Jul 142017

This was Chooch’s first Warped Tour in 2013. Today will be his 5th Warped Tour and my 12th! I’m so excited!

I decided to live blog it because it’s the best day of the year (except not this year because G DRAGON will take that prize) and I like to remember every single detail!! (I tried this last year and it was ruined because of dumb life drama that interfered with my Best Day Ever, so let’s give it another shot, woo.)

  • 9:59am: We just stopped home after eating breakfast at Pamela’s because Warped Tour starts an hour and a half later this year so we had time for real breakfast! Now we’re watching a Boz Scaggs video (Look What You’ve Done To Me) lol and then we’re heading out! 

  • 10:46am: Almost to whatever they’re calling the amphitheater these days and the sun is out! It was raining all morning and looking pretty grim. I still brought my rain poncho just in case, which I bought when I was originally going to the Penguins victory parade and it was supposed to rain but then I didn’t go and it didn’t rain anyway, and then I brought it to KCON but it only rained for 5 minutes and not very hard so I didn’t open it, and then the furry parade too but I didn’t need it there either. So it’s still in the package. WILL I NEED IT TODAY OR NO?!
  • 11:08am WE’RE HERE! No one knows about our preferred line this year so it’s just and three Motionless in White fans. Chooch is getting lotioned-up and it’s hilarious to watch. 

  • 11:32am: CRISIS! Chooch got sunblock in his eyes and now everyone in line has to suffer with him. It’s glorious drama. 

  • 12:40pm: We’ve been inside for about 30 minutes and everything is wonderful! Chooch’s eye doesn’t hurt anymore because he saw Ainsley from Jule Vera and “kind of” talked to her sort of but mostly it was me talking to one of the guys because I’m Chooch’s handler. And then some guy knocked Henry’s hat off accidentally and said “sorry sir” lol it’s funny because Henry is old. We also saw some guy who swabbed us to become bone marrow donors at Riot Fest so we talked to him for a bit because Warped Tour turns henry and me into functioning adults with a good grasp on small talk and social cues. 

  • 1:11pm: Moderately interested in American Authors on one of the Journeys stages under the amphitheater, taking selfies. Chooch was dry-heaving because he thought he touched dried up Copenhagen (“You know, that stuff you dip” he said, STICKING THE SAME FINGER THAT TOUCHED IT TO HIS MOUTH TO DEMONSTRATE. Now who’s dry-heaving.)

American Authors being American and author-y. 


  • 2:19: I fell in love with Boston Manor, had a sample of Malteasers, ate delicious vegan cheese in the PETA2 tent, and got a FREE SLUSHIE!

Meanwhile, lakeshore is playing on the Hard Rock stage and I said to Chooch, “This sounds familiar, like something I would have listened to in 2008” and 12 seconds later Henry came back from the garbage can and said, “They sound familiar like someone we would have went to see in 2008.” wtf. I hate when we have the same thoughts. 

  • 2:38pm Literally having our eardrums pummeled all day long by the best assortment of bands and Chooch STILL wants to constantly talk and then gets MAD when we can’t hear him?!?! Like boy is this your first Warped Tour or what? Also Chooch just realized that there are spots throughout the Warped Tour program to have bands sign so now he wants to get every single band to sign it, GOOD LUCK. This isn’t Disney World, bro!

Chooch hounding the singer of Lakeshore for his autograph. 

  • 2:58pm: What’s worse–listening to Neck Deep or Chooch singing the Guacamole Song OR BOTH HAPPENING AT ONCE. 
  • 4:22pm: BREAKING NEWS Chooch’s eye hurts again. Now it’s because he has a slight sunburn from washing away all the sunblock during his earlier crisis. We’re sitting on the hill enjoying Microwave, which is ironic because our microwave died a few weeks ago and we haven’t cared enough to buy a new one yet. Also by “we’re enjoying” I should hope that you know I just mean me. Right before this I saw Movements and they were beyond excelsior. I saw them a year ago as well and couldn’t wait to see them again. 

Oh and oppa got Dance Gavin Dance shirts for Chooch & me. #SoSpoiled #MuchTerrible

  • 6:37pm: Taking a grass break after a bit of Silent Planet, chooch getting his picture taken with two guys from Gwar, being all close to Jule Vera, and then Henry and Chooch ditching me so I had to watch Hands Like Houses alone. 

This Slurpee picture is from hours ago but they just finally texted it to me. What we do for Slurpee coupons I guess.  

The guy taking the pictures for the Gwar signing was kind enough to take this slick selfie. I KNEW HE WAS DOING THAT TOO. He was wearing little leather speedos with a tail, aka Henry’s next Halloween costume. 

Chooch apparently talked to Ainsley from Jule Vera at their booth while I was at Hands Like Houses but I wasn’t there so I don’t believe it. 

  • 6:50pm: I’m sitting on a hillside, listening to Farewell Winters, and dreaming about the feast I’m going to have when I leave here. Also, remember when the waitress at Pamela’s told me she liked my nail polish colors and then Chooch said it reminds him of Chris’s house because she had M&Ms the same color and he said “had” because they’re gone now. Because he ate them. But no you wouldn’t remember that because I wasn’t live blogging yet!
  • 7:10pm: OMG my Dance Gavin Dance friend who is a manager at Journeys is here!!
  • 8:26pm: we’re in the amphitheater getting ready for DGD which means we have to endure Attila who are playing on the other stage. I can’t believe people like this shit. It’s so corny—like Limp Bizkit 2.0. I just realized they’ve only been playing for 6 minutes but it feels like an hour and my brain is crying. 
  • 9:17pm: Just got to the car. Chooch asked earnestly, “Did you have fun?” AW. AND ALSO: YES. 
  • 9:24pm: I’m bitching about how those young girls still look so fucking fresh and beautiful after a day of sweating at Warped Tour while my face looks like a Christmas ham. “You don’t look bad,” Henry said. I don’t look good either!

UPDATE FROM SATURDAY: wow so after my last update, we went to Sheetz where I projected over an overstuffed sandwich that I couldn’t eat,  but really I was just sick and delirious because I had a sun virus (henry said I was just dehydrated ok Doc Robbins PhD) and by the time we got home, I was ready to crash so that’s what I did after half-assedly washing my face (sorry Korean skincare regimin!)

I’ll be back with a post-Warped recap as usual but I just wanted to say that this was perhaps one of my favorite Warped Tours because Chooch’s attention span is definitely improving (lol), we all seemed to mostly like each other all day (guys, excessive heat and sun exposure can bring out some major wickedness in people don’t don’t like you”d be an angel out there), and there were some really wonderful small bands/hidden gems on the lineup this year. In fact, we didn’t go to the main stages at all this year. 

Ending with Dance Gavin Dance was just so supreme though. Can’t explain how that band makes me feel but it is some hybrid between exuberant and that lady who invented Prancercize. 

      One Response to “Warped Tour 2017 live blog stupidity!”

    1. Looks like a fun day!

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