Tweetstorm 2010

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

• 15:27 Just turned in a debit card I found on an ATM. I’ll take my karma in cash, gold or unicorns, please. #
• 16:39 Ottawa Senators need to lose today, please. Perhaps Norbert and his debit card can help make that so. #
• 17:10 I really wish I was in Canada today. #
• 18:43 WHAA? RT @BreakingNews Actor ‘Rip’ Torn, 78, is charged with breaking into a Connecticut bank and carrying a loaded gun while intoxicated #
• 20:12 I don’t think I’ve ever had proper closure to The OC being cancelled. #
• 23:26 Well. My cross-stitching foray lasted all of two minutes before I freaked out and cried. I’m a disgrace to pioneerwomen. #
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• 00:59 Can’t stop thinking about Norbert and his lost debit card. Sure hope they were reunited, and that it felt so good. #
• 01:18 Barges are disgusting. Fuck all barges. Next time I see one, I’m puking at it. FUCK. I am so angry over barges right now. #
• 09:44 Chooch: Who are those girls? Me: Poison. #
• 11:05 On my way to pick up #Pens tickets, began spontaneously crying to Open:Hand. #
• 11:06 It appears @saucalisha and I have a date at Mellon Arena! yfrog.com/35fdrqj #
• 12:58 Dear @awoodhick, Chooch & I want grilled cheese. I asked you in front of your Twitter friends so if you say no you’ll look like an asshole. #
• 13:41 If I were a religious person, I’d swear my son has the devil in him. #
• 13:58 Yeah, would ya just look at how “overrated” Sidney Crosby is? #letsgopens !! #
• 14:25 Omg this game. THIS GAME!! #letsgopens #
• 14:38 Fleury just can’t get that shutout. #
• 15:08 This is a kneel-in-front-of-the-TV, screaming type of hockey game. #
• 15:11 CROSBY! MALKIN! FLEURY! #
• 17:32 I always feel guilty sort of when I get tweet-happy during hockey games, knowing 90% of Twitter is like “Get a life.” #
• 18:34 9 years later and Henry still shows not an ounce of compassion for my panic attacks/anxiety. Just walked home in 10degrees & he was whatev. #
• 23:29 Henry’s watching Paramore Unplugged while toiling over a lot of serial killer cards. Someone bought 17! #
• 23:34 <3 Frank Turner RT @fthc I am actually fucking disgusted. The definition of punk? The opposite of a Green Day musical. Total fucking shit #
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• 14:46 I guess next time b4 accusing Henry of not paying the electric bill, I should check the fuse box 1st. Chooch & I lived like Amish for 1 hr. #
• 15:20 I love the shock of finding FB profiles of various hoodlums I’ve had to call the cops on during my party days & seeing they have KIDS now. #
• 15:57 Being scalped by Miley Cyrus. #worstfeelingever #
• 15:57 Scalping Miley Cyrus. #bestfeelingever #
• 17:23 Alisha just tried to get me in trouble with a Radio Shack employee and he admitted that I look guilty. Wha???? #
• 20:44 Cr osby is amazing. And no, I didn’t throw my complimentary #Pens totebag on the ice. I like it! #
• 22:01 #Pens score 47 seconds in and Alisha missed it. LOLSIES. #
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• 08:34 Hockey hangover and sore throat. I predict I will be quiet today. #
• 15:38 Why do I have to be cute as a button? Why not a cupcake? Or a grenande? #
• 16:10 Grenande is how you spell grenade when you’re sick. Don’t be dumb. #
• 18:30 I need a nurse. Henry is failing. #
• 18:44 Apparently Henry has a secret collection of change in his dresser which CHOOCH knew abt but not me. SECRETS! So many secrets in this house. #
• 19:06 I’m hardpressed to find anything funnier than scene kids puking on Silent Library. Ever so thankful for a second season. #
• 20:41 2 nongermane thoughts: I should learn to stop exercising while sick; all hockey announcing should be in French. #
• 21:18 Really wish I was more excited about Lost. Maybe if there wasn’t the equivalent to what seems like 2 TV seasons between finale & premiere. #
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• 11:41 I have an interview today for a job that will hopefully last longer than two weeks. #
• 12:42 Trying to teach The Attitude to say “Mother may I?” He goes, “Mother may I have cheese?” but then negates it by yelling, “Go! Do it!” #
• 14:38 I hope I remember how to speak appropriately at this interview. And that I don’t get another false postive on a drug test. #
• 16:03 Ok, so take 2 on this “employment” thingaling, starting Tuesday. Hope it lasts more than 2 weeks this time. Or maybe not? #
• 16:26 When I ask for something deliciously outrageous for dinner, I at least expect a response, @awoodhick. #
• 18:20 Suggested that Henry work 2 jobs & I’ll stay home, make stuff & look cute. He reminded me we already tried that. Oh right = The Dark Days. #
• 18:44 I really want to start wearing veils everyday for no reason other than it w ill make me look saintly & inspire paupers to kiss my hand. #
• 18:45 Then I’ll just need to move somewhere where paupers are handsome like in fairy tales & not urine-soaked bridge dwellers. #
