Red Velvet, milkshakes, but not red velvet milkshakes

Can we all just agree that waking up on Monday mornings is such a drag? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be alive and whatever, but the weekend already seems like such a distant memory by the time that stupid alarm goes off on Monday morning and my first thought is always, “Ugh, the trolley.” I know, such problems. Wah. But then I checked my phone and had a notification for the new Red Velvet MV on YouTube! Morning officially saved by the beauty of Red Velvet. I waited until Chooch and I were both ready for the day and then we watched it together and now you too can be like us and watch it as well:

Those late 90s r&b vibes, though.

In other news, I had lunch on Saturday with Gayle and Patty. This was a big deal to me because for the first time since Patty’s cancer diagnosis, I got to actually go out somewhere with her! She’s still using a wheelchair, but her mobility is really making great strides – she’s actually expected to make a full recovery and I cannot tell you how much of a miracle this is. She has been working so hard and deserves nothing but the best news. Please, if you’re reading this, cheer her on with me! She’s a goddamn inspiration.

Gayle and I felt like winners for getting Patty out of the house without any hiccups, and then Patty yelled at Gayle for trying to go the wrong way to Eat n Park and I was like, “LOL YEAH GAYLE GOD GET WITH IT.” Just like old times! (Miss you, Gayle!)

Anyway, at Eat n Park, we had a fabulous waitress and then Patty ordered an Oreo milkshake and in my head totally Homer’ing over it (“mmmm, milkshake”) and almost ordered one but then remembered that EnP milkshakes are always so unfulfilling to me. Don’t get me wrong, they’re fucking delicious, but I’m a pig for milkshakes and just feel that they don’t give you enough — they don’t even serve the extra ‘shake in the metal tumbler thingie like some restaurants do! RUDE.

So I held off and stuck with coffee and then was That Token Vegetarian that ordered a ham sandwich without the ham because I really wanted the gouda and apple slices that was also on it. Luckily, our waitress was cool and didn’t sneer at me and even said that someone else had just asked for the same thing that day. YES. SOLIDARITY.

Patty wanted to get the salad bar and asked if either of us would help her and since I wanted to be the hero, I offered to help. I was so nervous about this and I had a flashback to the time in 1999 when I had a blind date at Eat n Park (of course!) and the guy was wheelchair-bound and when I was pushing him out of the restaurant, he was groaning a bit and I was like, “WHY IS THE WHEELCHAIR NOT MOVING AND WHY HE IS MAKING THESE STRANGULATED NOISES” and oh, it was just because his one leg was dragging back behind him and I was literally PUSHING THE WHEELCHAIR over his foot.

That was not one of the my best moments and my old friend Keri was there to witness it and would not let me live it down for years. This may or may not be the reason we no longer talk.

(It’s not.)

So picture it: me, in charge of not only my friend Patty, but also HER SALAD. And I DID IT. I got her to the salad bar, I prepared a salad to her liking, and I got both of them back to the table with zero issues or spills or dragging limbs. I was like GAYLE, LOOK when we got back to the table and she was just like “mmhmm.” JUST JEALOUS OF MY HEROISM I GUESS.

Oh also! Fun side-note. Amber at work last week was perusing the itinerary for the Groundhog Day festival and saw that there’s a ventriloquist with the same last name as Gayle’s maiden’s name, so we have all been widely speculating and obsessing over this. I finally got the chance to interrogate Gayle, because if it’s true, how rude that she never told any of us! But she said she’s not sure and will find out. UGH more waiting.

In the words of Chooch: “to conclude,” my lunch with Patty and Gayle was very nice and it was nice to catch-up and admire Patty’s improvement. She is so bad-ass, you guys. How easy would it be to just thrown in the towel, but that girl is fighting and clawing her way out of the pit, and it is an honor to call her a friend.

BUT BACK TO MILKSHAKES. Later that evening, I was still thinking of milkshakes, so Henry took Chooch and me to Steak n’ Shake and I got a Frosted Flake milkshake because I am all about cereal-flavored desserts, and this goddamn milkshake did not disappoint. In fact, two days later, as I’m sitting her eating my sad cup’o’oatmeal, I’m still thinking of that milkshake. I want another one right now. Ugh.

The end.