitely tortured ME in the process. I’m so thankful it’s over, because if I had to hear Taylor Swift’s version of Santa Baby one more time…it is so fucking sterile and asexual! She should’ve changed the lyrics to be about an actual baby.

OK,  I’m out. I have to go find a YouTube tutorial on how to tell my kid to take a fucking shower in Korean. Annyeoung!

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