Whenever things go remotely well for me (and I’m talking winning a free ticket on a scratch off), I panic and wonder what sort of hellstorm is skulking around behind the shanties, waiting to shower me with hot coal, STDs and Jessica Simpson medleys. So my instinct is to do something nice for other people.
And this is where it could benefit YOU. I’m giving away one of my 4″x4″ bathroom plaques ($15 value) to one lucky reader. They’re available in a variety of styles and the choice is all yours. Here are some of the glowing reviews that have been dumping in (oh, see what I did there? DUMPING?):
Jen Shitcan from Missouri has been heard saying, “Shiiit, I was so sick of my bitch ass husband bringing his broads home from the bar and asking me where the can was so they can empty their Diva Cup. Now they just look for the sign and I don’t gotta be bustin’ caps no more.”
Isaac Outhouse from the wilderness sent a telegram saying, “Sign good. Rust proof.”
Peter Pisser from a place with a large blind population sent a box of chocolates with a note saying, “Works good. Except my one blind friend still needs help finding the commode. Make one in braille, you should.”
Melissa Purell informed in green ink, “My son has a penchant for smearing fecal matter everywhere but the hand wipes I keep on the sink specifically for these occasions. Luckily, the unsavory smudges wipe right off my bathroom marker. The stench, not so much.”
And Alyson from Waltham, MA was so thrilled to have her friends stop crapping in her potted plants that she left this flowery feedback: Thanks so much!! I absolutely love it!! My house plants thank you from the bottom of their rooty hearts. It’s the perfect size, too!
Possibly only one of those are real.
All you have to do is comment here on this entry and make sure you leave a valid email address. The winner will be chosen at random using random.org.
The winner gets one custom plaque, in the style of their choosing (boy/girl or little monster guy) and any background color.
The choices for the title are:
- poo parlor
- the loo
- the john
- holy shitter
- chamber pot
- the can
- your own endearing custom title
Commenting is open right now and ends Sunday 1/17 at noon EST.
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