Feb 162018

I know what you guys are thinking: When will Erin tell us about her weekend? She always tells us about her weekend. DID SHE NOT HAVE A WEEKEND?!

Guys*, calm down. I had a weekend. It was just really fucking boring.

*(Read: voices in my head.)

Henry and Chooch were both sick at the same time and I was SO MAD about this! Let’s be real, I don’t really hang out with anyone else but them, and they were in no condition to hangout. Chooch wasn’t too sick on Friday night, at least, so after Henry went to bed at 8pm, Chooch and I got comfortable on the couch and watched the PyeongChang opening ceremonies, because I wanted to see my land. It sucked that I had to watch the American broadcast though, and when Katie Couric mispronounced “hanbok,” I was ready to throw in the towel.

I know a lot of people think that the athlete march thing is boring as fuck, but Chooch and I like to watch the entire thing because it teaches us about countries we had no idea existed. For a good long minute, we were convinced that “Iron” was a country because our eyes are bad. And we cheered every time a kpop song was played (BIGBANG – “Fantastic Baby,” BTS – “DNA,” Red Velvet – “Red Flavor,” and Twice “Likey”!) and furiously flipped off the TV every time they showed Pence’s fucking pudding face, that guy can go to hell. I’m super glad he sat during the Korean athletes’s entrance – I’m practicing my “eh”s and maple syrup stats for when I pretend to be Canadian next month in Korea.  I hate feeling such shame to be an American.

But….I do.

Sorry, but aside from Shaun White, I have been rooting for the Korean athletes in every event, I don’t care.

(Speaking of Shaun White, watching him win gold the other night was so exciting. I mean, I hate hugs, but if he told me to bring it in, I’d be all like OPEN ARMS by Journey, if you know what I mean.)

(Do you know what I mean?)

So that was Friday.

Saturday was so much boredom. Chooch was down for the count all day and Henry had to work even though he was sick as a dog (which not all Koreans eat, btw). He came home and pretty much went right to bed, so I was on my own, baby. I did A LOT of exercising, K-Drama watching [I’m almost done with Love In Trouble (Suspicious Partner) and it’s so good], coffee-drinking, and major whining.

In the morning, I walked to the post office to mail some last minute Valentine orders that had trickled in. I can go to the Brookline one on Saturdays because MAUREEN isn’t ever there. I guess when you work for the post office for 30 years, you’re exempt from weekend hours. On my way there, I noticed a cluster of people taking up an entire section of the Brookline Boulevard sidewalk, enrapt in what some older lady tour guide (??) was telling them. A TOUR OF BROOKLINE, WHO WOULD PAY FOR THAT!? As I got closer, none of the people moved for me, so I had to fucking walk in a mound of crunchy street snow to get around them. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” I seethed openly as this happened and at least three of them heard of me. GOOD FOR THEM. While this was happening, I could heard the tour guide explaining to them the history of the Pittsburgh wedding cookie table.

After a positive post office experience, I came back out to a blessedly empty sidewalk and then noticed that they had all crammed inside DeLuca’s Bakery, all 20-something of them, and then it occurred to me that this was maybe some type of cookie walk thing and if so, what a HORRIBLE representative of Pittsburgh cookies that tour guide chose because DeLuca’s fucking suuuuuuucks. Like, they could come to my house and I’ll give them better cookies which is saying a lot considering the last time I baked cookies unsupervised, I put all the dough on one baking thing because I was trying to make a giant marijuana leaf (????) and then all my friends got a stomachache because it was undercooked, obviously. This was a long time ago.

I walked to Dunkin’ Donuts for an iced latte because it was kind of mild that day, in the 50s I think?  Some speedskating thing was on and there was a Korean in it so even though I had my latte in my hand, I hung out by the counter so I could watch it and eventually the young kid that knows us so well that he, honest to god, has a large black unsweetened iced tea waiting for Henry if he sees us walking in, asked me if I needed help and I was like NO JUST TRYNA ROOT FOR MY COUNTRY IN  THE OLYMPICS, BRO, IS THAT OK WITH YOU? YOU GONNA REPORT ME TO TRUMP?

J/K. I just said, “No, I’m just watching this” but then I felt awkward after that so I just left.

Came home and made a bunch of kpop birthday cards and teased the cats.

Henry at least came downstairs long enough to make me dinner, and then later on we went to Target because I wanted to get out of the house and he was just like, “I’m dying, but sure, let’s go shopping for the NOTHING THAT WE NEED.” But isn’t that how all Target trips are? I bought Chooch a strand of Valentine candy heart lights, for Christ’s sake. Such necessity.

(I’m watching the Olympics as I write this on a rainy Thursday night and I’m crying because South Korea’s Yun SungBin won the gold in men’s skeleton and through my tears he looks like the killer from Love in Trouble! I’m not sure what he looks like to someone with normal eyesight though.)

(Another Olympic aside: I’m not buying into the charm that Adam Rippon is selling and I know that’s like unheard of but I just don’t get it sorry guys*. Also, I don’t really like figure skating that much.)

*(Sometimes I start to believe that I’m really talking to people. Like I’m doing a podcast entirely through thought.)

Sunday was more of the same but at least Henry kind of hung out a little, at one point, but he still slept for SO LONG. I decided to watch some Olympics but the local news people irritated me by talking in Yinzer voices about what kimchi “apparently” is and how it’s “supposed to be pretty good.” 헐!

At one point, I flew upstairs in a panic and asked, “WILL U BE BETTER BY LUNCHTIME HOW WILL EAT LUNCH” and he sickly groaned, “Chill out, it’s only 10:30.”


He did eventually come downstairs long enough to make my lunch, sit down for 20 minutes, and then go back to bed. God, milk it much?

Chooch still had a low fever so he didn’t go to his piano lesson. He spent most of the day resting and that concept is SO WEIRD to me because when I’m sick, I’m always front and center, making sure I don’t miss any action while constantly reminding my roommates that I’m slowly expiring.

Let me tell you just how bored I was: I actually begged Henry to let me go grocery shopping with him that evening. Like, get me out of the house, please. I mean, I guess I could have gone and hung out with imaginary friends at the cemetery, but….

“Are measles itchy?” I asked Henry, scratching my face.

“You don’t have measles,” he sighed.

Wow, grocery shopping is so boring. And Henry chose the 12 Items Or Less lane when he has FOURTEEN ITEMS!!!!

And that was basically the extent of my weekend with sick people.

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