• 19:07 Or am I thinking of paupers I’ve seen in porn…? And where are the veil shops in Pittsburgh? Near the haberdashery? Questions, plaguing. #
• 20:26 Henry’s being such a priss about his guest blogging spot & I’m like what’s the big deal? Only 5 ppl are going to read it! #
• 22:03 If I wish any harder for Ashley to leave The Real World, I might get a nose bleed. #
• 22:0 7 RT @PensDay_Chatter RT @pens_bella_17: #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #ScuderiforUSA #
• 23:15 If I were a dude, I’d have no qualms whatsoever about punching Real World Ashley in her fucking mouth. Go overreact in private, you bitch. #
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• 10:00 Chooch told me to stop mocking him. I have flimsy mothering skills but A+ torturous older sibling tactics. #
• 13:24 Words With Friends will accept Chimla, yet there have been actual dictio nary words it’s rejected. I’ll never understand. #
• 13:48 Watching Lady in White with Chooch. That was one of my favorite movies as a kid but Chooch isn’t very interested. No vampires. No Jason. #
• 14:57 To Chooch, it’s the Pizza Magazine. Not the Pennysaver. Don’t ever call it the Pennysaver. #
• 15:01 If anyone tried to kill my kid, I’d have no problem watching them fall off a cliff. No matter who it was. #
• 17:21 In @mrsevils’ dream, she came to a slumber party at my house where @saucalisha kept calli ng me The General. This needs to happen. Both parts #
• 21:24 I & turning it down for something. #
• 21:27 I’m eating crudités & drinking wine while discussing the Kovalchuk trade with Henry. #themoreyouknow #
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• 11:43 Two things I don’t care about: The upcoming snow storm and football. I really don’t belong in this city. #
• 11:47 2 things that validate me: steady consignment payments & repeat customers. Maybe my art doesn’t suck as much as I thought. Still poor tho. #
• 11:53 Well. At least Chooch now quickly follows his “motherfucker”s with a &quo t;sorry!” #
• 13:12 The Kovalchuk trade actually made it into my dream last night. Clearly my life needs more action. #
• 14:32 Good afternoon! I’m walking through a snowstorm to the post office. With wet hair. I’m a smarteeeeeee! #
• 14:46 Got schooled by some old man when I almost fell while attempting to walk too fast on the snowy sidewalk. #
• 15:54 The Warped Tour iPhone app is fantastic. I’m going to use the shit out of it. (OMG I can’t wait for Warped!) #
• 16:56 I wonder what it will be like when @awoodhick sleeps to death. #
• 17:03 It’s inspiring that a writer as shitty as Nicolas Sparks can get his books made into blockbuster movies. #
• 17:06 Th anks for the #ff lovin’, my #EDT pals! #
• 18:25 The Dipthongs original painting on 6×6 tile by somnambulant bit.ly/atsLDy #
• 20:24 I’ll never let Henry cut Chooch’s hair again. He’s graduated from cancer kid to a baby Rue McClanahan. #
• 22:11 Tall sit-ups are my jam. #
• 22:14 The #Capitals must have read “The Secret.” #NHL #
• 23:11 I just stepped onto my front porch without thinking, like the asshole I am, and wound up with snow halfway to my knee. #
• 23:19 And for the second time today I’m reminded, way after the fact, that I have snow boots. #
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• 01:01 :( RT @nhllive Condolences to Brian Burke on the loss of his son Brendan. All our th oughts and prayers are with Brian and his family. #
• 08:44 I’m going to dive off my porch into the snow, enjoy it for 10-20 seconds, & then promptly return to hating snow’s guts. #
• 08:54 Although, with my neighborhood, there’s always that chance of diving onto a hypodermic needle. #
• 10:31 About to snow dive like it’s an Olympic sport, ya’ll. Here’s hoping I don’t impale myself on any urban weaponry. #
• 10:57 Henry is trying so hard to shovel & I keep cannonballing into the yard, sending snow flying back onto the sidewalk. He is PISSED. #
• 10:58 Fucking asshole motherfucking ass raping snow shit. yfrog.com/au32825693j #
• 10:59 Our Chooch got stranded. We let him sweat it out a little before swimming over to him. yfrog.com/3n1dygj #
• 11:11 Chooch is trying to run from a Kleenex-brandishing Henry but he’s limited considering its a real life Dig Dug out there. Now he’s trapped. #
• 12:49 I’m officially a member of the Monster Etsy Street Team, yay! monsteretsy.blogspot.com/ #
• 13:16 WTF is going on w/ #wordswithfriends. There is nothing to do today! & some retard is trying to ride a bike past my house in all this snow. #
• 13:22 Paul Coffey is still so hot. #pens #
• 14:02 Someone ne eds to make me mayor because I’ve got some fucking ideas that need implemented. #
• 14:03 Go FSN! We didn’t want to watch the #pens game today anyway. #
• 14:19 That was bullshit. Fleury was fucking bulldozed. Awesome revenge goal by Dupuis! #letsgopens #
• 14:22 18:51 and the #pens #habs game is already tied at 1. Weird start. #

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