Nov 212017
 

After being sick for-fucking-ever, I desperately needed to get out and do something fun, and since it’s been nearly two years since I’ve gone to the Mattress Factory, an outing there just seemed right and not full of exertion (i.e. I wasn’t yet ready to participate in a tire-throwing competition or anything like that).

Plus, it’s been at least 6 years since I last took Chooch there, so long that the kid has zero memory of ever being there, and he was really stoked about this. I have been grooming that kid to love museums since he was in the womb, y’all.

Womb is such a gross word.

Anyway, we got Janna to go with us too because Janna is my OG Mattress Factory accomplice. We’ve been going semi-sporadically since I learned in 2005 that we could use our Pitt IDs to get in for a discount. (I was determined to milk that fucking ID for all that it was worth – tens of thousands of dollars, it turned out.) The last time I went to the MF, Janna couldn’t go because she was LITERALLY BUYING A MATTRESS THAT AFTERNOON. Oh god, what are the odds.

I have written about this place a shitload of times on this blog, so if you’re ever interested in seeing pictures of past installations, there’s a search  bar around here somewhere, I think. Otherwise, I will just quickly tell you that it’s a gem on the north side of Pittsburgh, my favorite museum in the city, a hands-on experience, quirky, fun, unique, blah yadda etc. If you live in Pittsburgh and haven’t gone there, you’re dumb (I’m kidding, please don’t stop reading this, I’m desperate for readers!). And if you’re planning on visiting Pittsburgh sometime ever, you should definitely check this place out because it’s cool, yo. It’s cool.

It was actually moderately crowded on this particular day, which is not usually the case. So we were kind of annoyed when we started the day off in one of the annex buildings and could barely enjoy it because a million college kids were pushing their way through the cramped spaces and setting off emergency exit alarms (“It wasn’t us!” I said to the docent who pushed past us to turn it off. “It was those college kids, wasn’t it!” she cried and we were like YES MA’AM!!! Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure she was a college kid, too.)

The installation in this building was the same for years and I was really growing tired of it, but now it’s this crazy three-floor exhibit by Dennis Maher called “A Second Home.” It was like walking through a dollhouse in a way and we were all infatuated. However, it was also kind of dangerous because there were steps where you didn’t expect them and lots of spots where you had to duck – Janna and Chooch both smacked their faces off the same spot and I laughed.

There was this young couple behind us who fucking rushed us through the entire first floor because they were practically walking on our backs. That in addition to the girl making disparaging art critiques almost ruined my day there. Almost. We lost them after a bit, luckily, and our experience was greatly improved from then on.

Chooch was really into it from the get-go. Age 11 has been pretty great. His attention span still kind of sucks, but places like the Mattress Factory are just stimulating enough to hold his interest. He wasn’t blowing past each painting like he used to do at the zoo when he was a kid. Our zoo visits were done at record speeds! It felt more like being at a gallery with my two friends and not just “my friend Janna and my kid Chooch.”

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here, except that my kid is growing up to be such a cool person and I really enjoy spending time with him, especially when Henry isn’t with us because that’s when we get along the best.

Also, Henry thinks art is dummm so he didn’t want to go with us anyway.

On the way to the second annex, Chooch literally chased down a lady so that he could pet her dog. Ladies and gentlemen, my son the serial petter.

OK, I honestly cannot constructively describe how the first floor of the second annex made me feel, except that I was ready to pack a bag and move in because it fit my aesthetic to a motherfucking T, you guys. To the point where I was frantically trying to figure out which room in my house to completely gut and invite Vanessa German over to construct “sometimes.we.cannot.be.with.our.bodies.part.2.” Sorry Chooch, you can sleep on the couch, mommy needs your room for bigger and better things.

This was around the time Chooch started to get super pose-y and I had no complaints about that.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I just wanted to lay down in the middle of all this gaudiness – DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME.

Liberace probably would have ejaculated immediately upon entrance of this room.

buy albuterol online buy albuterol generic

We spent a lot of time in this room, taking it in from every angle. There were so many details to see! I need to go back. I miss it.

Eventually we moved on to the second floor.

This was David Pohl’s “furniture music” which we also fell in love with. The mauve walls made me feel so peaceful and it’s a good thing 97% of my current plant collection is now dead because I’m going to tape them all over the walls. The Mattress Factory is always giving me the best interior design tips.

This is probably why Henry hates it so much.

“Take a picture of me sitting on this chair.

buy premarin online buy premarin generic

The look on Janna’s face when he said this was priceless. It was totally saying, “Look at the monster you created.”

“squawk.”

I’ll be back later this week with pictures from the main part of the Mattress Factory, where a chunk of Chooch’s innocence swan-dove out the window thanks to some, um, mature art.

Say it don't spray it.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.