When I was in high school, way back in those scary times known as THE NINETIES, FX started showing reruns of a 70’s show called “Vega$” starring a pre-cancer Robert Urich. I don’t know what it was about that show, but I was sucked in. I mean, I would drop everything when “Vega$” came on. I could have had Robert Smith’s dick in my hand and I would’ve dropped that too. Or probably multi-tasked, but still.
I was in the attic not too long ago, looking for incriminating evidence against Henry to post here on the blog, when I stumbled upon an old VHS tape that boasted VEGA$ MARATHON! in orange marker (and under that in pink: Bone videos! Bone on the VMAs!) and it just all came flooding back. It feels like that show consumed years of my life, like it was with me when I got my braces off, learned to drive, lost my viriginity, graduated (oh, wait. haha). But really I think I only watched it for a few months. But that was long enough to make fond memories! Walk with me.
- In 11th grade English, we were put into groups. My group had to make a video about Longfellow. Because that’s not a boring subject or anything. I remember this to be at the height of my Vega$ mania, as evidenced by the ridiculous cameos I made in other people’s scenes, walking slowly in the background while holding a large posterboard sign urging people to watch Vega$ on FX, with air times and maniacal exclamation abuse following. But everyone in that class knew I was retarded so I don’t think it illicited much reaction, aside from maybe a few eye rolls.
- That same year, FX was having a Sunday MARATHON. Can you imagine? An entire afternoon of that beloved 1970’s wok-wok disco soundtrack carrying a polyestor bell-bottomed Dan Tanna across my television screen. The only thing that would make that day better was to have a PARTY to go along with it. Of course, none of my friends thought this was a very enticing way to spend a day off from school so I ended up making a sign to advertise my Vega$ party, and I tied it on the street sign at the end of our lane. With balloons. Don’t worry, I’d never forget the balloons. Oh, it was going to be grand! I could imagine cars pulling over left and right and random strangers showing up with arms full of spinach dip, wine coolers, and disco balls. Of course, it was only me and my brother Corey home at the time (and he was only 5 or 6), so this came as a nice surprise to my mom when she turned onto the lane later that day and saw my open-to-all invitation billowing on the street post. Then she burst into the house and saw that it was just Corey and me, eating chips and watching Vega$ together. If I remember correctly, Corey was wearing a dishtowel on his head. I have video of this somewhere.
- One of my favorite episodes featured an appearance by WAYNE NEWTON! He sang this one song that went something like “Daddy, don’t you walk so fast” and I was OBSESSED with it. I made all of my friends watch it. They were like, “Ok?” Luckily, my friend Lisa was mildly amused by my Vega$ infatuation, so when I asked her to sing that Wayne Newton song with me on my answering machine (I had my own line in high school, which didn’t get me into any trouble at all), she agreed and it was my favorite answering machine greeting ever. Maybe tied with “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” which angered my Aunt Sharon so much, she quit calling me for awhile. That’s a winning situation if you ask me.
And I could go and on about Robert Urich’s appearances on “Battle of the Network Stars” (I was so obsessed with that too, but that didn’t happen until much later, which was awesome for Henry because it meant he got to witness me taking a good thing and running it into the ground). But instead, I will leave you with the opening sequence to my beloved “Vega$.”
What old shows did/do you obsess over? I really need to know. It’s for… research.