sick of pendants yet? long time ago, right? | Oh Honestly, Erin

Suggested Reading? Maybe.

A Jonny to Cuddle
At work the other day, I said out loud, “I wish I had a Jonny Craig doll.” This of course was met with tons of groans and low-grade mumbling. But then I started googling, because YOU NEVER KNOW. Well, there aren’t any Jonny Craig dolls out there, at least none that Google is aware of. [...]
So-So Friday
Got to leave work around 6:30 because it was so slow, but Henry and Chooch were at Chuck E Cheese for a birthday party, so I had to take the dreaded trolley home. Almost not worth getting to go home early. Sue kept trying to coax me into taking an entire box of pizza home [...]
Awkward Last Words
The other day, I asked Henry why he stays with me and he said, “Because of days like this.” Then he told me not to post that on Facebook because he doesn’t want anyone to know he likes me, but I figured most people will just assume “days like this” means days where he barely [...]
Easter Memories: A Thin Line Between Charity & Stupidity
Here is a tale from 2008 about how I was driving at night without my contacts in AND allowing strange men to get inside my car. Obviously my level of paranoia had not yet reached the crippling plateau it’s currently resting on. *** When I left my job Thursday night (technically Friday morning), my gas [...]
Trolley Woes
Some fucker at Henry’s work had the nerve to take off Monday through today, which meant I had to take the goddamn trolley to work since Henry had to go make stupid Faygo deliveries. Everyone is always like, “Riding the T is not that big of a deal, Erin. There’s a stop directly across from [...]
The Orange Ball Project
I suppose I could have just played keep-away with that damn orange ball last night, maybe a rousing round of Monkey in the Middle, but instead I decided to make it more interesting. I waited for Chris to leave the office for the night and then Orange Ball and I went on a photo-taking rampage. [...]
Best Friend Stealer
Oh shit, guess who slipped up and left his self-proclaimed best friend, a/k/a that fucking orange ball, over on neutral turf? It’s about to be a fun night. (OMG this thing is so dirty.) ETA: The fucking orange ball now has its own email address (AWOLorangeball@live.com). I’m going to start taking pictures of it around [...]
Bayernhof Music Museum, Part 1
“We’re going to be so late!” I cried to Andrea, after she had purposely tried to sleep through our appointment at the Bayernhof Music Museum last week. She was against this part of the Pittsburgh itinerary from the get-go, especially after I had Wendy call and make us a tour appointment when we were hanging [...]
Tuesday Night Craft Plight
I’m not a crafter at all. Give me craft supplies and the end result will be nothing short of a horrific eyesore, with a trail of blood and tears in its wake. But when Brandy gave me her Santa Voodoo doll tutorial to post on my blog, I was inspired to make one myself, but [...]
Crack Heads & Romania, But Never Romanian Crack Heads
On the phone this morning with Henry, I was spazzing out about a horrible dream I had about Jonny Craig, in which he was so much of a crack addict that he was beginning to lose his teeth. Even now, when I shut my eyes, I can see him with his mouth open all wide [...]
Erin Reports for Jury Duty
I kind of always wanted to get summoned for jury duty. Not that I think it’s glamorous or fun, but fuck–what a prime opportunity to people-watch, right? And that’s kind of my thing. A few weeks ago, I got my official notice in the mail, filled it out immediately and tucked it back in the [...]
Applegate
Or: How Barb Found Another Way To Ruin My Life Or: That Fucking Tomato, The Sequel Before Barb left work on Monday, she had to go and fuck up my whole world by offering me an apple. I just smiled and said thanks, but what was really happening at that moment was that a vignette [...]
That Fucking Tomato
One of my co-workers called out to me from her office, “Do you like tomatoes?” That’s a loaded question. I suppose I do like tomatoes, but only on certain occasions, in certain foods and sliced in certain ways. But this was coming from a co-worker that I’m not very close with; not wanting to engage [...]
A Thursday in Tennessee
(These are the companion photos to this post, which I wrote while still in Gatlinburg. I miss Gatlinburg. Also, I have not been able to go back and check out all my horrendous typos borne from a writing-derelict like myself using a PHONE to blog.) In the AM: It was all downhill from here. (Except [...]
School Volunteering Drama
I’m really not cut out to be the mother of an elementary school-aged child (just as I wasn’t cut out to be the mother of an infant, toddler or preschooler). Chooch has been bringing home such staggering amounts of fundraising bullshit, financial forms (I cover my face with my hair every time I walk past the [...]
Wacky Worm in the Law Firm
When I launch a new obsession, I of course want to share this with my work friends. For example, the Wacky Worm. I was hoping it would become a wide-spread sensation, culminating in a department field trip to DelGrosso’s, which is a semi-local amusement that has A PERMANENT WACKY WORM, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. [...]
Erin & Henry Go To Cleveland: a Vintage Video from 2004
Also known as: HOW ARE THEY STILL TOGETHER?! A couple of you (literally, two people) expressed interest in seeing this video of Henry and me in Cleveland back in 2004. We were there for Curiosa, but I talked Henry into going a day early so we could do touristy things. And by touristy, I clearly [...]
Pets, or Appetite Suppressants?
I bought Chooch some Aquasaurs for his birthday, this intriguing kit of “prehistoric water pets.” We apparently can’t have normal pets in this house. The first batch of “eggs” I dumped into the water never hatched. I bitched for awhile about how they were duds, but then Henry tried the second half of the batch [...]
Erin Versus Absinthe
Many years ago, when I was friends with that crazy lady Cinn, she was dead set on making her own absinthe. “I found a place on the Internet where we can buy wormwood!” she squealed. She said “we” when she meant “you” because I was the one with mommy’s American Express. I was nineteen, extremely [...]
<3 on the Roller Rink
I wasn’t looking for love at Soul Skate. It was hotter than Snookie’s kooka in that joint and really all I was focused on was not melting into a flesh-puddle while rollin’ to Justin Timberlake’s “Summer Love,” which I never realized just how truly anthemic that song really is until I had quads laced to [...]

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