Lunch Break Tales: January 2018 Collection

Ugh, my lunch break walks are so depressing in the winter. This past month, they fluctuated between Motherfucking Arctic Freeze to Downright Unseasonably Balmy. We haven’t really had a chance to “get used” to winter when it’s 10 degrees one day and SIXTY degrees a few days later. Madness.

I still go out on my lunch break every day, even on the days when it’s in the teens, even when it’s snowing, even when it’s raining. Sometimes I might only last 25 minutes before surrendering to Mother Nature, but at least I got outside and moved for a bit, right? The thing I hate the most about winter is BOOTS. It’s so annoying having to change my shoes four times a day (when I get to work, before I go outside, when I come back outside, and then when I leave for the day). Sometimes, I’m lazy and just keep my stupid ugly boots on for the rest of the workday.

Like today.

#suchlaze

Because of the gross weather, not many people are outside, which means my crazy interactions with Pittsburgh civilians and alley dwellers are lacking. So I figured I would at least share some pictures taken on my various power-walks.

As I was taking this picture  in a desolate area of the Strip District, I thought someone was running up behind me and I screamed so fucking loud. But it was just a leaf, trying to be a tumbleweed.

On one of the not-so-frigid days,  I was able to wear a lighter jacket and NO WINTRY ACCOUTREMENTS (no that I don’t love my scarves and gloves, but sometimes it’s nice to be so weighed down and muffled). That meant I got to wear my beloved cow-spot jacket. I was on the phone with Henry when some guy in a fluorescent yellow hoodie walked past me and then turned around just to tell me that he liked my coat. “Reminds me of 101 Dalmations,” he said, and then he started singing happily but I couldn’t tell if it was “Cruella DeVille” or not.

“Who was that, one of your homeless friends?” Henry asked. This was right after he overheard me saying hello to someone else and he asked me the same question then too, and surprisingly, that time it wasn’t one of my homeless friends either!

“No, it’s my friend who sells flowers on the corner of Penn by Eides,” I said haughtily, like why am I having to explain myself to Henry anyway. I HAVE LOTS OF STRANGE FRIENDS DOWNTOWN. THEY PROBABLY THINK I’M STRANGE TOO.

I was walking by when this was being painted the other day.

Ew and then it was so cold and gross for a while that a bunch of shit froze, like the cool little walkway under the convention center. AIN’T NO ONE WALKING THRU THERE RIGHT NOW.

And the river walk is closed off because it’s all gross and full of ice clumps. Ugh, winter makes everything so ugly.

So what do I generally do on my walks? Usually, my first mission would be to get a latte in my hand as soon as possible, but I’ve been trying to keep my latte addiction on lock lately, so I’ll usually only stop at a cafe once or twice a week. Sometimes, I’ll have to go to the post office to mail international card orders (we just got our first Sweden and Switzerland orders yesterday!). I tried to go to one closer to our building but the lady who works there gives me the third degree every time, like I’m trying to send a metal file to my boyfriend in prison and not goddamn Valentine cards, jesus christ.

Then I usually call Henry afterward because dealing with postal things drives up my blood pressure.

One time, I was at the post office that’s inside the Westin (where I normally go because those peeps don’t give a FUCK what I’m mailing) but no one was behind the counter, two cops were at the front of the line talking abouot the embroidering on their cop jackets, an old lady in front of me had a stack of probably 40 green tax envelopes, and then an older guy behind me asked, “Is anyone even working?” One of the cops answered, “There’s just one guy here and he’s getting something for us” me and the old guy both said, “FORGET IT” at the same time and left.

I have as much patience as a surly old man! I’m so excited.

I need to start keeping more butterscotch candies in my coat pockets, though.

Static and Terror Town aren’t there anymore. This whole area just makes me sad. It’s so cluttered and junk-y.

Henry had the nerve to call me when I was trying to take this picture so I hit decline on his ass.

Heinz stuff is over there. Pittsburgh is famous for Heinz stuff, in case you didn’t know. Pittsburghers will spontaneously combust if anyone tries to serve them Hunts or says CATSUP in their presence.

Anyway, those are the Heinz Lofts now. If you move to Pittsburgh, you should live there and then let me be your roommate for cheap.

Don’t you love learning half-assed pieces of maybe-knowledge about Pittsburgh when you read my Lunch Break Tales?! It’s unreal that I’m not a Pittsburgh-famous blogger-historian by now.

Walking in the Strip can be so much fun in the warmer months because there’s street vendors and produce stands and general liveliness, but in winter it’s just a bunch of people walking around looking miserable. Except for the group of five people I passed on the sidewalk today who were SO HAPPY TO BE OUT TOGETHER that they conveniently forgot that the sidewalk didn’t belong to them and only them, just because a sidewalk is wide enough DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD ALL WALK IN A ROW AND TAKE UP THE WHOLE THING YOU SELFISH CUNTS. Both myself and the lady in front of me were nearly pushed off into the street by their sidewalk-hogger and I couldn’t help but let out a disgusted “UGH” and an eye roll, which was totally seen by one of the bitches in the group.

“Wow, you’re such a bad ass,” Henry said when I told him about it later (AFTER I TOOK MY PICTURE ON THE BRIDGE THAT HIS CALL INTERRUPTED).

But then other times people I see on my walks are so freaking nice, like this one lady-jogger who smiled at me for no reason and then I SMILED BACK, who even am I anymore, and the one young girl who cheerfully yelled over to me that she liked my pants and I was like THANK YOU and almost said “I know” because they were my bright red pants and they’re really awesome and everyone should like them.

Well, that concludes this past month in walking around the ‘Burgh. Mayhaps February will be more exciting. And maybe in the spring I’ll resume my Postcards from Erin’s Lunch Break project! Holla.